


Ownership

by SmeagolMyNeagol



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, NON/CON, Negan is not all bad, Negan to the Rescue, Protective Carl, Protective Carl Grimes, Protective Negan, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shane being Shane, Slow Burn, elements of non/con, non/con elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-25 04:09:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 46,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10756431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmeagolMyNeagol/pseuds/SmeagolMyNeagol
Summary: It is not Rick who leads the Alexandrians, but Shane. That night in the field on Hershal’s farm, Shane was the one who beat Rick. He kept Rick alive, and he never let Rick forget that Shane was the alpha-male now. Things hadn’t been terrible, but as time progressed, after Lori died and Rick became sick with grief, Shane began looking at him differently. He became increasingly more demanding, and he acted possessive and weird, going so far as to insist Rick live in the same house as him. Shane was in charge from that night on. He led them to that fateful night where they met their greatest enemy yet: Negan, who, when he finds out the nature of the two's relationship, is less than forgiving.





	1. Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. This is my first fic. It is terrible. But?? I'm literally trying so hard. Anyways if you would like, you can leave me some comments with constructive criticisms or perhaps some ideas as to where you want this story to progress. I already have a good idea played out for this fic, but I'd love to hear yours, maybe you have better ones. Please excuse that fact that I am rewriting the dialogue of scenes, I don't remember the exact happenings. I have also never read the comics, so my apologies if this comes off as OOC.

Rick was crowded around Carl, acting as a human shield if things were to go south here, which was a likely outcome, seeing as how he and his group are kneeling with their hands tied behind their backs, surrounded by an impossibly larger number of men than they couldn’t even pray to stand a chance against. “Well, well, well,” the tall man, Negan, was smirking. He enunciated the last word by leaning back and surging his hips forward.  
Shane was in the center of the circle, and it was clear from the members of this group’s nervous glances toward the bulky man that he was the leader. Perfect.  
  
“if it isn’t the little group that slaughtered my men in their sleep. I’m disappointed, honestly. I thought you’d be—“ he bent down to Shane’s level, “—scarier.” It was clear that the tall man’s taunting was affecting Shane, his jaw clenching and his eyes narrowing under furrowed brows. He was watching the leather-clad man with a look of utter hatred, but his eyes kept flickering down to the bat he held, a fearful resolve appearing in his eyes as he realized how the night will probably progress.  
Negan paid Shane’s reaction no mind, as he straightened up and made his way slowly over to Rick. At that Shane’s brows furrowed impossibly lower, and his body lurched forward as if to stop Negan, but with the men behind each member of their group holding guns against each one of their heads, he reigned in his outrage as Negan approached Rick and Carl.  
  
“In fact,” he stopped right in front of the pair and crouched down to their eye level, closer to Rick’s eyes than he had been to Shane’s, “Some of you are downright adorable.” He chuckled deeply at Shane’s growl. Negan was staring into Rick’s eyes with a smirk, and Rick leveled him with a stare of his own, trying to banish the fear from his face, though his breath still came out in short gasps and his brows were pinched together. This only seemed to spur Negan on, and he reached out a hand to cup the back of Rick’s neck, using his thumb to stroke Rick’s cheek bone. Rick’s breath hitched in fear, and he could no longer keep the anxiety out of his eyes. Carl made a move like he was going to slap Negan’s arm away, his face as thunderous as Shane’s, but Negan saw him out of his peripherals, and stood up suddenly, releasing Rick, and smirking at Carl.  
  
Shane lurched forward and tried to stand this time, but the man behind him forced him back on his knees, shoving him roughly down to the ground again. As Negan made his way over to him, he swung the bat around him, flaunting it.  
  
Maggie was quietly suffering, and Glenn’s face was one of sheer panic as he glances at her. Rosita and Abraham were trying their best to look unintimidated, but their resolve was cracking with every word Negan said.  
  
“Now this here is Lucille, she’s a vampire bat. And she is thirsty.” The smirk never left his face. “Let’s get started!” he thrust his hips forward, and his gaze turned to Shane, then to the people kneeling to his right, then to the people kneeling to his left, and finally his gaze rested on Rick.  
“You can scream. You can cry.” He winked towards Rick, “Hell, you’re all gonna be doing a hell of a lot of that!”  
“Eeny—Meenie—Miny-Moe…” With that he swung the bat into the air, and brought in down on Abraham’s shoulder. Eyes and mouth wide open in pain, Abraham inhaled, exhaled, and fell to the ground.  
  
“Taking it like a champ!” Negan said before he came down with another swing on the back of Abraham’s other shoulder, who only let out a pained grunt upon impact. Several of the people on their knees gasped, while Shane’s eyes narrowed, Daryl wearing a similar look, and Rosita’s eyes watered. Rick inhaled a shaky breath, his eyes widened until he couldn’t look anymore, and turned his head towards his son. Negan continued to litter Abraham’s back with beatings, the barbed wire catching on his skin and shirt. At some point Abraham must have passed out, because the pained grunts ceased, and his body was resting limp on the rocky ground, breath barely rising. At that point, Negan saw no use to inflict more pain on a man who couldn’t even feel it now, so he stopped.  
  
Negan straightened up, and placed the now bloody end of Lucille on the ground, holding her upright by the other end. He fixed an out of place hair, and smirked, looking to Shane, who was still looking loathingly between him and Abraham’s unconscious body. “I need to have a talk with one of you. So who’s the leader.” He kept his eyes on Shane even as he began walking over to where Rick was kneeling.  
  
A look passed between Negan and Shane as Negan made his way over to Rick. Something about the way Negan held himself and that ever-preset smirk on his face, left Shane feeling vulnerable, not for his own person, but for who Negan was slowly advancing towards.  
  
He stopped in front of Rick a second time, and this time he bent down to look him in the eye, keeping his height at a place where he could look down his nose at Rick. Ignoring Carl’s indignant growl, he latched his hand onto Rick's scruffy face, and with his other hand gripped him around his grubby jacket collar, pulling the man stumbling forward.  
  
“So is it you?” He asked Rick the question, but his eyes were on Shane, who was outright snarling at Negan. Rick nervously glanced to Shane, as much as he could through Negan’s grip on his face, and he tried to get his breathing under control as he locked eyes with Shane. When he caught Shane’s eyes, he noticed a flicker of concern cross his face, which was then swallowed by rage as he glared again at Negan.  
  
“It’s me, and you know it. Get the fuck off him.” He stood up, and advanced on Negan, slowly, at which point Negan released Rick and motioned for Shane to follow him into the trailer, pressing a still-bloody Lucille into Shane’s back, staining his shirt. “We’ll be back,” he said as Shane entered the trailer, “I’ll be back.” He said as he glanced at Rick—still in the same place he had dragged him—with that he winked, advanced into the trailer, which soon sped up out of the clearing and down the road.


	2. Clashing Egos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Shane talk. About how things are going to work now. About who is boss. About Rick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter because I was having a flow of creativity. Anyway, I forgot to mention, the reason Negan doesn't kill Abe or Glenn is because Shane is going to become the villain, and Negan has to be there to save Rick, so I didn't want Negan to be too bad. Don't worry, Negan will still be bad, just not murder-bad. I am also not planning on including non/con, but perhaps non/con elements. I'm not sure what I will include in the way of Smut either, so bear with me. I may have also forgot to include or even mention characters like Michonne in the last chapter, that was not intentional. I honestly forgot everyone who was In that scene and so it may seem like they're not there but they are... in my head. Maybe I'll go back and edit something that makes that more clear. Thank :)

“Let’s talk.” Negan’s voice was deep and rumbling, almost a growl. His eyes were narrowed, but he still had that shit-eating grin on his face, an air of confidence surrounding his very being. Shane had stopped the trailer at Negan’s insistence, no, at Negan’s demand, under a bridge in the middle of the road.

“So talk.” Was his gruff reply, face still as furious as when they were first cornered by the Saviors a few hours ago. It was silent for a few seconds, save for the dead surrounding the vehicle. His eyes flashed toward the table near the back of the trailer, where his ax was lying.

Negan just stared at him, leveling him, until, “I don’t think I like your tone, ah, what did you say your name was?” Negan’s grin hadn’t left, despite his equally gruff tone. He sat down in the passenger seat, eyes still higher than Shane’s due to his superior height.

“I didn’t. And its Shane.” ********“Shane. Well you probably already know that I’m-“

“Negan. Got it.” he cut the taller man off. At this, Negan’s grin intensified, and so did the fire in his eyes.

“Now, Shane, like I was saying. I don’t like your fucking tone. At all.” He inched forward on the seat, looming over Shane threateningly. “If you’re gonna work for me, you’re gonna have to learn who the boss is-“ **** ****

“Now wait just a fucking minute,” Shane, not one to be bossed, squared his shoulders and sat a little taller, not as tall as Negan, but a noticeable difference. “Work for you? I don’t work for anyone.” **** ****

“Oh. I see how it is.” Negan’s expression turned smug. “You’d rather I wiped your shit-stain of a group off the fucking planet, then?” Like a sudden change in weather, Negan’s face became stormy, and he gripped the back of Shane’s neck and turned him toward the dashboard, slamming his head into the wheel. Shane, unprepared for such a sudden attack, took the hit to the full extent, and when he pulled back, his vision swam for a second, and he could feel a wetness spreading on his forehead.

 **** ****Both men stood up suddenly, cramped in the small proximity of the trailer’s front, and squared off, ready for a fight. Negan had the advantage, being taller and managing a hit on the bulky man just seconds prior that left him slightly dazed. He gripped Shane by the back of the neck, shoving him forward into the middle-area of the trailer. **** ****Negan grabbed Shane’s shoulders and flipped him around so his back was on the floor, lying up, blood from the gash on his forehead dripping around his eye. Negan was on top of him, his knee pressing into his chest and the length of his leg holding down one hand, the other secured against his chest.

 **** ****“Listen to me, Shane,” his voice was like gravel, grating and low and very threatening. “Either you and your little group work for me, provide for me, or I will have no problem bashing your heads in with my baby here.” He gestured to that damned bat resting against the wall in the corner. **** ****

“On second thought,” Negan’s eyes had this strange glint in them, “Maybe I won’t kill all of you.” **** ****

Shane struggled, seeming to have an idea of what the man on top of him would say next. **** ****

“That boy. He seems scary as fuck. Cute, but damn scary. I bet he would be the perfect right-hand man for me, hell, he could even be my protégé.”

Shane was huffing loudly, his paternal instincts insulted at the prospect of Negan becoming a presence in Carl’s life. But that wasn’t the last of Negan’s taunts.

“And those women. Damn, do you know how hard it is to find badass women who also look like that? Yeah, I wouldn’t kill everyone…” **** ****

“You fucking bastard,” Negan just ground his knee harder into Shane’s chest. **** ****

“And speaking of looks… That man. The blue-eyed pretty one, now there’s someone I’d definitely not kill. Do you know how hard it is to find someone with those kind of eyes? I swear, it’s always the pretty one who die first.” Negan chuckled at the look of utter fury on Shane’s face.

“I just might have to keep that one all for myself.” He licked his lips lewdly, not looking at Shane and instead looking straight ahead, seemingly in a daze.

 **** ****Regardless of Negan’s lack of attention towards his captive, Shane’s struggles were renewed again at the lewd insinuation at Rick’s expense and he managed to flip himself on his side, slipping Negan’s knee off him and punching the man into the seat in the left of the trailer. **** ****Negan recovered quickly, pushing Shane against the wall and wrapping his hands around the shorter man’s neck, choking him.

 **** ****“Calm you fucking tits, would you,” He snarled, pounding Shane’s head into the wall behind him, “So Blue Eyes is a touchy subject for you, too fucking bad. There’s been a change in ownership, everything you had before is mine now. Everything you will scavenge or produce is mine now. Got it?” Negan punctuated the question by slamming Shane’s head against the wall again. **** ****

“How the fuck are we supposed to live?!” He strained out, airflow becoming increasingly scarce through Negan’s hands on his neck.

“I’m not a monster, dumbass. I’ll allow you half. But rest assured, I’m only letting you keep half of my haul, so that you can continue to produce for me. I own it all, keep it in mind. I own all your people too. So if I want someone, I’ll have them.” **** ****

Shane’s eyes narrowed at the insinuated challenge, “You’re delusional if you think Rick would ever-“

“Ah, so his name is Rick,” Negan’s head tilted up, looking at Shane—still struggling to breath—down his nose, haughtily. “I think you’re the one who’s delusional. No one’s gonna want you after I’m done castrating you. Now, go get my ax.”

 **** ****Negan suddenly dragged Shane towards the door, throwing both Shane’s ax and Shane out into the rain, among the dead who had gathered around the trailer at the sound of their fight. The ax landed considerably farther than Shane would like to venture towards, and being surrounded by walkers, he had to first fight off the ensuing mob. **** ****Pushing the reanimated bodies in front of him down, he managed to shove his way towards the ax, and upon its retrieval, he used it to fight his way back into the trailer, slamming the door shut, with Negan.

Being anywhere near the guy seemed like the worst kind of situation, but he’d rather stay alive than leave the Alexandrians, and especially Rick and his kids, vulnerable to the desires of Negan, and there was no way he would be able to make it the night without shelter.

“Good,” Negan praised him like a dog for the retrieval of ‘his’ ax, taking it from Shane’s hands. “Now let’s get back to that group of yours.” He forcibly sat Shane—who was still panting—down in the driver’s seat, and they made their way back to the clearing, Negan smiling unnervingly the whole way.

 **** ****“I can’t wait to get to know Rick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment (if you want) telling me anything, what you liked or didn't like, what I could do better. I'm really trying to write realistic dialogue and realistic scene progression. I've never written a story before. The only thing I have written is HS and college essays and other assignments, so I'm really new to this type of writing. Thank much :)


	3. Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick can't help but draw parallels between this night and the night that he and Shane's relationship shifted forever.
> 
> Warning for touchy subject matter: implied non-consensual sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I'm very sorry that it has taken me, what has it been, a month? Half a month? to update this, but I've had quite an awful hard time. Not just with this, but with my personal life as well. I won't bore you with too much of the details but my pet rabbit passed, I failed one of my finals, and I had to work some really sucky shifts at work. Then I tried to write more but I had a bit of hiccups on how to continue with the scene progression. Rest assured, I will do my best to continue this story.

As the trailer approached, Rick could just slightly make out Shane’s form at the wheel. He looked more than a bit worse for wear, which surprised Rick, although it shouldn’t. His face was bloodied, and he appeared to be breathing heavily; the overall state of the man was more than a little roughed up, shockingly. Though Shane was only human, he had been a seemingly omnipotent force in not only Rick’s life, but in the whole groups life as well, for a while now. He was a ruthless, dominant, and often pig-headed man to begin with, even somewhat before the end of the world, but his brutal nature had only amplified since the night that he showed his true colors, the night that Rick was forced to relinquish the reigns of leadership and submit to Shane.

That night their dynamic changed, permanently, because of what Shane did.

 

It was dark. Rick struggled to see into the distance in front of him, where he could just make out a clearing in the trees. He heard Shane stomp noisily behind him, wincing at every heavy footfall as they both approached the clearing.

Knowing that Shane had him held t gunpoint, Rick struggled to control both his anger and the panic welling up in his gut. His breathing was labored, though they had only fought a short while before Shane had pulled his gun.

Shane continued to trudge forward, forcing Rick further towards the clearing.

“What the fuck do you think you’re going to do, Shane?” Rick should have seen this coming, should have known that this was a ploy to get him alone. “You going to kill me and then what? Take my family? Pretend they’re your own?” Shane only huffed in response.

They were just at the precipice of the clearing, emerging from the brush, when Shane finally spoke, his gun cautiously lowered.

“You should have stayed dead, man.” Rick turned abruptly, insulted that Shane was still on about that. Shane’s eyes were downcast, he was sweating profusely, glaring up through his brows at Rick. “We didn’t need you back. I was there for them when you weren’t.” Shane’s eyes narrowed, and a glimmer of something dark shone in his eyes as he regarded Rick, sizing him up.

“I’ll be there for them again, when you aren’t. I’ll be better than you were, even before.” His face hardened at that, and he made to raise the gun again, “You should just leave before I kill you-“, but Rick had all but tackled him to the cold, wet ground, where they sprawled out and struggled.

“What the hell have you become, Shane!” Rick bellowed as he slammed Shane’s hand into the ground, knocking the gun from his hand. “You were my friend! My partner! And now you’re trying to kill me?” he punctuated each accusation with a hard slam of his fist into Shane’s skull. “You fucking bastard! I’m not gonna leave, I’m not gonna let you take them!”

Shane’s face was oozing blood, from his nose, his lips, and several gashes inflicted from Rick’s wedding band. He seemed taken aback, momentarily stunned by Rick’s sudden attack, before he recovered and freed his left hand, reaching for the gun that had been slammed out of his reach.

After several seconds of continually taking punch after punch from Rick, and being unable to get a grip on his weapon, Shane struggled against Rick’s smaller frame on top of him.

Eventually he was able to get a hit in, and Rick fell backwards, caught off guard and momentarily stunned, which allowed Shane to straddle his hips, turning the tables on Rick, punching and strangling him.

“If you’re not gonna leave, then I’m gonna make good use of you, Rick.” Shane glowered above him, spitting his name like a curse. His relentless barrage of punches stopped, but the hand around Rick’s neck only tightened.

Rick’s vision began to swim, blue orbs threatening to slip shut both from the lack of air and the hits to his face, his hands were weakly prying at the thick hands around his neck, but through all his dazedness he could make out a sudden shift in Shane’s demeanor.

It was something he’d seen before, back in their academy days before Lori, when they would pick up girls at bars for one night stands, trying their luck. It was the same look that Shane regarded those girls with that he was regarding Rick with now. Predatory. Domineering. And also, Rick was disinclined to admit, sexual, as well.

“I’m gonna make something of you, Ricky,” Shane’s face was now uncomfortably close to Rick’s, hot breath mingling in the cold air, “you best believe that I’ll make something of you, put you to use, Rick.”

Rick could feel himself about to black out, his vision almost entirely black around the edges, before Shane released his hold on his throat, and his lungs involuntarily inhaled the much-needed air, burning from deprivation. Rick struggled to move, but with Shane’s superior weight bearing down on his hips, he was unable to in his weakened state.

At Rick’s struggles, Shane’s sadistic expression turned stormy, his mouth twisted in a sneer. In his fit of anger at Rick’s resistance, he grabbed a hold of Rick’s arm, right above his bicep, before pulling it up and out away from Rick’s body.

Rick shrieked, his back arching what little amount he was able between the ground and Shane’s body. He felt tears involuntarily well up in his eyes, blurring his vision further, as he came to the realization that Shane had dislocated his shoulder, hard.

Shane’s hand moved from his neck to his shoulder, the other tangling in his curly hair, forcing his head back, pinning him to the cold ground. He glowered down at Rick, his face acquiring a more sadistic glint as his upper body inched down, until his defined chest was pressed flush against Rick’s smaller frame.

“Sh’ne, S-stop-s—“ Rick’s voice was harsh, his breathing still intensely labored, his hand pressed to Shane’s chest in an attempt to disengage the larger man from atop him. Rick’s resistance only served to spur Shane on as he pressed impossible closer, the hand previously in Rick’s hair coming down to grip Rick’s wrist, stretching his uninjured arm above his head and pinning it to the ground, while his other hand lay useless at his side.

“If you’re not gonna leave, Rick, then I’m gonna own you.” A sickening grin stretched across Shane’s face, as he bared his hips down onto Rick’s, upon which Rick was horrified to realize that there was something stiff there, pressing against him.

“N—Stop! Get the hell off me!” Rick’s struggles were renewed, his brows drawn together as an intense nausea welled up in his gut at the thought of what was about to occur, what Shane was inevitably planning on doing to him.

His movements became panicked, his limbs shook as Shane’s hand worked roughly on his own belt, unfastening it. He pulled it out of his pants loops, and brought it up to Rick’s hand, stretching his dislocated arm upward, fastening his hands together above his head.

Rick groaned in pain at the rough treatment of his injured arm, momentarily stopping his struggle to focus on the pain, trying not to cry out loud.

“I own you, Rick.” Shane’s irises had been almost entirely swallowed by black, sadistic grin in place, nd that intense glint still present in his eyes.

What occurred next had caused the cementation of the shift in leadership roles, and the drastic change in Rick’s very life.

 

 

It had happened several times since, but none of them had been as bad as that first night.

The two men exited the trailer. As the leader of the group, Negan, had shoved Shane forward back into the circle, Shane’s eyes caught Rick’s. He stared at the man with that same glint that he’d had that night Rick’s life had took a turn for the worst.

Possessive. Domineering. Hungry.

And the tall man behind him who had accompanied him in the trailer, well, he too was staring at Rick with a look not much different, though there was a fleck of something in his expression.

A concernedness, a caution. The intensity of his gaze had Rick’s eyes skittering downward in fear.

“Alright,” Negan had turned away from him then, addressing Shane in the center of the group once again. “I’m sure your leader can relay the dilemma which I have faced you with to you,” he motioned to the limp, still-bleeding body of Abraham on the ground, “get home and get this fuck some help.”

He made his way leisurely over to Rick, crouching down and regarding him with a predatory glance, one that stirred the panic and fear in his guts tenfold, “I’ll come by in a few days to… say hello.” He straightened up, smirking, making his way to the edge of the treeline where their vehicles were supposedly hidden, his gait nothing if not entirely confident, full of smugness and bravado.

The rest of the men followed their leader, making their way to the forest edge, guns still trained on the group of people left in the center of the clearing.  And just as swiftly as they’d intercepted the group, they left them, alone, kneeling in the dirt, afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks very much for reading, and thanks to everyone who left kudos, and comments. The comments especially help to inspire me and keep me writing. Please let me know if you enjoyed this, thanks much!


	4. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Rick prepares an offering for the Saviors, he remembers the events just before arriving at Alexandria. This flashback includes not only Rick's thoughts on the situation, but Shane's as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Guess who's back. Been a while, I know. I had so much trouble with this chapter, but it was fun. I wanted to include some of Shane's thoughts in the flashback, but Rick is remembering the flashback, so it's a bit weird. so it's not supposed to be from Rick's perspective, its just there to show what has happened so far.

It had been a power grab, the disgusting way in which Shane had stolen his dignity, Rick had come to believe. He had caught Shane’s eye multiple times, especially after the claimers, after he and Carl were almost… well, his dignity couldn’t have lasted much if Shane hadn’t jumped in after Rick had ripped the throat out of the leader, spurring the others to attack and almost commit the horrendous acts on him and his son.

Since then, the way Shane behaved around him, especially when they were alone, became more pronouncedly watchful. Rick’s arm never quite returned to normal after the incident, after Shane popped it out of its socket it never regained complete dexterity and full use. Shane often performed the more difficult tasks for him, moving heavy belongings and taking care of the dead ones. It seemed he enjoyed providing for Rick, as he always developed a certain look in his face every time Rick struggled slightly to achieve things on his own.

Rick had fled his house in favor of the food storage room, attempting to sort out a suitable haul in anticipation for the Saviors’ expected visit any minute now. The room itself was a garage only a few seconds walk away.

Shane had been brooding around the house, pacing back and forth menacingly, mouth twisted in a scowl, brows furrowed as he scratched at his scalp nervously. Carl had been ignoring him for the most part, unafraid of the larger man, casting him annoyed looks before finally leaving to join Enid in the attic next door.

Rick had grown increasingly anxious at Shane’s incessant prowling, eyes skittering away each time the man’s gaze turned toward him. He had bounced a tired Judith on his knee, her presence a comfort, before relenting and placing her in her crib, happy that she would at least be spared from the eyes of the saviors.

He had to get away from Shane, so here he was, the storage room. Sorting the various cans provided him some clarity, which was good and bad, good because he desperately needed some semblance of calmness, but bad because it allowed him to look back on how they had come to the situation he was now stuck in, both at Alexandria, and his personal struggle with his former best friend.

 

 

They were dirty, tired, and ceaselessly fearful or the ever-present threat of both the walkers, and people who might be even more dangerous than the walkers.

Rick had been especially anxious, after everything that had happened. He had thought his daughter had died, and he was not even beginning to cope well with the fact that they had narrowly avoided their demise at Terminus. Upon discovery that Judith had survived, thanks to Tyreese and Carol, Rick had collapsed on the dirt path, clutching the baby to his chest, relieved tears running down his face.

Everyone took the tiny baby’s survival as a sign, that maybe, even after all the shit they’d been through, they too could survive. Maggie and Glenn were in a similar state of teary relief, and Carl was in the same position as his father. Even the ever-stony-faced Daryl was on his knees beside Rick, moisture spreading around his eyes as he pet Judith’s head. Michonne was smiling brightly, though her lip quivered, arms around Carl, hugging him. Sasha and Tyreese were locked in an embrace, Sasha fiercely gripping her brother’s frame, crying softly.

Even Shane had a look of happy disbelief, short huffs of breath coming out of his smiling mouth. He nodded to Tyreese in thanks, not willing to say anything with the man he was not on good terms with, but thankful nonetheless.

“Thank you…” He murmured into Carol’s ear, his face serious. He had not regretted sending the dangerous woman away from their previous home, but he had come to the revelation that maybe she did what she thought she had to when she killed the sick at the prison. Seeing Rick’s state of emotion, Shane resolved that he would accept her back into the fold, should Rick want that.

“Of course…” Carol replied with a delicately hopeful smile, her brows upturned and her eyes shining.

A lot of the dictatorial decisions Shane made where based off what Rick had advised him. The man hadn’t ever spoken outright on what he should do when faced with a difficult decision, but Shane could read the way Rick reacted, the offhand comments he quietly made, and he tried to do what was best for the group based on what Rick had secretly shown him.

It was an attempt to get on the man’s good side. God knows he wanted to be on Rick’s good side. He had been silent and submissive ever since that night in the field, when Shane had made the most stupid decision of his life. He had wanted Rick for so long, before shit hit the fan, even, though not consciously, he supposed. Taking him had ruined any friendship they had, and he had spent the better part of a year trying to make it up to him, trying to provide for him, and his kids. Their kids.

Shane understood that maybe the way he went about it was perhaps the wrong way, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He had no doubt that if he didn’t treat Rick the way he had on that night, one of them would probably be dead, a victim of clashing egos and dominance. There could only be one leader, and Shane had no shame in what he had to do to ensure a working dynamic between him and Rick. But once he got a taste of the other man, he was addicted, but he didn’t want to do it like he had done before. It was just luck that they hadn’t been caught by the others in the group, and it was even luckier for him that Rick seemed to ashamed to come clean to anyone about his loss of dominance to Shane.

Carol, Michonne, and surprisingly Daryl had been suspicious of the two since that night. They were often individually trying to get Rick alone, and when they managed, they would speak in hushed tones, with questioning lilts in their brows, and serious expressions on their faces. They’d often regard Shane with some level of suspicion, and Daryl would outright glare at him, though the hunter leveled practically everyone with that look. The point was, Rick had allies that would surely be ready to rip Shane apart should Rick disclose what Shane had done to him. So Shane had to tread carefully, for his own life, and for any future with Rick.

That’s why, when Noah suggested the go to his neighborhood a few miles east, he looked to Rick, clandestinely, to see if he could discern his feelings on the matter.

“My… my folks could still be alive. I feel like they are,” Noah’s voice faded into the background as Shane’s eyes affixed themselves onto Rick, still clutching Judith, “They’re a few miles away, two hours, tops.” Maggie replied to him, “It sounds like a good plan. We should at least talk about this,” and everyone else chimed in their thoughts on the matter, but Shane was only interested in Rick.

He was looking at each face of everyone in the group, his natural leadership skills calculating everyone’s reaction, until his eyes came to rest on Shane. He looked hopeful, optimistic, even, behind a guarded expression.

“It seems to me, well… It…” His voice was hoarse, unused since he had been tied and almost slaughtered at Terminus. “It seems like a good idea as any…” Everyone had gone silent at Rick’s rough mutterings, listening to his recommendation. His eyes took in everyone’s expressions, cataloging their mostly agreeing faces, before he again swiveled those blue eyes Shane’s way.

“Well then,” Shane supposed he had no choice but to acquiesce, outnumbered and unwilling to exercise his authority over something that might end up being a good decision in the long run. It was probably best to distance themselves from this hellhole in case some of those fuckers survived the explosion. How was he supposed to refuse anyway? Rick had a str Rick was in no state to fight, what with Judith in his arms and his emotional trauma, and the rest of the group didn’t look too swell either, fatigue mirroring in their eyes and hungry growls emitting from their guts.

“I guess we better get start—“

He was interrupted by soft growls, wisps of snarls coming from a short distance away, and a shout hat was distinctly not dead.

“Let’s go.” He motioned for Abraham, Daryl, and Glenn to take standard diamond shaped formation, while he led at the front, with Rick keeping an eye on the rear with Tyreese and Carl, Michonne standing ready with her katana, Bob, Tara, Rosita and Eugene among others inside the circle reinforcing it as they advanced forward, off the dirt road into the wooded area where the snarls were emanating from.

“Help! Please help!” Each member of the group stood ramrod straight, paused between the trees listening to the distressed voice coming from not too far ahead, looking at each other seemingly contemplating whether or not they should enact the effort of saving the man, before hurriedly making their way forward, decision unanimously made. They weren’t going to become like the brutality they had just survived.

 

It turned out to be Father Gabriel that they saved that day. He was at first untrustworthy, annoying, and somewhat useless, but after some time he became somewhat integrated into the way the group lives now, Rick lamented.

That day had been filled with running and fighting. The group had stayed with Gabriel at his insistence in his church, thinking they were safe. But a few of the Terminus group had found them, killed Bob, and nearly several others.

It ended fairly well for them, though the collective emotional state of the group took a hit as a result of how things ended.

“You don’t get to live. Not after today.” Rick had shown immense strength, strategically setting a trap for the cannibals, before hacking Gareth to a bloody pile of meat. Shane had stood back, watching the curve of his back and the rippling flesh of his arms as he mercilessly slaughtered Gareth, the way his face turned menacing, it brought Shane back to that night with the claimers, when Rick had torn out a man’s throat with his teeth.

Shane was glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of Rick’s brutality, grateful that he had a sense of control over the seemingly submissive, but clandestinely powerful man.

Things got better when they arrived at Alexandria, though Rick still found himself at the end of his rope when dealing with Shane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for reading, and thanks to everyone who commented and kudosed on the last chap. The comments really keep me inspired to continue on. Next chapter will be very juicy, I promise. Might be a bit hard on poor Rick, but something tells me that's exactly what you guys want to read. Can't have any Comfort without the hurt. I think that's called wump/whump/whoobie, idk. That's what I've seen tagged for that type of thing. Please leave comment on what you think I cold improve or what you liked. :) 
> 
> Also, my other fic for those who have read, I am almost kinda done with the last chapter, its very long so that's why it's taken me so long. 
> 
> Thanks mates.


	5. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane feels as though he has become complacent in his leadership, Rick senses a storm coming with the looming presence of the saviors drawing near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, back. So this chapter is more about the situation, and Rick and Shane's relationship.  
> Warning for non-con touching and mentions of rape.

The saviors were due to be here for their pickup any minute. Shane had been pacing, irritated at the thought that that prick Negan would soon be within the walls, within his town. He had stomped around the house, trying to figure out some way, _any way_ he could stop Negan from having free reign over them.

It didn’t help his attitude any that Rick was just sitting there, so close and so small, innocently bouncing Judith on his knee. Every time he interacted with Judith, it made something swell within Shane. Considering how things happened with Lori, Judith was no doubt his, and Shane knew this. Sometimes he would catch Rick holding her, looking at her in such a way that he perhaps knew that she was Shane’s as well.

Of course, he is still as loving as ever; the way Rick treated Carl and Judith was perhaps an even bigger draw. After Lori’s death, Shane thought of Rick and himself as Judith’s parents, and he was always trying to be there for Carl.

Rick sighed and put an almost-sleeping Judith down. He avoided Shane’s eyes as he left through the front door.

Threatening to take away the man he considered the nurturer of his child, and pairing that up with how submissive and wholly defenseless Rick is, well, its and understatement to say that that didn’t bode well with Shane at all.

After a few minutes of restless pacing, Shane’s anxiety and possessiveness compelled him out the front door the same way Rick had gone, walking the streets searching for him, leaving Carl and a sleeping Judith.

The threat to not only his leadership, but his… his _property_ , that was what Rick was to him, wasn’t it? He is raising their child, he gives it up for Shane, he’s there /for/ Shane. Threatening to take away what he owned stirred up those maelstrom of violent feelings, feelings that had long laid idle since after their arrival at Alexandria.

Shane paces down the street, trying to keep the anger out of his gait, not wanting the others to see. Things had become good after a short time of being here, after Shane had seized power, that he had almost forgotten what it felt like to have his property, his dominance, his very existence threatened. He had become complacent here.

 

 

It was nice. Well furnished rooms, luxuries, everything. Rick was still a little hesitant, but after the first two days, he relaxed, albeit just a little... Shane had been even more on edge at their new home, however.

“You can choose houses next to each other, if you like.” Deanna had been accommodating, obsequious, even.

It seemed dangerous for these people to allow them into their home like this, taking only the smallest precautions like confiscating their guns. Shane decided, if he was to stay here, with Rick and Carl and Judith, he would make this place strong. He would do it for Rick and their family.

The people as well, seemed shady as fuck.

Rick had showered, an experience he couldn’t imagine he would be thankful for if the world hadn’t ended, and his newly shaved face was something he was immensely thankful for as well.

There was a knock at the door, and Rick felt odd in answering it. Why didn’t they just come in?

“Hi. I’m Jessie. I live a few doors down.” The woman, Jessie, was smiling brightly. She was pretty, blond hair and young features. She held out a basket of items, from what Rick could tell at first glance, toiletries, cans of food, and coffee.

“I brought you some things. Just a little welcome basket, to say… welcome.” Her smile grew wider, and Rick felt himself returning it.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. Would you come in?” He took the offered basket, and motioned inward.

“No, well, I um… I came over to offer my services as well. I use to be a hair dresser, and if you needed that, if anyone was interested in that, well…”

 

Shane came down the stairs after a much-needed shower and shave. Most of the group had left the house in favor of exploring the town. Some had gone out of curiosity, but Shane knew that others, like Carol and Daryl, were there to scope out the defenses and weaknesses of the place, always vigilant and cautious.

He had yet to see Rick, which made him nervous. He seemed to be avoiding him since they arrived there. He heard Carl’s laugh and coos from Judith coming from the kitchen.

“You look normal again,” he heard Carl say as he made his way over. “I like it.”

“I’ll say. You definitely look less scruffy, Rick.” Shane sped up at the distinctly high pitched voice of a woman.

Rick looked up as Shane came through the doorway. He caught Shane’s eyes once, the brown orbs searching Rick’s face, before moving around the room cataloging each face, stopping on the woman.

Shane’s face betrayed irritation, but despite that, Jessie approached him, holding out her hand and smiling.

“Hi. I’m Jessie. I used to cut hair. I’d offer to cut yours, but,” She gestured to his shaven head, “seems like you’ve got it covered.” Shane said nothing, his expression annoyed.

Rick cleared his throat, uncomfortable in the silence. “Well, thanks very much. I appreciate it, Jessie.”

 

After saying goodbye to the woman, Rick turned his head to regard Shane, his brows downturned, an unhappy expression on his face. He was glad that Carl had taken Judith for a walk around town to find Michonne before Jessie left, God knows he didn’t want them here for what he was sure was about to happen. “She was just cutting my hair, Shane. She has two boys, around Carl’s age.”

Shane scoffed, “Well isn’t everyone just super friendly around here.” He stormed forward, hands on Rick’s shoulders, “Before you know it, you’ll have all the ladies ‘cutting your hair,’ hell, even some men I bet.” He backed Rick up against the wall, pressing him closely between his larger frame and the hard interior of the house. “Maybe you forgot, Rick, but I still own you. Even here, this may be some civilization, but that shit on the farm, that’ll never change, Ricky-boy.”

His eyes were burning holes through Rick’s, furious face just inches from Rick’s cowering one.

“You owe me everything. I won’t have you stepping out on me,”

“I wasn’t—“ at Rick’s interruption he shook him by the shoulders, violently.

“I saw the way you looked at her, don’t think you can get anything like that from anyone else but me.” Suddenly and without warning, he spun Rick’s frame around, pressing his front to the wall. His arms twisted around Rick’s middle.

“Maybe you need some more?” His voice was mockingly sweet, deep and sensual and so very sickening. “is that it? You in need of some attention of… _that_ kind?” One of his hands slid down Rick’s body, stopping on his groin.

“N—no!” Rick yelped in a high-pitched tone, struggling against Shane’s hold on him.

“Oh, you need some release, don’t you Rick?” his hand came up to the waistband, stopping to undo his pants, when they were interrupted by a knock at the door, right next to them.

Shane quickly released Rick, who stood up straight and took a deep breath, calming himself. He rubbed at his eyes, but Shane refused to believe that he had been crying. It wasn’t that bad for fucks sake.

“Come in.” Rick responded weakly after several seconds of silence. Deanna entered, smiling at both of them, unaware of what had just transpired moments ago.

“Your friends have all picked houses. I was just wondering if this one was yours.” She stood in the doorway, looking between both Rick and Shane.

“No—“ Rick had been about to protest to the idea of living with Shane, but he was cut off, his voice still weak from the previous events.

“Yes.” Shane’s voice rang strong, commanding, and final. He looked to Rick, his face appearing neutral to anyone who didn’t know him, but rick could spot that tell-tale upturn of one side of his mouth, a sure sign that he was feeling smug, as if he had won.

“It’s best if we live together. We are raising a child, after all,” he smiled at Deanna, a false smile for sure. “And this way I can… help Rick out. Thank you, Deanna, you’ve been very kind to us.”

And thus Rick’s fate was sealed.

 

It had taken him by surprise, the way Shane had become an almost-normal presence in his life. Carl enjoyed his day to day activities, hanging out with friends, and Judith was doing well here. Shane treated him better, though he would still catch a look in his eye every now and again.

Rick had sorted a large pile of cans on the floor for the saviors’ offering. He reminisced about how Shane had gotten better, after he had secured the town and become the leader of not just their group, but the whole of Alexandria after Deanna’s death. He’d been kinder, that was for sure, and he hadn’t touched Rick in that manner since their arrival.

But with the threat of Negan came Shane’s bad attitude. Rick could feel the shift as soon as they were left in the dirt after Negan had beaten them all into submission. He was beginning to feel unsafe around Shane yet again.

Not that he ever felt safe with him to begin with, not since that night on the farm. But Shane really had been doing better.

“This’ll have to be enough.” Rick said to no one in particular, gazing at the cans remaining on the shelf, seemingly in a daze.

He was startled out of his reverie by the slam of a door somewhere in the house. He heard footsteps just outside the door to the basement, and he wondered anxiously if the Saviors were here already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leave a comment telling me what you liked/didn't like, etc. Thanks, guys.


	6. Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane intimidates Rick in the storage room. Carl thinks about how his father should be the leader, and he devises a plan on how to make it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back back back. back again. Its me, boys!! Haha thanks for all the great comments on the last chapter, apologies if i didn't respond to them. I tried to make this chapter LONG because I realized how short the chapters were. I'm gonna shoot for at least 2k words now, hopefully. Might take a little longer, but I dislike when there are really short chapters where nothing happens so I'm trying not to be a hypocrite here. this chapter is dedicated to everyone who commented last chapter, esp. Mary who said she was literally refreshing the page all the time just to see if I've updated. I was like "Dude I better update for this poor girl, jesus christ lmao."

Rick was startled out of his reverie by the slam of a door somewhere in the house. He heard footsteps just outside the door to the basement, and he wondered painedly if the Saviors were here already. Someone was rampaging through the storage house.

“Rick!” with a sinking feeling, Rick realized that it was Shane, and he sounded angry. Before he could make a break for it, the basement door burst open, and Shane stomped in. He froze upon seeing Rick standing in the middle of the room, a deer in headlights look in his blue eyes.

Shane, on the other hand, looked furious.

“You should be in the house, or somewhere they can’t find you!” He stormed forward, crowding Rick against one of the metal shelves against the back wall.

“Take Judith and hide in the cellar. I don’t want you near those assholes.” He loomed over Rick, oppressive in his stature.

Rick tried to remain strong against the demand. “I have to be there. They’ve seen me already.” He stood tall against Shane, broadening his chest out and meeting his eyes with a look that was full of uncompromised defiance.

The expressions that battled upon Shane’s face were anger, fear, incredulousness, until it settled on fury. He caged Rick in with his arms, gripping his shoulders and pushing the smaller man against the unforgiving planks of the metal shelf. “No, you can’t. You won’t,” Shane practically growled, brown eyes scorching hot with raw fury at the suggestion that Rick would be subjected to another man’s lingering gaze, and furious more that he would even think to defy Shane.

He thought he had beaten that out of Rick when he had beaten him into submission. Evidently not, if the angered glare Rick leveled at him was anything to go by.

“I won’t sit here and let them terrorize my people.” Blue eyes stared back at brown, both with an equal fire blazing in them. “Our people,” Rick amended. He didn’t struggle against the increasing pressured hold Shane had on his shoulder, even though it was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, especially on his injured arm.

He would hold fast for his people; he would fight for them.

Shane’s eyes widened at Rick’s words, at the implication that the people, that his people, were Rick’s people also; Rick’s people to control and lead, his to own. The simple insinuation that that was the case left Shane even more furious than before.

“They’re not your people, they’re my people, and I’ll do with ‘em what I dictate is best,” He pressed Rick impossibly closer to the shelf, its joints creaking at the pressure as Shane leaned into Rick bodily. Rick yelped in pain at the action, flinching as he felt a pinch of agony travel up through his injured arm.

“Sh-Shane! St—ahh! Stop!” A sick feeling welled inside Shane as Rick’s demeanor rapidly changed, his brows drawing up and together as tears filled his eyes and pained gasps rasped their way out of his throat. Seeing him in pain at Shane’s own hands unleashed a sick pleasure inside him, like it confirmed that Rick was, in fact, his, and he had all power over the smaller man.

“Let me tell you something, Rick,” He leaned in close to Rick’s ear, breath hot against his neck, “I’m the boss around here, or do you need to be reminded again? Seems like everyone needs to be reminded who the real leader here is. Should I do this out there?” He jutted his chin towards the garage door, “Should I show everyone how you took it like a bitch the last time? Maybe I should teach you a lesson through someone else, huh?” A twisted smile wormed its way onto Shane’s face at that.

“Your boy, or should I say, our boy,” Rick attempted to struggle out of Shane’s hold at that, but he was out-done. “Our boy, has been real disrespectful as of late. I think it’s about time I taught him a little respect for someone other than his pussy father, huh?”

“Don’t you touch him, I’ll fucking—guh!” Shane gripped his injured arm and stretched it upwards, higher than Rick could stretch it on his own, pulling hard at the nerves and tendons, sending sharp bursts of pain up throughout the limb. “Ahh!!”

He was bluffing, of course. Shane wouldn’t hurt the boy like that; he saw him too much as his own son. But anything to get Rick to bend, to kneel, was not beneath his moral compass to use.

Anything that could get Rick back in line, he would use against him. Because he needed him. Shane needed Rick, and those saviors were about to take everything from him, and if they took Rick, he’d have to fight through the nose to get him back. Any incentive that could be used to control Rick was something he had to use. For Rick.

Rick didn’t know that though.

“If you touch him, I’ll kill you, y-you bastard! I’ll rip your throat out!” Rick was sweating profusely; the pain Shane was inflicting on his arm making his delirious. Shane lifted his arm further, causing Rick to scream at the intense pain. He had to get him to follow orders again.

He froze in place when he heard a rumbling through the ceiling. Someone was upstairs, running through the house it seemed. The footsteps were loud as fuck, too. Someone heavy had heard them and was approaching, fast, Shane realized.

He entered so fast that Shane had no time to even consider hiding or finding a weapon before the door burst open.

 

Carl was annoyed. More than that, even. He was downright pissed. No, that wasn’t right either. He was absolutely furious.

He loved his father more than anything, except maybe Judith, so to see him being treated like fucking garbage on a daily basis by the man who was supposedly his father’s best friend was infuriating.

He was lounging around the house, how couldn’t he when it was the first luxury he had had since the end of the world? Shane had been on edge since the less-than-savory encounter with Negan and his gang, pacing angrily around the house and driving his dad out of his mind.

He had been rough with his dad. Carl first noticed it when they moved on from the farm, after the fire and the herd. His dad seemed more… quiet, submissive, even, to Shane’s presence. Carl couldn’t help but feel he had missed something between them, with the sudden change in their dynamic. It had something to do with Rick’s injured arm, and Shane’s new found confidence, obviously, but every time Carl had tried to ask about it his father had shot him down, changed the subject, or even froze up and started hyperventilating.

“I-its nothing Carl. He just knows… best. Really this is best for everyone. Don’t… don’t question him, please, Carl.” He had said one day, fear glistening over his eyes that wouldn’t meet Carl’s.

His dad had seemed almost fragile from that point on, and Carl recognized that fragility. He had been trying his best to protect him from the harsh world that he had grown used to. It seemed normal, the way the world was now, since Carl had grown up in it. He barely remembered the world he used to know, so he suspected things were easier on him than on his father, who must have been plagued with thoughts of the life he had once led, and tortured by the 180 difference the world had now exhibited.

Things were much easier for Carl, he assumed, and relieving some of the hardships his father had to endure was the least he could do for the man who had sacrificed everything so that his son might live.

His protective streak towards his father had ignited in him a sense of ill-will towards Shane, who it seemed had been the cause of Rick’s still-unhealed arm, and his incessant obedient nature. Shane was strong, a decent leader, but he was also a power-hungry asshole without a brain, and Carl regarded his father as a much better leader than Shane, one who could lead with the right mix of intelligence and strength.

So he had exhibited a calm defiance towards Shane, unwilling to acknowledge him as the rightful leader of the group, but not sure how he would rectify the issue. He couldn’t kill him, not on his own. The people of Alexandria trusted Shane, for some fuck-all reason. He personified mob-mentality, and the majority of Alexandria was very prone to that type of rational, but their family, those who had lived together at the prison, those who had survived Terminus, they weren’t so happy with Shane’s leadership. Carl could tell.

He huffed angrily at Shane’s pacing from his place on the couch; he was distracting him from an otherwise pleasant scene of his father bouncing Judith on his knee, though his father did look frazzled and his sister did look tired.

His father had enough of Shane’s annoying pacing, and put Judith upstairs for a nap, then left out the front door, walking hesitantly as he often did these days.

Carl could feel his brow twitching in annoyance as he had nothing to do now but watch Shane moving about the house angrily, as Carl thought on how the rest of the group was as clandestinely displeased with Shane as he was.

It was the way Carol looked at Shane while Shane looked at Rick, like she knew something, or was suspicious of something. It was the way Daryl outright glared at him when Shane would address him, hell, it was the way everyone looked between both Shane and Rick when a decision had to be made, their eyes lingering on Rick even though Shane was supposed to be the leader.

Shane stopped then and looked around dumbly, his beady eyes searching the room.

“Where the fuck is Rick?” He nearly growled

“He left while you were pacing.” Carl spoke in a disinterested manner, trying to inject as much nonchalance into his tone as possible in an attempt to annoy Shane.

“He shouldn’t be alone! Those assholes will be here soon.” He left out the door almost as fast as Rick had, no doubt searching for him so he could dictate his behavior some more. He was always having to vie for respect and leadership, even from Rick, who he had some strange hold on.

That was the difference between Shane and his dad. Rick was a natural-born leader, Shane was not. He was just a man with a desire for power, and one who, once he had it, didn’t know what to do with it. Rick naturally garnered attention from those he would otherwise lead, while Shane had to claw and scrape for that same attention. Goddamn was his father a true man if Carl ever saw one.

But even the greatest men had snakes who stood in their way.

He was a little gaunt; a little too thin, and his legs bowed a little too much than what was his natural gait, but good luck to anyone who’d assert that his father was not a dangerous man just from looking at him. Shane had to be removed from the equation. The only way for is father to have his rightful position as leader, something that was best for the entirety of the group and the whole of Alexandria, was for Shane to either be killed, or exiled.

So when they were kneeling in the dirt surrounded by goons and being surveyed by a man with a bat and a leather jacket who called himself Negan, Carl devised up a plan. The enemy of his enemy is his friend, after all.

He just wasn’t sure if Negan would go for it, and if he could do that to Shane. As far as he knew, the man hadn’t done anything that should warrant a death sentence, right?

He sighed and stretched out on the couch more fully, intending to think out every outcome of his plan until he realized that Shane was on a rampage, and he was in search for Rick. He didn’t trust Shane as far as he could throw him, which probably wasn’t all that far anyway, and he didn’t trust his father to be able nor willing to fight back. So with a jolt he pushed himself up off the couch and hurried towards the door, before stopping suddenly and turning around.

“Judith.” He said to himself. He made his way up the stairs, large boots and his considerable weight creating echoes throughout the house as he padded up each step.

He peaked in Judith’s small room, and upon seeing her still-conked out body, carefully shut the door and made his way back downstairs, making an effort to be quieter but still hurrying as he left the house, shutting the front door behind him.

Where would Rick go? He was surely not going to be wasting time in the hours before the saviors got here. He would be preparing… something. But what? He would be helping with… Carl couldn’t determine what his father would be doing as he stood in the middle of the street, squinting his single eye as he tried to think in terms of his father.

He would be… preparing their food. For the saviors. Rationing and such. The food garage!

He hurried towards the house, just a few seconds from their own, and he was pleased to find the front door unlocked, but then he realized Shane might be there as well, and his adrenaline spiked as he ran through the house.

He got to the basement door, and without hesitation he flew down the stairs, boots pounding against the wood.

He threw open the door to the garage, and the sight that greeted him made him see red.

He suddenly had no reserves about killing Shane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight, thanks so much again for the comments and for kudosing. Don't forget to comment on anything you liked/didn't like or just anything really. If there's any errors or spelling mistakes, I'd like to know too. I always read the comments :)


	7. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scene in the pantry escalates, and nothing can stop Carl and Shane's fury towards one another... Nothing except maybe... Negan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I am very sorry for not posting this an kind of just abandoning it. I am going through some personal issues atm. I am transferring to a new college and also trying to figure out some personal stuff...
> 
> Thank you so much for commenting, kudosing, and subscribing to this story. Every time I would receive a new comment asking me to continue, I would feel immensely guilty that I didn't update, and I apologize. Your comments really helped me want to get back to this, and you're all the reason I haven't abandoned this work altogether.
> 
> thank much :) this chap it dedicated to all those who commented. you inspire me.

“You fucking bastard!” Carl had burst through the door, and upon his eyes meeting Rick’s teary ones, he almost instantaneously began an assault on Shane, drop-kicking him in the chest and with near effortlessness started to beat the shit out of the man’s shocked and prone form.

“Carl!” Rick had been stunned to see the boy enter with such ferocity, and even more so had he been embarrassed by the compromising position he had been in when he burst in. Shane too, seemed shocked by the sudden entrance and aggression Carl displayed, and his shock was the reason Carl was able to get that first kick in.

Rick had been fearful of this happening. Carl was incorrigible. Any situation that involved any facet which he disliked or even moderately disagreed with he was determined to change. He could often see the boy’s eyes, then eye, linger on Shane when Rick and he had been speaking, his single blue crystalline orb narrowing fractionally at every word the dark-haired man uttered to Rick. The situation he was presented with, Rick crushed against the wall with Shane’s hand creeping up his shirt, tears in his eyes as his former best friend assaulted him, Carl’s reaction would be anything but calm. And it was.

With Shane’s reputation thus far, Rick was hard-pressed to find anything he could possibly trust him with, not the safety of his friends and certainly not the well-being of his kids, though he’d never voice this to the man out of fear.

When Carl began his assault on Shane, it was only natural for Rick to react the way he did, getting injured in the process of trying to break up the fight between his son and his… former best friend, who was, after an initial period of down-time, up and on Carl as much as Carl was on him.

There was swearing, and yelling, and the words that flew were so vulgar and harsh that Rick had to stop himself from going into dad mode just to put an end to the endless creative insults and slurs.

“You fucking rapist cocksucker!”

“Technically, that’d be an accurate title for your pussy ass father, you little shit.”

He tried not to let the hurtful words get to him, instead focusing on removing his son from the hostile situation, endlessly shouting both their names, interspersed with various pleads to stop, though it did little help to deescalate the situation.

Shane had a hand tangled into Carl’s long hair, his left hand gripping the boy’s right arm, trying to hold him at bay, away from his face. Carl was in a similar standstill with his free arm around Shane’s neck, trying to get closer to the man in attempts of strangling him completely. They seemed evenly matched, surprisingly. What Carl lacked in muscle mass he made up for in sheer determination, a slight height advantage, and a certain youthful strength exuding from his lanky frame. Rick placed himself on the left side of Shane, gripping the arm that was buried in the boy’s hair, screaming and pleading for it all to stop.

“What the fuck do you think you were about to do, you rapist fuck?!” Carl yelled, his voice coming out rasped and nearly crazed, his chest heaving as he struggled to move forward.

“Mind your fucking business, you little shit!” Both sentiments were repeated with little variation.

“Just stop! Stop!” Rick was screaming, caught between the both of them.

He couldn’t tell how long they’d been in a standstill in that position, each of them screaming their heads off, the tension rising to boiling points, before they were interrupted.

 

 

“I leave you alone for a mere few days,” Negan was pacing in front of the three of them, the situation reminiscent of the one a few days ago, with them on their knees and the tall, dark man putting on his intimidation routine, his bat hanging threateningly from his hand, “and you fucking pieces of shit are already at each other’s throats. What the fuck?”

He stopped and leaned down, coming face to face with Shane’s bleeding face, injured from Carl’s attack. Shane was glaring up through his thick and furrowed brows, breath coming out hot and irritated as his lip curled at the man in front of him.

No one dared to say anything, thinking of Abraham’s beaten body still unconscious in the medical room.

“What the fuck was this about?” Negan straightens up, continues pacing back and forth on the Alexandria pavement in the center of town, surrounded by the saviors he brought with him, and various members of the town who were curious enough to venture out of their homes to see what the commotion near the pantry is all about, and most of the people Rick considered family, watching worriedly from the sidelines.

“I come here, fully expecting a warm welcome, but instead I find that not only is your piss-poor leader not here to greet me, but he’s in fuckall getting his face smashed by _and smashing the face of_ this little cyclops here.” Negan rolled his eyes at the details of the situation were spoken out loud.

A few of his men scoffed from their places around the circle surrounding the three on their knees, but other than that it was silent. Negan handed the bat to a woman standing to his right, and stopped in front of Carl, crouching down and leaning forward, his body language saying he was trying to get the defiant boy to make eye contact, though Carl was trying hard to ignore him.

“So tell me, kid, what the fuck was this about?” He was grinning, and Rick’s anxiety rose with each passing second as the tall man continued to stare down his son. After a few seconds of defiant silence from Carl, Negan leaned in even closer and spoke lowly, so much so that Rick doubted anyone else but the three of them could hear what he said.

“I’ll tell you what I think this is about.” His grin suddenly disappeared and his eyes left Carl’s face in favor of staring Shane down, a glint of anger in his eye, one that was no doubt returned by the stocky man.

“This creepy fuck is possessive,” He was still looking at Shane but addressing Carl now, “I saw it that night. He and your daddy, well…” He leaned in and quieted his voice so much that Rick had a hard time making out what was said next, “I know what guys like him want with your pretty daddy. I’m willing to bet that that is what this shit is all about.”

Carl’s eye shot up at that, fury evident on his face, tensions rising further as Negan leaned ever-closer to him to whisper lowly something that Rick couldn’t make out. Rick didn’t have time to think about what Negan could have said or what he had already said before the situation escalated.

The stress of it was palatable, and Rick could feel his adrenaline rising as he watched, seemingly in slow motion, as Carl’s eye got wider, and his face even more outraged, nose crinkling into a snarl as he lunged forward towards Negan, sucker punching him right in the nose, and barreling forward without giving the tall man a second of respite before assaulting him full-force in a display eerily similar to the one Rick had just witnessed in the garage.

“Carl, no!” It didn’t last long as Negan’s lackeys wrenched the boy off Negan, who had fallen over in surprise at the action. Rick was deathly afraid of what would happen now, and he felt his legs begin shaking, sweat pouring off his head as he watched Negan rise from where he had fallen, blood slowly oozing out of his nostrils. He only laughed, but that made Rick feel even worse. Several saviors were now right behind himself and Shane, keeping them on their knees, and there were two keeping Carl from continuing his assault.

“Please!” Rick felt more than heard his voice shouting, his ears filled with the sound of Shane’s low shouts for Carl to be released.

Rick was unable to focus on much more than his son now, and as the saviors who were holding him waited for instructions on what to do with the struggling boy, he pleaded out repeatedly.

“Take me instead! Please! Not my son!”

Negan ignored both him and Shane’s cries for the boy to be released, and instead, with a chuckle, approached the boy once again, blood falling from his face onto the pavement below without a care as he fully focused on Carl.

“Touchy subject? I can’t imagine why.”

Carl said nothing, his struggles renewed, as Negan tilted his head, seemingly in thought.

“Take him back. I could make great use of this little serial killer.” With that Carl was dragged away, and Rick shouted his dissent until he went hoarse, and he vaguely heard Shane do the same.

He saw Carl being shoved into the passenger’s side of one of the vans, all the while as he struggled to break free of the saviors who were keeping him on his knees.

He felt tears in his eyes, and soon he was unable to see as the saviors efficiently packed up half of their supplies from the pantry, their guns from the armory and a few select items from the houses, like their mattresses and pillows. He was nearly sobbing uncontrollably as they cleared the town, entering their vehicles, one of them still containing his son, before driving off towards the gate.

Rick had thought he’d heard them all go, but after a few seconds he could hear over his sobbing, and he could make out a running engine a few feet away.

He looked up with his eyes only, still sobbing quietly, only to be greeted by Negan’s bearded face, which held and expression Rick couldn’t quite put a name to. It was soft, perhaps regret? But that was impossible. He could barely see out of his teary eyes.

He could not mistake the gentle, leather-clad hand that touched his wet face, angling it upwards towards Negan’s own. His brows were drawn together slightly, as if Rick’s pain was paining him too.

What a ridiculous thought. He is the source of all Rick’s problems, isn’t he? Why would he be feeling anything but elation at Rick’s pain?

His confusion must not have shown through his sadness, because Negan spoke to him in a soft, reassuring tone, leaning down to him to come face to face with him, brown eyes level with blue.

“Don’t worry, Rick. He’ll be fine.” He reassured, though Rick dared not believe it. Negan’s eyes suddenly became hard, his expression pissed as he looked to Shane, who seemed to be in a trance as he had not moved once during this gentle exchange.

Negan’s previously gentle grip on his face turned rough, almost painful, as he squeezed his jawbone tightly. “On the bright side, you two can have and the fun you want now that your kid’s gone for a bit.”

His words sparked fear in Rick. Nothing could come between Shane and himself now. Carl had always been Shane’s inhibition when it came to those kind of… endeavors. He was a constant presence in the house and a very protective individual, but now that he was gone, they’d be in the same house together, alone, save for Judith, and with no restrictions on what Shane could do, and the likely reaction he would have to this whole ordeal that has just transpired, Rick was very fearful.

What could he do? He wracked his brain for a solution, turning to look at Shane who was still dazedly staring at the ground.

His mind was so muddled at the loss of his son and the prospect of facing Shane’s wrath unbridled, that he didn’t notice Negan retreat into his vehicle and drive off towards the front gate until he was just a speck on the distant road.

His stress only continued to skyrocket as Shane, too, became aware of his surroundings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I don't know when I'll update again. I will try my hardest, rest assured :) please let me know if you liked and if there was any errors/mistakes. also I am happy to answer questions, maybe I should have included a recap because it's been so long since I posted on this story. let me know.
> 
> follow me on tumblr if you please,
> 
> https://smeagolmyneagol.tumblr.com/


	8. Internal Struggles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan's thought processes are less-than-optimal, and as such, he comes to some very wrong conclusions. Carl is unamused by Negan's over-exhuberance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Back. Sorry for the long wait, I tried my best tho :) hopefully this answered some questions you all had after the last chapter. Negan's head is fucked, basically. So he came to the wrong conclusion. But soon, he will be enlightened to the truth of Rick and Shane's relationship. I know that the original story summary said that Negan could already guess what kind of relationship the two had, but I wanted to take a bit of a different turn, so the summary has been changed slightly to reflect my new direction for this fic. 
> 
> I think it will be better this way because there will be more misunderstandings and thus, more hijinks, etc.
> 
> Warnings for profanity, some gendered slurs (I guess?), and general cringe. (I always cringe at my own writing)

As per usual these days, Negan was pissed. He didn’t show it one the outside, walking the grounds of the Sanctuary with that shit-eating-grin as he often did, but clandestinely he was seething inside.

He didn’t talk to the kid yet, he just barked his orders to his men to take him to his own rooms and don’t leave him until Negan arrived. And he did intent to talk to him, that was all. Just talk. He may parade himself around as a big badass but when it came to kids, he had a soft spot. Always did. He was actually looking forward to having a conversation with the boy, he probably had a lot to talk about, and Negan was determined to get that little serial killer in him to come out. He felt a little guilty for basically kidnapping him, but his intention was not to hurt the kid.

It wasn’t the fact that he hit him right in the nose that pissed him off. If anything, it made him even more anticipatory at the chance to talk to him, to sway the boy to see in his direction. The kid was a total badass, and he was looking for a second hand to help specifically at Alexandria. If he could just sway him, perhaps a bribe of some sorts… So no, his anger was not caused at all by Carl. It was more his own reaction and subsequent "resolution" to the issue presented to him.

It was always his own shit that made him angriest.

It was a revelation Negan had during his little one-on-one with Carl just a few hours previous at Alexandria that had him seething so much. He’d taunted the kid about his father, mostly just to annoy that asshat, Shane, before he leaned in even closer to give Carl a promise.

 

“You shouldn’t worry about what Shane does to him. There’s a new boss in town, and, boy, I’m a hell of a lot worse than the previous one.” In the single second of silence that followed after he’d leaned in close and whispered this to Carl, before the boy pounced into action, Negan had a second of revelation.

He knew Shane and Rick were together. That much was obvious by the way Shane reacted on that first night when Negan even mentioned the blue-eyed man. He’d just assumed it was Shane’s own will that had led to their relationship, going by the way he’d seemed so possessive. But after whispering his intentions out to Carl, after voicing what he wanted to do to Rick, he realized that he may actually be the bad guy.

It was so fucking stupid of him, that was the thing. He’d just assumed that no one would want an ugly, short, poorly-spoken creep with a shitty hairline, like Shane. Especially someone as pretty as Rick, who could have anyone he wanted.

But so far, he’d seen nothing from Rick that would indicate that was the case, and when he had crouched down to whisper to Carl, he’d seen out of the corner of his eye, Rick’s eyes flit to Shane’s in panic, and Shane for his part looked a mix of both furious and worried.

Hadn’t that just sealed it? He’d misread the situation. Assuming Rick was just with Shane for his position as leader was obviously false if the look he was giving him was anything to go by. And why would Shane give a shit about Carl, unless he really did care for the boy?

In that split second he realized that he was the big bad wolf, coming to blow down the house that was the two’s relationship. He wasn’t the white knight come to save Rick from a less-than-ideal relationship he was coerced into by the what the world had now turned into. It was clear he was a strong man, he could take care of himself, so why would he feel the need to be with Shane unless there was actually love there?

It hit too close to home, didn’t he have that same relationship with his wives? And now he had just assumed that the two had been in the same type of relationship, going off a mere vibe he’d felt at their first meeting.

 

Fuck, he hated himself. For assuming, for realizing in the first place that Rick would never be his in any way shape or form, not as long as he was involved with that asshole, for making the situation worse and taking the kid.

Negan seethed in the stairwell of his floor, ignoring everyone who came across him. He couldn’t face him, not yet. And yeah, now that he looked at the situation fully, he realized how much of a dick he was being, and how much of a pussy. Strange, how that works.

He had acted too rashly, and now he had to face the little shit currently taking up space in his rooms. He didn’t know any of these people, didn’t care for them in any way. He’d just seen something he liked, tried to get it, and in the process terrorized a man in a way he had no intention of terrorizing.

He wasn’t a rapist. That shit hadn’t ever and would never fly with him.

As he made his way out of the stairwell after a few more good curses mumbled under his breath, his thoughts raced in his head, and he couldn’t help

But in his misplaced intentions to offer Rick the same deal he had with his wives, he’d become delusional in his desire for the man.

It wasn’t just his looks either, though those were something that made Negan’s pants fit a little tighter. Fuck, he was getting uncomfortable now just thinking about it.

He neared the hallway with the door to his rooms, composing himself, putting on that smile he wore so well.

It was that damn martyr-self-sacrificing-pure-as-gold demeanor the guy put out. From the minute he first laid eyes on him, Negan could see it. Rick was only concerned with everyone else. The way he subtly put himself in front of his son, the looks he shot every single member of his little group, his expression a strange blend of both anxiety and strength, hidden partially behind a veil of stoicism. Even his very posture struck Negan as odd.

He stopped outside his door, reflecting on the situation.

Negan could swear that if that asshole hadn’t spoken up, he would have genuinely been on the fence about which one of them was the leader. Rick had seemed so sturdy, he had a natural air of leadership around him, though his outward behavior suggested he was suppressing everything he was.

Leading Negan to the conclusion that he wasn’t a willing participant in whatever that asshole had him caught up in. Men like that, men who weren’t born with… with _the right stuff_ didn’t out-do men like Rick. Men who were born to lead.

He scrubbed a hand through his beard as he opened the door, renewing the smile on his face that had fallen off somewhere along the way during his thoughts.

Carl was on the couch, and shit, he was cute as fuck. Sat between two of his men on either side of the couch, his tiny frame was accentuated by the large piece of furniture, and his stoic expression and crossed arms reminded Negan of his students.

He looked a lot like his father, from what he could see with the eyepatch and long hair. Though Carl seemed a bit more hotheaded than his father, the resemblance and demeanor was clearly hereditary.

“What the hell do you wa-“

“Listen to me, kid. I'm not fucking around here."

He still had that shit-eating grin on, though it hardly seems to have any effect on the kid.

"Why don't you boys get us some supper, I'm damn near starving. Go see what the fuck Manny whipped up." The two men on either side of the couch slinked away, out the door, without hesitation.

"That shit back at your little campsite isn't gonna fly." Now that they were alone, Negan sat opposite the boy, leaning back, gleaning as much comfort rom the recliner as he possibly could.

"So to teach your dumbass step-father a lesson, I'm gonna keep you here. Just long enough for him to realize who the fuck he's dealing with."

"He's not my fucking-! Don't even suggest that he-! Just shut the hell up. You don't know what you're talking about." His single eye had narrowed so much so that Negan doubted he could even see much out of it at all. It was nonthreatening to Negan, but he was sure anyone else who may have the misfortune of seeing such a look leveled at them would be scared shitless.

Negan just chuckled.

"I get it. I hate the bastard too. He seems like the type of person no one could ever get along with more than just shooting the shit with on weekends or some shit." He barely had any interaction with the guy and he already knew he would be driven mad if he had to spend even one second pretending to be on friendly terms with him. Rick must have a real connection with him.

Carl's brows were fully angled downward, shadowing both his patched socket and his eye even more, disdain evident in his hunched posture and shaking fists.

"So. Tell me a little about yourself while we wait for grub." He put his feet on the end table, the picture of total relaxation as he popped off his boots, disregarding them as they fell the short distance to the floor.

"Oh and kid, don't leave anything out. I want to hear your whole fucking life story."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all your lovely comments on the last chapter. I am doing much better now that I've finished my first week at my new college. Your kind words helped me a lot!
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please leave a comment describing what you liked or didn't like and how to improve, questions, general comments, etc. I read them all!


	9. Trust issues and miscommunications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Carl trust Negan? Can Negan get a clue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it again with those chapters that you don't really want to read! Haha, I know you guys want to see what's happening with Rick and Shane, but I'm building up to it. It'll be out soon. I've got a lot of homework and stuff, but I've worked on this chapter everyday this week, so I think I'll do the same for the next chapter.
> 
> Thanks very much for all your lovely comments! I read them all and try to respond too!

"And he ripped out the leader's throat."

"Well holy shit. Your dear daddy sounds badass as fuck."

For the rest of the evening, Carl had become increasingly annoyed with Negan's incessant prodding and badgering at every turn of the conversation. He'd left out the part about his would-be assault, not wanting Negan to get any ideas from it. Carl would try to tell the bare minimum, unwilling to share the story, the hardships, the very private continuum of constant struggle that plagued every single facet of Carl's life, and his family's lives.

But Negan was incorrigible. His enthusiastic response and subsequent questions at every revealed truth struck a cord with Carl, and he found himself relaxing to tell the tale, his gruff manner of speaking smoothening out as the night dragged on and as Negan's eyes only alighted more and more with each passing moment, as though he was genuinely interested at hearing what Carl had to say, and not just asking to show some sort of bizarro display of power.

"Holy fuck kid. Hearing this shit is having some effect on me. I may have to ask you to leave the room if this continues like this," He laughed boisterously at Carl's, or perhaps Rick's, expense.  
Carl rolled his eyes, annoyed and pissed at the same time. So far throughout this conversation, Negan was turning out to be different from what Carl was expecting based on the interaction between the two just a few hours previous.

Which had been just a huge wrench in the gears for Carl.

"If you keep talking like that, I won't hesitate to give it to you again like I did before when you were talking shit about my dad." He tried to come off as threatening, but the way Negan's smile only intensified told him he hadn't succeeded. Though he knew he didn't appear fearful, even though deep down he was on some level (this was the guy who beat Abraham to a pulp and had thought about taking things from his father he had no right to even think about, so yeah, he was a little scared), but God damn if he ever showed it. Growing up during the end of the world meant adapting to survive through extremely dangerous situations, and Carl had done that very well.

His original plan to influence Negan in order to overthrow Shane had begun to look like a far-fetched fantasy. Based on the way Negan openly leered at his father and even outright confirmed his perverse intentions, Carl could see how misguided his hastily-thrown-together plan was. Negan seemed, in fact, even worse of a human being than Shane.

Where Shane had some delusional fucked-up relationship with Rick based on power and submission, there had been some history there, at least. They had been friends before, and now that friendship had twisted to favor Shane above Rick, keeping him locked up with scare tactics and physical threats. And... Something else. Carl hadn't suspected it until he'd seen it earlier that same day: Shane had some perverse aggression pent up towards Rick.

But Negan, it had been proven, felt a sick sexual attraction to Rick as well, it was so clear that it was almost jarring. Carl had seen some preview of it that night in the forest, when Negan kept glancing at Rick. Looking back on it, it made Carl's blood boil. He hadn't realized it then, and in his haste to overthrow Shane he hadn't considered the possibility that Negan could be worse.

So it was a choice between Negan and Shane. Both seemed to have the same hook-ups on Rick, sick as they were, and Carl was caught in between the two. He could either join Negan and free his father from Shane, his original plan, but consequently enslave his father to Negan, a prospect he had no idea the specifics of, or he could continue on the same side he'd been on by default, Shane's, doing everything he can to keep Negan from gaining rule in Alexandria.

He knew how bad Shane could be to his father, with his demanding attitude, inescapable dominance, and now slightly sexual coercion directed at his father, but at least he knew the full extent of Shane's tyranny. Negan, on the other hand, was an unknown force to be reckoned with.

"Why don't you tell me how you lost that eye of yours, I'd love to hear it."

Carl had kept his breathing calm as he regaled Negan with the story of how he was shot in the face, "The walls fell. There were people, wolves, they called themselves. It was their doing..." He could feel his face grow sweat-damp, his eye blinking forcible to keep the salty liquid out. As he continued with the story, his mind was running a mile a minute to try to determine the best course of action. He would not allow his father, nor his sister, nor anyone else to live under the poor-excuse-of-leadership Shane enforced, but to subject his father and everyone else to a system of rule that could arguably be worse was also out of the question.

"...He fired, and I fell." He spoke, his mind split between the memories of his trauma and the ramifications for every course of action he could possible take. He could feel himself slipping, his eye widening at every failed turn of every plan he tried to map out in his head, combined with thoughts of being shot such that he lost half his sight.

Negan, for his part, seemed entranced in the story. He was completely oblivious to any internal suffering Carl was putting himself through.

Until he wasn't.

 

Hearing his initial impression of Rick being a total badass confirmed was doing things to Negan. Things that... He couldn't take care of... With the kid in the room.

Yeah. He had it bad.

He suspected at least some embellishment, especially with that whole ripping-that-guy's-throat-out thing. Everyone added little things to spruce up a story, sometimes unwittingly. But still, even if only half of it was true, neither Negan, nor anyone else could deny that this Rick guy was a force to be reckoned with.

Such information should have made him feel worse, thinking that a guy like that could subject himself to being in an unsavory relationship just to garner some influence in his group. He obviously had a lot of influence, and a lot of strength, so Negan resigned himself to believing that Rick was, in fact, just fine. It should have made him feel worse for himself, but he was too busy with some sick sense of admiration at the image of Rick tearing out some fucker's throat with his bare teeth.

God. Damn.

Every moment the kid spoke of, he could see in his head, a perfect picture of this little group's triumph. It almost made him feel bad for beating the shit out of the red one, but then he remembered that it was necessary to harness that success for the betterment of his own people too, and with time he would eventually force Alexandria's loyalty, resulting in a prosperous future for the community Negan was trying, and had been succeeding, to build.

"...She was nervous, but she worked quickly. Saved me." Carl appeared distraught, caught up in the trauma of losing his eye, no doubt, as he told how a doctor who wasn't really much of a doctor treated him.

"I never got a chance to thank her... The way I wanted to. To really thank her for everything she did, for my life, before she died." The silent 'by your hand' had only a little effect on Negan. People had to die for a better future. In a system of order, people had to die.

People had to die. So others could live. Negan knew too well of this. He tried to banish those thoughts from the forefront of his mind, focusing on the boy's voice as he continued into the night and early morning.

"That night, Jessie... Her and her whole family, died." Carl's breathing was labored, his single eye glazed over. He only seemed half-aware of what he was saying.

"Hey, you okay there, kid? You seem a bit..." He never got to finish, and Carl was not aware enough to realize that Negan had actual sympathy and concern in each inflection of his voice, if he had, he may have had less reserves about fainting in front of who he construed to be tied with Shane for enemy number one.

"Kid!...Kid! Carl!" Negan rushed forward, grabbing the boy by his shoulders before he fell forward straight into the coffee table.

"Damn. Roy!" He yelled towards the door. He sat Carl's upper body back against the couch, his unconscious frame slouching to the curvature of the piece of furniture.

"Roy! Someone! Get Carlson. Fucking Christ."

 

"He's okay. He'll be fine, just let him wake up on his own." Is what Carl heard when he gained awareness of his body. He was laid down on something soft, clean, too, by the scent of it.

"What the hell happened? He looked perfectly fine. Up until he almost fucking face -planted into the table." He heard Negan's gruff reply.

What _did_ happen? He couldn't recall. He was sitting in Negan's expansive rooms, telling him something... His plans? No, he'd only been thinking about those. His eye. He'd been telling him about his eye, hadn't he? Shit. It was a series of events that he believed made him seem weak when spoken aloud, and now Negan had laid witness to that weakness.

"It seems he is very adept at hiding his feelings."

He shot up with a start, not paying attention to Negan's slight jump at his sudden movement.

"Ah! You're okay, son." The doctor, Carlson, addressed him before turning to Negan, "He'll be fine. Just don't start him today, maybe late afternoon tomorrow would be best."

Carl looked confusedly between the two, trying not to show his discomfort and bemusement at the predicament.

"Yeah, sure thing, doc." Negan dismissed the man, though he was staring at Carl the whole time.

After the doctor left, there was several moments of silence, awkward gaps filled only with the noise of both of their breathing.

"Start what? What are you going to do to me?" He tried not to sound apprehensive, but after saying the words he realized he did anyway, and he felt too disadvantaged in his current position, so he sat up, on the edge of the bed, suddenly too tired to make any more effort than that but unwilling to show weakness.

"Jesus, kid. You scared me. And don't fucking say it like that, as if I'm gonna fucking torture you or something. Fuck."

Carl eyed him distrustingly, poised on the side of the bed, ready to stand up should the situation call for it.

Being on the bed with Negan in the room... Was dredging up memories. Not of his own near-experience with sexual assault, but his father's. It had only been a short time since he witnessed what looked like sexual coercion between Shane and Rick. He only hoped it was the first time. And the last.

Negan must have seen him eye the expansive bed between them, because he shifted away uncomfortably. That struck Carl as strange, but he paid no mind to it.

 _He_ wasn't the one Negan wanted to hurt in that way.

"So what are you planning, then, if it's not some 'fucking torture', hm?"

"You're gonna work here. For me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It means a lot that people actually like something I wrote. Please leave a comment with some constructive criticisms, or telling me what you liked or didn't like. Also I love to read your ideas, even if I may not use them all It's still really interesting to read what you would write for this fic.
> 
> Much love,
> 
> -Smeag


	10. An Unkindness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick laments the details of his torture, and Shane has a sick take on the matter. Michonne offers some kind words.
> 
> Warnings for mentioned rape/noncon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey what's up guys? Thanks for being patient with me! I wrote this one today, I was really motivated! Thanks for the nice comments and all the kudos on the last chap!!
> 
> The title of this chapter is based on a song by one of my favorite you tubers, YourMovieSucks. It's called Fragments, but the album is called An Unkindness, it's really a beautiful song. listen to it if you want to get the full effect! Link: https://youtu.be/oBlxSwFM4xk

"I love you."

"You fucking idiot."

"It'll be okay."

"This is all your fucking fault."

"C'mere 'hun."

"Can't do anything right."

"I've got you, Rick."

"I'm in charge here, Rick!"

"It'll be okay."

"I'm so sorry."

"We're gonna be okay."

"Please don't fucking cry, Rick. Please."

Endless litanies of screaming insults, soothing words like snakes, broken apologies, filling Rick's ears with poison every second of every day. Hands in his hair, tugging his head up, so tight his scalp burned.

Shane was angry. Carl's abduction had wounded his pride. He wasn't the same, could never be the same, not to Rick, but for Carl, Shane tried to be as he had been since the very first time Rick introduced them when Carl was born, 15 years ago in a different world.

It seemed as though Shane cared for Carl, or at the very least, that he had enough inhibition to treat him with the respect his best friend's son deserved. He'd lost much of that respect he'd had for Carl though, along with any respect he'd had for Rick, judging by the way the atmosphere tensed as soon as their eyes met in the weeks during their time on the run in search of a new home. Rick hoped Carl hadn't suspected.

It was sick. What Rick allowed Shane to do to him. Rick wasn't stupid. But he'd assessed the situation and determined that placating Shane was a better alternative than standing up to fight. He couldn't win, not against Shane; not with his arm the way it was, his fragmented sense of self-importance would not allow him to be selfish enough to ask that any of his family would risk their lives just for him, though he was positive they would. Glenn, Maggie, Daryl, Carol, Michonne, it would turn into a real blood bath if he let them know what Shane had put him through. Was still putting him through.

He had to hide it. He was either getting out of this alone, or not at all. It was the only way he could keep the others safe, keep Carl and Judith safe.

But it was getting harder. Carl was his rock. He'd become more of an emotional support than anyone he'd ever known. He had always had communication issues, Lori... When they would fight, screams winning out over sanity, vases and books and whatever else that was in arms reach flying in various directions, he'd always distanced himself. It was hard to talk about his internal struggles, his... Feelings. But Carl. He didn't even need to say anything between them.

It was as easy as dealing with his own mind, because Carl was, in so many ways, just like Rick. They'd had some troubles, he was much like Lori too, and Rick found himself pitying his son for having to deal with him, but in these past few months, his son, and his daughter, had been his reason to continue.

But now, after four days and no sign of the Saviors trucks returning with his son, Rick was beside him self with worry. It grew more and more with each day, he could feel his sanity slipping; pushed too far.

Last night, he'd woken up in the middle of the night, sweat soaking his clothes, tears obstructing his vision. He barely had time for reprieve between his rasping gulps of air before Shane, too, awoke.

It had been bad. These four long days combined with stressful nights had seen Rick nearly on the edge of suicide. The only thing that kept him going was his baby girl, and the thought of rescuing his boy. They were the only thing keeping him from shooting himself in the head outside the walls of Alexandria.

It was unbearable. If he didn't he know what being violated felt like before, he sure knew now. Every muscle was burning, and the words that were spit at him from the man on top of him were both a sickeningly blessed distraction and a brutal unkindness.

He hardly ate, barely slept, didn't talk to anyone. But not for lack of trying. Shane kept him by his side at all times, never leaving him a moment with which he might regain some mental grasp and context on the situation. After the rough and usually spontaneous instances where Shane would ruin him, he always made him get Judith afterwards, who on many occasions was left to cry in the other room the whole time, and lay with her on the bed, surrounding the pair with his oppressive frame, an expression on his sweaty face as he gazed at Rick and his daughter, one not unlike contentedness.

It made Rick sick. Even sicker, still, was the fact that he had begun to wish for Shane to be like this, he had even offered himself in hopes the man would revert to this behavior afterwards, because when he was laying like this, sexual desires sated and thirst for his twisted version of love satisfied, he wasn't beating Rick. He wasn't yelling and screaming and throwing shit and hitting him. _Blaming him_ , for the almost-certain death of _his_ son. He wasn't scaring his daughter, he wasn't calling attention to their house like he often did with his deafening shouts and roars, ensuring the others wouldn't hear and come running.

Everything hurt, every thrust, every hit, every whispered insult followed by an apology and a terrible terrible "I love you."

It really fucking hurt.

 

Everything is okay. Just some minor issues. But everything is okay. Deflect the other's comments. Divert their attention. Don't let them into the house, it'll only upset Rick.

He'd been inconsolable. Every night, Shane would comfort him. It was an enjoyable experience, but it always ended, and most of the time began, with Rick crying.

"Shh, it's okay." He tried to whisper sweet nothings into his ear during these times, his hand combing gently through Rick's salt-and-pepper curls, so beautiful, but often he found himself getting so angry at the man for the simple act of crying about his son.

As if he was the only one affected. Carl was strong, and he would have made a fine soldier. Shane always wanted a son, someone to pass his ways to, and he had found that in Carl. But that fucking asshole. He had the upper hand, for now, but not for long.

Rick cried so much in the past three days, especially when Shane would comfort him, and it had a profound effect on him that he wasn't able get him to just _fucking stop_. It pissed him off, that Rick was so effected by Negan enough to cry for days on end about something Shane was in the process of fixing. It pissed him off so much, that his words meant to comfort often turned scalding and hurtful, his hands may have gotten a little too firm, but he'd only been trying to get the man to stop. If hurting him a little was the only way to get him to stop, the so be it. _He just needed it to stop._ He couldn't stand to see those blue eyes clouded over, that pathetic voice rasp out pleas and cries for the pain of losing his son to stop.

"Stop. Please!" He would gasp, exhausted by their coupling, breath racked with sobs and so much pain.

"I've got you, Rick." Every night. Every morning. For four days straight. He knew he needed to go on a run, so that they would have an offering for when the Saviors returned, so that he could buy himself another week, so that he could work on his plan for a permanent solution, so that he could figure out a way to kill that fucking asshole Negan, but for right now, he needed this. They both needed this.

He took to gathering up his family on one bed, holding them close, resigning himself to leaving in the morning, figuring he could drive up somewhere close to get some quick scores for now.

He just had to make sure Rick would be okay without him. Had to make sure he wouldn't be taken away from him too.

 

It'd given him some clarity. The air was permeated with a stench, as it always was nowadays, but being alone let him think about what to do rationally. It must be love, because when he was around Rick, he would always seem to lose his head. Now though, he could plan on how exactly he would exact his revenge.

 

"Are you okay, Rick?" Michonne's tone was urgent, and she shuffled past him, inside, taking in the extensive mess in his home. "We'll get him back. I'm not too bad of a long distance shot, we just have to find the place and when he comes out, it'll be very easy. We'll go in and get Carl back, Rick."

"Michonne." Rick had only stared at her, his fatigue suddenly unbearable.

"Once he's back, we can, I don't know, we can fight them. Anyway we can. But we will get him back."

"We will." Rick wasn't hopeful, he'd had the hope beaten out of him, and based on Michonne's expression, she could see as much.

"Rick. I know you're the one who's supposed to make the decisions. Glenn told me you're much more cut out for it."

When Rick opened his mouth to protest, Michonne held up her hand, stopping him.

"You are. And when we get this finished, we're going to vote." She looked strong, her jaw set, her dark skin glowing with confidence, and it almost made Rick feel.

"I can't-"

"When we finish this, Rick. When we get Carl back. You're going to help us overthrow Shane."

Her confidence, her reassurance, something about it made Rick feel even worse. Like he'd failed her, failed everyone. He'd never be able to help them escape Shane. He couldn't. He could never lead anyone anymore. And now, he had almost no hope left that Carl was alive.

"I ca-can't... I can't, Michonne." He turned from her, hiding his face, his eyes glazed with tears. He couldn't share it with her. Couldn't share it with anyone. Her beautiful heart was always showing him kindness, but he could never find the emotional availability within himself to accept it with open arms like it deserved to be. She was too good a friend for him.

"You can. We can. We all can." She came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his middle. He gasped, it hurt. He had bruises there, and feeling another person touching him felt too much like Shane.

"I promise, Rick. I've been meaning to come see you and tell you, but Shane wouldn't let me in."

"I'm-I'm sorry. H-He needed... Some time to accept."

"We'll get him back, Rick."

 

  
"Shit. Get out." There was so many of them here, it was becoming an actual threat. He should've taken a partner, at least, but he didn't want the company of anyone else right now, anyone but Rick, and he sure as hell wouldn't put Rick in danger like this just to get supplies for those assholes.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Jesus Christ." Currently, he was trying to finagle a few dead ones out of a gas station attendant room from the roof of said building.

It had been two days on the road, and it was already night now. For his troubles, he had managed to scavenge a trunk-full of his minivan, but there was still a lot of room left in the vehicle for supplies that he had hoped he would have gotten by now.

He wanted to fill it up, but he could feel a twinge of sickness every time he thought about being out for another day. What if the Saviors showed up and he wasn't there? What if they took Rick and Judith? He would start driving tonight, and by tomorrow hopefully he would make it home.

It wasn't just his emotions that were getting the best of him. He found himself needing to be with Rick for _other_ reasons too. These past two days were hard on him, after being with Rick constantly for nearly four days. It made his blood boil, though he tried not to think about it, about what Rick might be getting up to without him. Thinking of him doing anything outside of his scope of vision was, for some reason, really irking and downright maddening to Shane. He couldn't put his finger on why.

He didn't usually pay much attention to his weird desires and internal quirks, no one had time, in this day and age, to analyze one's own psyche and all that psychological bullshit, but sometime she couldn't help but lament on why he had such strong emotions on some things.

He felt this way about Lori, before she... And now, with Rick, he feels that same possessiveness well up inside of him. He loved Lori, and he felt as though she loved him too. She didn't see an issue with how he treated her, he figured it was normal. He had never felt the same as he did with Lori. In love.

Until this thing with Rick started.

It was time to get back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know if you liked or didn't like, and if there are any errors. I will try to post soon!
> 
> Here's is a link to Fragments (song): https://youtu.be/oBlxSwFM4xk  
> -smeag


	11. A full-blown fucking bromance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan takes a liking to Carl, and Carl, strangely, reciprocates. But the fact remains: he needs to get back home. Who knows what Shane has been up to in his absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Another Chapter! This one clocks in at just over 3k words, which I'm super happy bout. I wrote almost all of it today, so there might be some issues. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also, there are some Original characters in this chapter, just because I don't know any regular-type people who live in the sanctuary so I had to make them up. They're not main characters at all and only serve to further the main characters plot lines.

"What the hell kind operation do you think I'm running here, kid?" Negan's pseudo-angry outburst had little effect on the stoic-faced boy across from him.

He was on his way to see what the kid was up to, he'd been down in the cellar organizing bottles like Negan told him to the hour before. Well, he wasn't actually organizing the bottles. Just scrutinizing them, by the way he was glaring at them. What the fuck.

"Don't just stare at it. I thought I told you to sort this shit." He'd done mostly every other menial task without complaint, even going above and beyond what he was asked, in some respects. As of a few days ago, in fact, he had been tasked with much more important work, but Negan had an issue that required... Extensive care and precautions, so he had no time to show Carl the ropes of what he had planned, which was, as it happened to be, overseeing the hauls from the hilltop.

But no, someone just had to start shit with Steve in the trading hall, and an all-out brawl ensued between some no-name asshole that had no doubt snuck in without going through customs first. For starting fights, Negan had to punish him. So he burned him then threw him out on the street. He wasn't too worried about the guy finding friends and coming back. Not many people would be willing to trust a guy with "Trouble" burned into his forehead.

He was ruthless, he knew. Had to be, to be leading all these people. Someday, things would be better for his people because of this.

"Is this what you steal from people, then use this whole room to store?" The boy gestured around the room with both hands, which made Negan wince because, presently, both his hands were clutching two bottles each, tightly.

"Don't fucking drop th-"

"For what? Just this alcohol? It shouldn't even be here. You should be saving space and prioritizing food and water and sustainable-" He was ranting, going off on lecturing tangents, Negan had gotten used to them these days, and learned that the kid sometimes had great points. But there was a reason Negan was in charge.

"Okay, okay. Listen kid," Negan stepped forward to take the bottles, and he was immediately glad he did. This was the good shit from the Hilltop. "It's not like we put people in danger just to get this shit. They just so happen to have it, and we take it."

Carl, hands now empty, crossed his arms and glared up at Negan through his shroud of hair. The only light in the room was the single light bulb that hanged precariously from the ceiling, illuminating Carl's face in such a way that would have been frightening to anyone who hadn't just spent the entire week with the kid, providing tutelage and a constant source of impeccable conversation as Negan had done. After spending that kind of time with him, the only way Negan was able to see the kid was under a lens of fondness.

Over the past few days, he got to know the kid. And if he thought he liked him before, well, shit, he just might have to adopt the little shit and make it official, because goddamn, he was really feeling this. It felt like his old coach days, and fuck if that didn't hit him hard in the heart. Surely that Shane asshole didn't have this good a relationship with the kid as he managed to make in a few short days. He seemed like the type to just control and never really guide or listen. Negan found wisdom in much of what Carl said, but then again, the kid was very wise at times. Seriously, this might be a good way to sway Rick away from him, not that he saw Carl as a bargain ship to get to Rick, but the thought of having a son like Carl didn't deter him from Rick in any way. Quite the opposite.

Carl was smart, resourceful, and caring, though he tried to be as surreptitious about that last part as possible.

"What are you doing?" He had caught him one morning, in the back of the kitchen with Julio, or as Negan liked to call him, Little Gordito, sneaking chunks of Apple-bread right out from under the cook- Manny-'s nose, who was busy making breakfast for the morning.

"He told me he was hungry but couldn't get food. What the hell, Negan?" He looked pissed, and rightfully, if that situation had actually been the case. But it hadn't.

"He can't have breakfast because he used his points late last night to eat the last half-dozen rolls in the pantry." He had caught Little Gordito snuffling around the kitchen, the kid wasn't exactly stealthy, with his chubby torso and uncoordinated limbs.

"Gordito, did you sniff out my boy here just to see if he was unawares enough to sneak you food? I told you that you could either gorge your fatass on those rolls or you could have breakfast tomorrow, and what did you choose?"

"But Mr. Negan-" The chubby 10-year-old was relatively unaffected by Negan's harsh words, focused only on obtaining his much-desired treat.

"Come back for lunch in two hours. I know you wouldn't be hungry unless you wanted sweets. Your ma just bought eight apples all for you and her yesterday, so go eat those."

"But I don't like them-" He had begun to whine, and Negan didn't want to be an asshole to the kid; he was relatively innocent, free from the horrors of the outside world, but the kid was fat as it is, and no amount of placating him was going to help him in the long run.

"Jesus, kid, just go-"

"Negan." Carl, silent through this exchange up until now, had cut him off, and Jesus fuck, that kid knew how to emit a commanding voice. "Just take it from my points, or whatever." He cut a small piece from the pan, and gave it to the boy, who skipped away happily upon receiving the treat.

"Little shit. What do you say?" He had whispered the first part under his breath, but the second part managed to travel the short distance through the hall which Julio was skipping down.

"Thank you, Mr. Grimes!" He yelled back, his high-pitched voice garbled by the food he was stuffing down his throat.

"You really should've let him starve for a few hours. It would be a good lesson. And plus, I don't think he was actually hungry, he just likes sugar."

Carl only smiled, not looking at Negan, eye still on the chubby little figure now further away.

"Who knew you were such a softy, under that fucking glare and that eyepatch."

"Would you shut up? He reminded me of someone, that's all." He cleared his throat and crossed his arms, seemingly unwilling to acknowledge his sudden display of kindness, embarrassed and shy about it.

"Well, c'mon, 'Mr. Grimes'," Negan mocked, nudging him on the shoulder, "We've got a lot of work today."

Carl slinked off down the hall, Negan moving to follow, but he stopped to greet Manny and ask about his meal plan for the day.

"Asparagus. And Potatoes. Probably some of that pork from The Kingdom, but not many people like that. Which is weird. You know? I think it tastes just fine. Just gotta add some salt."

Manny wasn't the most interesting person, but he was a fine cook. Negan let him rant on while he kept his eye on the hallway Carl had just walked down, not really paying attention to what the man was saying.

"He seems like a good kid." Negan was pulled from his reverie, unaware that Manny had caught him staring and not listening to his previous words.

"Hmm? How would you know?" The kid had barely been here and he was already on Manny's good side?

"He was in here. Few days ago. He was talking all sorts about ideas on how to waste less food when preparing meals, and he was sorting the pantry too. Something about the onions not being next to the apples or something. Talking about how to use canned cream of celery in food, and how to sweeten things with beets or something." Manny was smiling, a rare sight, and he chuckled a bit as he walked off, towards the stove.

It seemed Carl had managed to impress even the cook, who was hard to impress. Negan knew.  
  
When you spend nearly every hours of every day with a guy for several days in a row, you learn things about him. And learn about Carl, Negan did.

At first, he remained aloof, but eventually, the kid opened up to him too. These days were filled with constant back-and-forth banter and rationalizing from the kid, which was sometimes annoying, but not entirely without appreciation from Negan.

Hence, the situation now.

"We DO prioritize food. And frankly, I'm insulted that you would suggest that I'm a man of low moral caliber to the extent that I would _starve my people just so I could fuck off and get drunk_. Jesus." He leaned back against the stair bannister, the picture of ease, a smile on his face as he engaged in the banter. The two of them were getting quite good at it.

"Oh, sure. I can just picture that. 'No thanks, Gregory. I can only take food, get that fucking whiskey away from me.' Please." There were many times that Negan was proud of, times in which he got Carl to relax and be a real teenager with real teenage speech and attitude, instead of the seemingly-full-grown-man with a million burdens type thing he had going on when they met.

"The exchange definitely wouldn't go over that way; I would never say please to that simpering fuck. Plus, I told you, after the first time of meeting the guy I had to send someone else to collect. He was just too fucking annoying to deal with every week." He was getting a headache now just thinking about him.

"Yeah, you said."

"Hmm." Negan trailed off, his mind somewhere else. He'd been thinking a lot in these past few days, about the possibility of making Carl his right hand. He was exactly the kind of person fit for the job, and their personalities fit so well together, as if they were supposed to grow this odd friendship that had sprung between them into a full-blown fucking bromance or something... He knew it may have been too soon, but with how well he took to everything Negan had him do, he can't think of any reason not to just go for it. Perhaps in a week or two, or...

He just had to keep him here. Not only was he enjoying the probability of Shane suffering, probably worried sick about his adopted son or whatever, but he needed Carl to stay.

He did feel bad about keeping him from Rick, though. He felt downright awful about that. But if this worked, Rick's son would be in a very important position, he'd have a place of power, with which he could provide a lot of things for his family he wouldn't be able to had he not been exactly the kind of man Negan needed for the job. Once he introduced him to the idea, and Carl inevitably accepted the position, he could go back and forth between Alexandria and the Sanctuary as much as he wanted. This was best for Rick in the long run. He just had to keep him here for a little longer. Maybe if he...

"...Hey, Negan." He sounded apprehensive. Looking up, he couldn't see the kid's face, his long hair shadowing it entirely again.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Can I visit my dad...Please?"

 

Carl had to admit, Negan wasn't quite what he expected. He witnessed the man's brutality, and during his stay at the sanctuary, he heard all about it as well. Within the first few days of his stay, he had met people who told story after story of their fearless leader.

In a way, it almost reminded him of his father. He didn't want to admit it; Rick always had a reason, a careful consideration for every consequence of every action or path he chose, and Negan, it seemed, had the opposite idea. But the way he was described, it was nearly the exact way Carl described his own father the first night of his stay. The more he heard, the more parallels he couldn't help but draw between Negan and Rick. It didn't make him think less of his father, but it made him think more of Negan, which, honestly, might be worse.

He had met one of Negan's wives, and she seemed, not ecstatically thrilled with the situation, but content at the very least. She certainly didn't look like she was forced into sex every night with a brutal monster who took from her whenever he wanted with no regard for her.

And she told him as much, practically.

"He's not so bad. When you get to know him, he's actually kinda charming, in an eccentric sort of way. I know what it looks like, but I'm actually not upset with my predicament." She smiled at him, sitting next to him on the bench of the balcony he had been resting at, still dizzy from when he passed out. Her silky brown hair blew over her shoulders in the calm wind.

"Believe it or not, I have a lot of respect for him. He's trying to build something, something good. He has certain needs, and I, and his other wives, fulfill that need. We aren't degraded or treated poorly. And in exchange, we get a comfortable spot in the place he's building." The more she spoke, the more Carl had fought with himself internally.

"It's not something I would have thought I'd do, before the end of the world, but some things are just the way they are now. It's a different world, and I'm okay with that. I could get out of it if I wanted, but I don't." Her white teeth glimmered, even in the overcast light of the mid-afternoon. Carl had a lot to think about.

So Negan perhaps wasn't a monster, or at least, not all of his was. But he couldn't get the words out of his head. The degrading shit Negan had whispered to him after his fight with Shane for the same thing Negan wanted from his father.

He was still debating it, several days later in the cellar, his mind could think of nothing but that. Negan didn't seem like a bad guy according to Sherry, but didn't words from the man himself have more weight than those of one of his wives? Although, Negan said tons of shit he didn't mean, if the past few days were a good indicator. And over these few days, Carl had, regrettably, gotten to know the man. He genuinely seemed like an okay-sort-of-character.

He kept his people fed, he kept them safe, he punished brutally, but fairly, he was overall not a bad person, from what Carl had seen.

Yes, he had beaten Abraham to a pulp, but, in retrospect, maybe they shouldn't have killed that whole base in their sleep. Carl suspected it was Shane's decision, or that maybe Rick hadn't been in the right mindset; it didn't seem like him at all to act that animalistic, it had to be the result of him being driven to absolute desperation to agree to that. And Carl had a rising suspicion that Shane was the driving force behind it.

It could have been much worse, Negan could have just killed them all, but he didn't. He left them all alive, and established a route of commerce. An unfair one, given that they were basically being stolen from, but recently, he'd heard talk of opening trade between the communities, encouraging a more capitalistic system. Carl didn't make it past the fifth grade, but he knew that the plan he had heard circling around groups in the cafeteria was a much more fair system than the one that Negan employed now.

His mind was an endless circle of trying to rationalize one choice or another. Help Negan, or hinder him? Trust him, or not?

It had been such an annoyance to his mind, and the fact that he went from performing tasks he considered important to sorting bottles wasn't helping with his overall annoyance levels, so when Negan managed to make his way down, the first thing he said to him wasn't really what was on his mind, but it did help expel his annoyance.

He joked around with Negan often. It was actually enjoyable; they seemed to have a similar sense of wit and humor, which was weird considering the huge difference in age and personality. It was... He almost... Felt like they were old friends, or something.

He didn't want to, but he was starting to side with Negan. Did he not seem like a better person than Shane, flaws included? Maybe he had been here too long. His father was probably worried about him. And who knows what Shane could have gotten up to in the time he's been gone? He probably forced Rick out on runs, or who knows what else. His father wasn't well, he could barely use on of his arms, not to mention Shane's sexual coercion the last time he'd seen him. While he was doubtful that Shane wold ever act on it, he needed to get back. But could he trust Negan with going back? What if he came with? What if Rick and Shane weren't ready for the potential of Negan stopping in, and he managed to find out about Judith? What then?

He had to at least ask, just to see if he was ever allowed to go back. He was still unsure the nature of his presence here.

"...Hey, Negan." He tried not to sound fearful, but based on his tone he knew he did.

"Yeah, kid?" The way Negan said 'kid, threw him off. He said it fondly, it was distracting, but Carl didn't have time to analyze it.

"Can I visit my dad...Please?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for over 7k hits on this fic! I can't believe this has been clicked on seven thousand times! I wonder how many people have read it? So neat to think about.
> 
> Thanks for kudosing, don't forget to kudos if you haven't, and leave a comment telling what you liked/didn't like/ideas/theories, etc.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> -smeag


	12. Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan visits Rick. Rick has been having a rough time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dead inside. It's literally 20 after midnight. I can't stop writing. This took my like three hours. I've never written so fast before. But yeah it's late so they're bight be errors
> 
> Ps. Anyone who has read my other fanfic called A Plot Of Dirt For My Sweet may see some similarities. That's because that fic was goddamn a fine piece of work and he'll yes I'm not ashamed to copy my own self. Okay that's all. Gnjght.

"Would you GET THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD!" Negan was driving to Alexandria. Contrary to what someone who may have witnessed his disgruntled shouting out the window may have believed about him, he wasn't angry. He just had road rage, always had. The dead who seemed to have nothing better to do other than wondering across the roads like... Fuckin zombies, or something, only increased his vehicular frustration.

"Don't you have some poor fuck's camp to overrun somewhere?!" He was only doing this for Carl. The kid seemed worried about his dad. He didn't say it outright, but Negan is damn good at reading people. He prided himself on his ability to know what someone's thinking, their fear, internal thoughts, all that jazz.

So he read between the lines, and deduced that Carl was probably worried about his dad because he knew his dad was no doubt beside himself with worry for him. It was a complete circle of worry, and damn that was just cute as shit, considering it was between Carl and Rick.

  
"I... Need to see him. There are... Some important things we need to discuss. It-it's not about you, or the sanctuary, I won't say anything, I promise. You can even blindfold me on the way back," The boy tilted his face toward the light, and Negan could see that he had been worried about this, seriously worried, if his crystalline blue eye shadowed by his thick black brows was anything to go by, "Or you could just let me out and I could walk back by myself. It would only take me a few hours walk, then I promise, if you want, I'll come back."

That last part stood out to Negan. He would come back? Would he? Or is he just saying that to persuade Negan to let him leave in the first place? Honestly, Negan wouldn't blame him if he truly didn't want to come back, what with the brutality the kid had witness from him, but he thought the kid was getting on really well here, and he didn't necessarily seem to care about Negan's harsh language, his blatant rudeness, or his propensity for violence.

But the truth was, he couldn't allow Carl to go back just yet. Doing so would be bad for his position, it would mean that Carl would go back to his father, he would forget about the good work he and Negan had accomplished throughout these days, and Negan would become the villain again. And on the off chance he went home and magically decided he wanted to come back and work with Negan, well... That would never happen. He didn't have any real reason to want to come back. Not yet.

But soon.

Keeping him here against his will was counter productive, so he had to find a way to make sure he didn't leave anytime soon, not until he was really engaged in the job, loyal and ready to accept the position. Plus, the way he spoke... Maybe he better check things out, alone. Just to put himself at ease. He'd been meaning to stop in, tell Rick that his son would be staying for an indeterminate amount of time, but that he'd be back soon.

He kind of wanted to see Rick's face when he told him the good news. Everyday spent around Carl, his single blue eye so much like Rick's pair, it kept his mind on the man, so much so it was becoming distracting. He didn't want to think of him in that way; he wasn't going to take Rick from Shane against Rick's will. But goddamn if he didn't try to win Rick away willingly.

"You can leave any time you want, Carl. But, there are some things I need to do today, and for now, I need a man in charge." Best course of action, he decided, was to test Carl's leadership abilities, while he went for a quick road trip to the walled compound to see the man of his daydreams. It was only an hour away, so he'd be gone maybe three hours tops, perfect for a test-run for Carl.

"You stay here, keep an eye on things, there's an offering coming in from the Kingdom later, and some of my guys are gonna work on reinforcing the fence on the south face. I need you to oversee all of that. Just do what I do, kid." His previously-shadowed face angled upwards, he looked unsure and disgruntled.

"But-"

"And next week, on pickup day, you and I will go into town, okay? You can see your dad then. Just-just stay here, for now. Okay, son? You're doing real good work here. People, they need you. You have a responsibility now, here."

"...yeah. Sure. Fine. But I'm definitely going back next week. You can find someone to handle this by that time, right?"

"Well, about that... I was thinking..." He was going to tell him, but the look on the kid's face told him it wasn't the right time. "Nothing." He smiled, "Yeah. It'll be fine. Anyways, I gotta go. I've got an... Errand. You know what to do here, Dwight will help if you need."

Carl only sighed, not looking Negan in the eye.

"See ya, kid."

  
So here he was, screaming at walkers for doing what they do best: walking. But did they have to do that in the middle of the road? Jesus.

"Is there any fuckin'... Food in here." He searched the glove compartment with one hand, pulling out a stale-ass granola bar. After being in the car for nearly an hour, he was hungry. Should have grabbed lunch beforehand, but he'd been in a hurry. He was very anticipatory to see Rick as the drive progressed.

He made it to the stretch of road, close enough so that he could see the wall of Alexandria Safe-Zone in the distance, and thank fuck there weren't any police in this broken society anymore, otherwise he definitely would have been ticketed for speeding, as he realized it had only taken him 45 minutes to get to this point.

If there was one thing he didn't miss from the world before (there was a lot of things, but this one especially), it was cops. He'd had some bad experiences with them, previous to the end of the world. He was glad he didn't have to obey speed limits now, though. One upside to the world going to shit. He wondered if there were any left, or were they all just a bunch of pussies with badges? He'd be willing to bet that not one of them could survive in the world he thrived in.

He approached the gate, stopping just outside of it, lowering his window to wave at whoever was keeping watch up top, which happened to be that fat mullet haired guy he'd seen a few times here before.

"I'm just here for a visit, no need to piss your panties." He said at the scared-shitless look the guy had upon seeing him. He disappeared behind the gate, only for him to reappear on the ground, opening it enough for Negan to drive the van inside.

"Thanks, Mullet." He waved him off, driving towards the center of the small town, near the garage where he had remembered finding Rick, Shane, and Carl fighting last week.

He parked the car in the middle of the empty street, "Stay here, hon." He left Lucille in the drivers seat. Exiting with a little pep in his step, he looked around for any clues as to which house could be Rick's. He could have asked mullet... But he didn't want to walk back the distance nor deal with that guy anymore than he had to.

He was about to just give up and knock on the nearest door, the one with the redwood and isinglass screen closest to him, but he heard a door opening on the street behind him, and he turned to see a pretty black woman leaving the large house on the opposite side of where he was headed. She stopped dead in her path on the walkway through the yard upon seeing him, and her eyes narrowed fractionally.

"Rick in there? I'm just here for a visit." He tried to sound reassuring, or at least not threatening, but she still looked apprehensive.

"He... He's in there. But you've got to be stupid to think I'd just let you in there." She squared off, crossing her arms. She didn't appear to have any weapons, but neither did Negan. He didn't come here to fight.

"I don't have any weapons. I'm just here to tell him that Carl is fine. He's been helping out. He wanted to come but he's busy." She openly glared at the mention of the boy's name. "He'll be here next week for pickup."

"He better be."

"Look, I really need to talk to Rick about his son. That's all." Negan advanced upon her slowly, casually.

"...fine." She looked extremely reluctant, but she moved to the side of the path to let him pass. "If, by next week, Carl hasn't been back, I'll kill you myself. Same if you try anything today. Got it?"

Jesus, she was as scary as she was attractive.

"He'll be back. If he's not, you can kill me, and I'll let you. That's how sure I am that he'll be back. And I only came here to talk." He stopped right in front of her. "You want to pat me down?" He smirked. "For weapons, of course?"

Her icy expression didn't change. "Guess not." He answered himself. After a minute of enduring the tense silence, Negan walked past her, walking up the porch steps backwards, hazel eyes still transfixed to her brown ones.

"Don't try anything." She said before leaving, looking back at him occasionally as she walked down the street.

"Nice to see you too, beautiful." Damn. What a woman. Not usually his type, but hell if he didn't love them demanding and dominant. Not why he was here though.

He stepped up to the front door, and wasn't surprised to find it unlocked. Michonne had just left, and in a little town like this, they probably didn't lock many doors to begin with.

"Hello? Rick." He stepped inside, and was unperturbed by the mess, dishes, both washed and dirty, laying out on the countertops, clothes in baskets throughout the living room, and, oddly, baby toys. Baby toys everywhere. Strange. Was there another family living here too?

"Rick." He didn't feel unease that he was entering someone else's house, but he did at the fact that Rick was nowhere to be found. Thankfully, neither was Shane. He didn't think he could take seeing that asshole today.

He made his way up the stairs. Rick had to be here, obviously. Michonne was just here, talking to him, probably, so where was he? Had he seen Negan coming? Could he have run out the back?

He didn't hear anything coming from upstairs, but once he was fully on the second floor, he saw one light coming from the far end of the hallway. He could hear faint shushing noises, as if someone was trying to silence something.

He slowly crept further and further down the hallway, towards the room at the end of the hall, where light was streaming out of the small opening in the door.

He opened the door a little more, just enough to sneak in, and when he rounded the corner, he saw a sight that made his whole trip worth it. Hell, it made his whole week worth it.

There was Rick, curled up on the windowsill bench, clutching to his chest a tiny little girl. The sunlight streaming in from the window behind him overpowered the lamp in the corner, giving him a halo-like effect that bounced off his delicate curls, and his mouth was buried in the curls of the little girl, whispering comforting things and little hushes into her sleeping head. Her tiny fists were clenched into his plaid, worn-out button up shirt as his eyelids flickered open and shut, seemingly on the verge of falling asleep. It was one of the most pleasant scenes Negan had ever laid eyes on, and it made his chest ache.

"Rick." He swore he couldn't have said it louder than a whisper, but Rick jumped up violently anyway, his whole body going stiff as his spine went ram-rod straight, head shooting up to look at him. His eyes met Negan's, and, oh, those eyes. He seemed relieved at first, when he recognized it was him, which was... Odd, to say the least, but then he began to look more frightened as he realized what Negan had just witnessed, or, to be more exact, who he had just witnessed.

The girl, through all of the jostling, woke up somewhat and began to fidget and whimper. Rick stood up, his eyes never leaving Negan, as he rocked her back and forth for a few minutes before setting her gently into the crib adjacent to the door.

After setting her in the crib, her peaceful little form still and calm, he turned to face Negan, eyes looking everywhere but at his. He could see a sheen of sweat forming on the man's brow, and his breaths came hitched and raspy.

Negan gestured gently, to leave the room. He intended to talk, but Rick, apparently, thought he was going to be punished, if the terrified flinch was anything to go by as he put his hand on the small of Rick's back to lead him out.

"Let's talk downstairs." Negan whispered as he shut the door to the girl's room quietly. Rick's only response was a sharp inhale.

They sat across from each other on the couch, Negan making himself at home, and Rick doing so hesitantly. Always so meek, this man.

"Carl's okay. He's going to be coming back next week for pickup." He reassured Rick that Carl would, in fact, be coming back. He smiled genuinely, anticipating Rick's reaction.

"W-what?" He didn't seem elated, instead me his eyes filled with tears. "C-Carl's... Alive?"

Oh shit.

"Of course!" He practically yelled. Had Rick really been spending these past few days living with the thought that his son was dead? Shit. Negan didn't think he'd've come to that conclusion, although he sees how it may have been possible for Rick to do so.

Rick flinched at his loud reply, the tears falling onto his cheeks.

"I-I- c-can I-I-"

"You can't see him yet. But soon. I promise, Rick." He planned to make good on that promise.

Rick gasped sharply, then began to sob whole heartedly, clearly trying to hold back but being unable to.

"Rick, it's, Jesus, it's gonna be okay. Didn't I say he would be okay when I took him?" Seeing the man cry like this, he couldn't take it. He wanted to wrap him up in blankets and bring him hot cocoa and keep him safe and warm and happy, not crying. But he didn't do any of that. It would probably just upset him more, being touched in a semi-intimate way by a man who wasn't his lover. He probably had Shane do all that for him, Negan thought bitterly.

He supposed his intense hatred of Shane stemmed from jealousy, really. But how could he not be jealous of the man who got to kiss those lips, see this man smile, compliment him everyday, all that good shit? He didn't deserve Rick, even if he did all that stuff times a thousand.

But he couldn't resist at least attempting to comfort him in an entirely appropriate way without the intention of garnering anything perverse from the act. He shifted closer to Rick, reaching out to hug him close around his shoulders, but before he could entwine the man, Rick jumped up and away, cringing and still sobbing.

He seemed to forget where he was, because he began apologizing obsequiously, words jumbled and interrupted by hiccuping breaths.

"S-s-sorry, I-I'm sorry, I didn't m-mean t-t-to, Sh-"

"Hey, it's okay, Rick, I won't touch you if you don't want to be touched."

"Negan?"

Did he just forget who he was talking to? What happened here?

"...Yes?"

He seemed to relax at that, though he still sobbed quietly. "I'm sorry, I was c-confused about something."

"I'm, uh, I'm real sorry about this. I thought I made it clear that I wasn't going to hurt him, I'm... Sorry, Rick."

Rick didn't say anything, he just curled in on himself, sobs stopped now, but breathing still irregular.

Negan didn't want to try to comfort him again, afraid of the extreme reaction occurring again, so he just waited patiently next to Rick on the couch as Rick's breathing evened out.

After several moments of silence, Negan gave up on trying to fix the situation, figuring he would just make it worse. He said what he came to say, and the best thing for him to do was probably leave Rick alone, let him adjust to the information and hope that he hadn't damaged him.

"Rick, I'm coming back next week for the pickup. I promise, I'll bring your boy. I promise."

He slowly left Rick's side, noticing now that his eyes were flickering open and shut much like they had upstairs, only this time with tears still leaking out of them, creating streaks across the man's pale cheeks.

He crept outside quietly, and made his way over to his van, stopping several times to look behind him through the door where Rick was now slumped forward on the couch, no doubt exhausted after learning that his son was, in fact, alive.

Lucille was sitting on the passengers seat, and he gazed at her dazedly as he tried to process what just happened in there. Negan started the van and made his way towards the front gate.

He realized, halfway to the sanctuary, that he hadn't had a chance to talk about the baby girl that Rick was apparently keeping secret from him. But really, what did it matter? He couldn't blame the guy; Rick didn't know that he wasn't capable of hurting a kid, especially not an adorable baby girl. It was only natural for him to try to hide his daughter from Negan. It did disturb him that Rick believed he would do anything remotely hurtful to his kids.

He'd have to set him straight at some point. But for right now, Rick just needed to heal.

 

He was nearly asleep. Judith woke up sometime while Michonne was talking to him, and he had to get her back to sleep soon so she would get enough before Shane got home from his run he'd been on.

She hadn't been getting much sleep, and neither had Rick. With the constant assault to both his body and mind from Shane, he was exhausted physically and mentally, not to mention he was also badly bruised under his clothes from Shane's rough treatment.

This morning was the first time he'd gotten an optimal amount of sleep in what felt like forever.

He curled up with Judith, burying his nose into her soft hair, lulling her and himself to sleep with quiet shushes and sweet whispers.

Then someone said his name. His eyes flew open, sure that Shane was home and ready for another round of abuse and pain.

But it wasn't Shane, it was Negan. The relief only lasted for a second though, because he realized that now Negan knew about Judith. He could feel himself start to hyperventilate, terrified of what Negan would do with the knowledge. He put his baby girl down, trying to relish in the fact that she was serine.

"Let's talk downstairs."

Negan tried to usher him out, but when he touched his back, Rick flinched. There were bruises there, really bad ones. It wasn't that Negan's gentle touch had hurt him, but Rick couldn't separate Shane's painful touches from anyone else's, no matter how harmless their intentions.

Rick expected to be beaten like Abraham for lying by omission about his daughter, and he would have gladly taken it if it meant Judith would be unharmed and remain with him, and every step down the stairs and towards the couch was filled with agonizing anxiety as he waited for the first blow. If it meant he could keep his daughter, he'd do anything. He lost his son, he couldn't lose Judith. He just couldn't.

But the next thing he knew, Negan was telling him that Carl was alive. He started sobbing uncontrollably. All his pent up anxiety and fear for Carl that had welled up inside him for days now was being released, and he couldn't stop crying. He lost himself in his sobs, so much so that he forgot where he was entirely, consumed by the relief and exhaustion.

He felt arms encircle him, and the touch made him feel violently ill. His body jerked up without his consent, and he immediately knew there would be consequences for that. Shane hated it when he flinched away, "S-s-sorry, I-I'm sorry, I didn't m-mean t-t-to, Sh-" he meant to apologize, but a voice he didn't recognize at first interrupted him.

"Hey, it's okay, Rick, I won't touch you if you don't want to be touched."

Oh. It wasn't Shane. That's right. Amidst the revelation that his son was alive, he must have forgot where he was and who he was with. "Negan?"

He said... He wouldn't touch Rick, if he didn't want to be touched. What an odd thing for a person to say to their enemy.

"Yes?" Negan answered, and Rick could barely make out his tall frame through his own tears. Rick felt himself relax minutely, his body unconsciously soothed by the fact that Shane wasn't present.

He suddenly felt so overwhelmed by everything, he couldn't keep his eyes open. Like he finally knew that Carl was okay, he could sleep now.

Had he been awake, he may have noticed that Negan left without saying anything about Judith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx much guys. I'm gonna sleep now. Got some tests to study for and work tomorrow too. Zzz


	13. A Just Comparison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane gets home.
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings for implied rape. Inappropriate instances involving children. Some violence. Manipulative relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oi. It me boi. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy! My apologies about this taking so long. I had to pretty much do my entire lab report by myself. My lab partners had "Other shit". Uh huh. Sure, Becky.
> 
> Lmao anyways, thanks very much for reading. I'll try to post more soon.

Michonne was worried. She'd been for a while now, but the events that had occurred recently have only served to further her concern. For Rick. For his children. For the future of their entire family. Maggie being pregnant is a joy, but a serious risk. The baby could be affected by Maggie's mere emotional stress, not to mention the enormous amount of physical strain the woman had no choice but to put herself through everyday just to survive in this world now.

Her heart hurt to think about it, but Michonne remembered how it was with her son. Every little issue felt like an enormous problem, she had trouble sleeping, keeping food down in the first trimester, even her emotional mindset was more sensitive. It was very troublesome. She loved it though.

But she had doctors, clubs and groups, friends and neighbors with advice and so much more than Maggie has now in this world.

And Carl. During their time spent together on the road, she had grown attached to the boy. He reminded her of how Andre may have been, had he lived to be Carl's age. He was smart, caring, and a wonderful friend to her. Everything she could see her son becoming, she saw in Carl.

And Judith.

There were no words for how much she loved her. Her beautiful innocence, the way she looked up... With the sweetest eyes. Her tender soul wore most on Michonne's heart, worry amplified tenfold every time she pictured the sweet baby.

Rick, she knew, could lead better. She knew him quite well, as well as she could when Shane was nearly always on the man's back.

He was strong, resilient, and clearly born to lead. She wasn't surprised when she found out that he was a sheriff's deputy, back before the end.

"Did you ever get shot at?" She'd asked after he told her.

"That's how my view of that world ended. I was shot on the job, was in a coma. When I woke up, everything was..." He gestured widely with his hands, indicating the squalid conditions they were residing in.

Shane, on the other hand, she was surprised to learn that he had held the same position. Until she thought about it, and she wasn't. She could just imagine what kind of officer he had been. From her perspective, it seemed as though he was the type to go into that line of work for the mere power the position gave him, not to actually help maintain justice or order.

She didn't like Shane. Presently, she was headed to Rick's houseto check on the man.

From the moment she met him, he seemed meek and hesitant in some instances. Though, that could hardly be said about him when he was put into a position where everyone looked up to him. It was as if he was suppressing himself, until the moment he was forced to the brink of either death or leadership. When she met him, he seemed to be a different man than from what she had come to learn. Glenn described how it used to be, when Rick showed up, before Shane had suddenly seized power.

 

They were living at the prison at the time. She wasn't yet integrated into the group, and Rick had been wary of her, though not nearly as hostile as Shane had been when she showed up at the front gate a few days ago.

Several people had spoken to her, on-guard in their exchanges, but polite, nonetheless. Glenn sat next to her in D, Maggie absent from his side for the first time in days.

They got to talking, and he laid down the details of their story.

"He was... Better. IS better. More level-headed, I'd say. Not the least bit ruthless, but heaps more smart than Shane. Don't tell him I said so though." The young man shivered at the thought of Shane knowing his dissent.

"Why doesn't he lead then? They seem to have an understanding. Why wouldn't Shane step down for the wellbeing of the group?"

 

How things have changed since then. She wasn't sure if it was occurring then and she just didn't see it, untrusting and unwitting to the groups inter workings, but something was definitely happening between Shane and Rick.

She didn't want to assume anything, after all, Rick would never let anything happen. He was resilient, and he had her, Daryl, Glenn, everyone, to talk to. He needed only to say that Shane was pressuring him into a lesser role within the group, and surely everyone would be on his side. It wasn't unclear as to who the majority of the group liked better.

But he didn't say anything. He just went about his days, just like before, and If Michonne noticed something off about the way he moved, or strange about his ever-present upturned brow, she felt it wasn't her place to pester him. He was a grown man who would deal with his own problems, or ask for help if he couldn't. But still.

As she made her way up the street, she resolved that she would not leave until he had at least thought about her proposition.

With Carl gone, it was imperative that Rick seize control immediately. Who knows how bad Shane could fuck this situation up, she thought bitterly. He screwed up and got Carl taken in the first place.

Her breath hitched when she pictured what Negan could be doing with the boy. She wanted nothing more than to locate this "sanctuary" as they had pretentiously named it, track down Negan, and shoot him straight through the head. She wanted to, but this required... She hated to realize, but this situation required diplomacy. Negotiation. Compliance. That was how they had to proceed until they could find a way to eliminate Negan without giving his men the chance to retaliate.

She was hell bent on displaying to Rick her determination and hope that they would get Carl back.

And she told Rick as much. They would get him back. They would.

 

Rick didn't know what to think. After Michonne's visit, he had been distressed at the idea of resuming his position. He couldn't let this get out to Shane, that the others were apparently against him and in favor of Rick.

And then, Negan had come. He'd seen Judith, and Rick's desperation had increased tenfold. Every facet of his life was in shambles now, and he could barely think straight.

He'd fallen asleep, and upon awakening, face mushed into the seat of the couch, back slumped and a blanket haphazardly thrown over his legs, had come to the realization of what had just occurred.

He stood up, a little too fast if his injured arm's sudden burst of pain was any indication, and immediately leapt for the stairs, taking them by the two's as he began panicking at the thought that Negan had taken his daughter.

"Please, no."

How stupid of him to fall asleep. He hadn't meant to, but it seemed that after panicking and panicking and being on the edge of a breakdown, his body needed to restart.

"Please, no, no!" And now he was panicking again. He only had himself to blame, he thought with a sob as he rounded the corner of the hall, flinging himself into his baby's room.

Only to see her laying in bed, undisturbed, curls splayed out around her tiny face.

And he couldn't take it. He sobbed wholeheartedly, beyond thankful to any God that might still exist that Negan hadn't taken his daughter like he'd taken his son.

His son. Who was alive. He knelt on the soft carpeted floor in front of Judith's crib, trying to quell his sobs, now composed of more relief than anything else.

He leaned on the crib railing for support, head bowed and pressed against the bars as his breaths stuttered.

He didn't know how long he had been there like that, watching Judith's peaceful face as he calmed down, but soon he was startled out of his reverie by the front door slamming open.

 

 

  
"Rick!" Shane was tired, and hungry, among other things. He'd been somewhat successful in his scavenging, but the real success was his ever-developing plan of retaliation, one that would free them from the Saviors clutches. He still had to work out the kinks, but for now, he just wanted something to eat, and to be close to Rick.

Holy hell, was he worried about him. His entire trip was composed of thoughts of Rick. Some were memories from days ago, when he'd last laid with the man, Judith cuddled up in Rick's arms afterwards. Others, were memories from hours previous to those times, sensual and oh so dirty, when Shane thought of how he could progress their sex life more.

He wanted just a little taste, before he actually ate, then dessert of course. Hopefully Rick was already prepared in both respects, because he wasn't in the mood to wait.

"Rick! Get out here!" He stormed through the the house, becoming increasingly more and more frustrated at Rick's absence.

"Ri-! Oh." He had appeared at the bottom of the steps, his face contorted in worry; clearly, he missed Shane.

"Rick. Where's dinner?" He was starving, and so maybe his voice came out a little harsh, but it was excusable in his mind because of the shit he had to deal with today.

"I-I haven't started, Shane. Wait, p-please." He spoke with a quiver in his voice, high and scared-like, but it did nothing to quell Shane's annoyance.

"You been busy, Rick? Busy on me?" He was out there providing for Rick, for this whole group, and the man couldn't even respect him enough not to fuck around?

"N-no. I was here alone. All day. Judith just needed to be put down again, b-because she woke up, and-"

"Nah, I get it Rick," Shane crept forward, cornering Rick against the stairwell, "You were just sitting on your ass all day, eating Bon-bons and shit, while I was out there, providing for you, working so that asshole wouldn't take you or your kid away, and-"

He was interrupted by a shout as Rick fell, knees hit against a step, torso tumbling backwards and slamming against the uneven stair surface.

"I know you aren't thinking of walking out on me, Rick. You had company here while I was gone, didn't you? Didn't you?!"

"N-no, Shane I-I-"

"You what, boy? What?!"

"I-It was Michonne, she just wanted t-t-to check o-on Judith. A-and I was trying to clean up so I let her in and t-then Negan-" He cut himself off. Oh no.

"Negan?! That asshole was here?! What did he do to you?! What the fuck did he do to you?!?!"

"Shane, I-I,-"

It was brutal. Somewhere along the line, Shane forgot about beating the explanation out of him, and just started beating him, coming to his own assumptions about what happened.

 

"I don't blame you, Rick."

Shane spent the night coveting Rick. Holding him. Drilling into his mind and body that _Rick was his, he owned him_. And if he hit him a few times just to get the message across, then at least the message would get across. He didn't like hitting Rick, but sometimes it was necessary. Now was one of those times. Situations had called for those type of measures a lot recently. He always made sure to hit him where it wouldn't show; this was nobodies business but their own, always had been. 

"It's not your fault he was here, that he took advantage of your kindness. Your innocence."

 

He had been mostly correct. Negan had taken advantage. He'd entered Rick's home, taken liberties he had no right to take, but that's it. Rick hoped Shane knew that that was the extent of Negan's involvement with him that day.

He assumed it had to be the case; if Shane suspected that Negan had taken advantage of him in another way, he most certainly would have been harsher, even more so than he already was.

Presently, Rick could barely move. Shane kept saying he didn't blame Rick, but each thrust was agony, violent, like it was punishment.

Then his demeanor changed as soon as he finished, tainting Rick's insides and pulling out roughly.

Rick flat out refused to get Judith afterwards, unwilling to expose her once more to the perverseness of this situation, and to his shame. Even if he choose to obey, he could barely move to get her, his muscles burning, injured arm spasming in pain. Shane just sighed and turned over, back facing Rick.

Rick's mind wondered off as sleep claimed him, feeling unsafe and dirty, but his mind conjuring up the image of his son, _alive_ and presumably safe and at the very _least away from Shane._

He could rest easy, knowing that Carl was safe.

Had he been more aware, had his mind not been sleep-addled and filled to the brim with agony, he would have come to the realization that he assigned Negan as a preference over Shane; that he unconsciously considered Negan as a better alternative to Shane.

He wouldn't come to this realization consciously for some time.

"Tomorrow," Shane spoke up, body still facing away from him. "I'm going out again." If Rick had been aware, he might have heard the strange tone Shane had used.

But he wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I tried to have Michonne's perspective in here, just because I feel like we've seen so much of Negan, Carl, Shane, and Rick. 
> 
> Don't forget to kudos, comment telling what you liked/didn't like and How I could do better/what you would like to see maybe.
> 
> Thanks everyone.  
> -smeag


	14. Planning Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick receives pressure from those around him, Carol plots, and someone returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fuckng kill me now. 
> 
> Hey, I know what you're all thinking "oh boi look at this fucking guy, back again with his shitty fanfic."  
> you are, of course, correct. I want to die.  
> I got a lotta positive feedback, and, rest assured, it made me feel extremely guilty for not uploading more chapters. So IM SORRY! I know this is shit, but lots of you actually enjoy it (which is just weird because i'm a shit writer and idk where this is even going) but you guys deserve more than this shit, and all I can offer you is the next chapter. so enjoy. love you

It became a pattern, soon enough. Shane would leave, Rick would gratefully return to his own work, visiting families to offer any sort of assistance or placation, keeping up with the wall maintenance, sorting the storage room, planning for a garden somewhere around the town, everyday routine things he couldn't otherwise do when Shane arrived home, interrupting his day in the most horrific manner.

He would always be on some sort of high when the man left, a high that lasted until days later, when he finally deigned to show up again, covered in grime and insatiable in hunger.

One such occurrence that took place during Shane's absence was when he went to visit Abraham, the redhead still put up in the town's makeshift infirmary, healing well but skin still raw and the risk of infection too high for him to really leave. Judith was left with Carol, the grey-haired woman giving Rick an odd look as he skittered around the house before leaving, rasping out a grateful thanks as he left, heading towards the center of town. 

"We may have fucked up when killing his men, true," He was currently the picture of lax, laid out on his belly, hands beneath his chin as if he was getting a massage from Rosita, not having her smear antibiotic creams all over his nearly-healed back as he only sighed as her gentle fingers tickled his red skin. 

"But he fucked us up back, with this shit," he tilted his head up, gesturing to his own wounds, "And with Carl. They're still fucking us, taking our shit. I swear, as soon as I get out of here I'm prepared to show his whole little posse a real good fight."

"We can't just start a war, not while Carl is still there. Even if he wasn't, we would never be able to win." Rick was adamant about not starting a war, what with Negan having much more manpower. He didn't believe they had to go into an all-or-nothing battle against the man. 

Yes, the saviors were screwing them, but hadn’t they screwed up first?

“We would.” Abraham looked up at him, blue eyes alight, “with your leadership, we would.”

At that, Rick’s chest tightened, half from adrenalin, half from panic. Abraham didn’t seem to notice.

 

 

 

 

Rick made his way down the south border of town, wandering aimlessly as he mulled over his options, Abrahams parting words echoing through his skull.

 

 

 

“I been talking to Glenn, said you would make a better leader than Shane. Hell, he said you were a better leader, for a while.” Abraham glanced up at Rick, noticing his tight expression. “Look, I get that he’s your… boyfriend,” Rick winced, “or whatever, but we need the best leadership possible, especially now. So you need to be willing to take it from him.”

“I-“

“We’ll help. There’s a lot of us who feel this way. When the time comes, I know you’ll be ready to do what’s right; to do what we **_need_**.”

Rick merely nodded halfheartedly, his face still shadowed with anxiety.

 

 

 

 

Could he really take back his role as leader? It seemed impossible. The mere thought of it presented Rick with some very undesirable and very possible outcomes. He couldn’t imagine Shane could escalate their situation further; what else could he take from Rick that he hadn’t already taken?

Inhaling a shaking breath, Rick neared the front gate. There was a lot Shane could take from him. Judith. Carl, if he ever returned. His dignity. It wasn’t necessarily his brutality or creativity Rick was most afraid of, it was Shane’s propensity for sickness. His perversion knew no bounds, it seemed. The man may not be all too smart, but he sure was willing to do anything. Rick couldn’t help but shiver at the thought, his mind fully absorbed.

He couldn’t very well do nothing though, could he? Carl was gone, and even if Negan had said he was fine, so what? What reason does Rick have to trust him, other than he hasn’t gone out of his way to personally hurt Rick or his family? What the man was doing now was hurting them all, those who had become family to him. His violent nature was boiling just below that cool, attractive exterior, Rick was sure, and now was no time to let the man’s “kindness” cloud his vision. Who was the bigger evil here?

Rick stood stock still, coming to stop in front of the gate. Whoever was on watch didn’t acknowledge him, which was good because he wouldn’t’ve been able to respond given how entangled his mind was. His breaths were shuddering now, his head beginning to ache with the unpleasant thoughts.  

Who was the bigger evil? The man who raped him, beat him, and manipulated him? Or the man who… who could do worse? The truth of the matter was, Rick could anticipate what Shane was capable of. He had tasted the man’s torture, but of Negan’s propensity for violence? Of Negan’s true nature? He had no idea. His hands came up to grip at his curls, massaging and tugging at his scalp in an attempt to reign in his mind and stop the ever-increasing headache.

What was Negan capable of? And was it worse than what Shane was capable of? His hands dropped from his face suddenly. The answer to this dilemma could only be gleaned from the answer to those two questions.

As he stared at the grey metal-sheet gate, it’s stature unwavering and strong, he resigned that he would have to devise a method for answering those questions.

He would have learn more about Negan. What makes him tick, what his true nature is, and whether or not he was a lesser evil than Shane.

Where worry was once etched into his features, determination and resilience now rested.

 

 

 

 

 

Carol was cooking when he arrived back home. The room smelled like cookies, and judging from the red-ish batter staining the mixer, they were her own recipe. At first, he assumed Judith was asleep, but as he made his way past the entrance way of the house he spotted her in her chair at the table, playing with a spoonful of batter. Carol had turned to watch him enter, that same odd look on her face as before. 

“Thank you, Carol. I just had to run some errands around here. Everything okay here?” He really was very appreciative of Carol, at first it seemed as though she didn’t wish to be near Judith, perhaps she stirred up painful memories of Sophia. But after they had been separated at the prison, she seemed to share a sort of bond with the girl. She still leveled Rick with the same look though.

Like she was reading him, trying to figure him out but at the same time her gaze seemed all-knowing and pitying.

“Everything was great. She didn’t nap. I figured it was too late anyway.”

Rick nodded minutely. While he loved the woman, their conversation had been getting more and more tense. Especially as of late. Rick recalled the instance when he realized the shift between them.

 

 

 

It was late, nearly midnight. Shane was asleep. After they had settled into their new home, all seemed well. Not the case for Rick.

He was currently nursing his bruised cheek, his arm aching from Shane’s earlier ministrations. Shane had rarely if ever hit him where anyone could see, favoring to abuse him in places where the marks would not be visible. For the sake of the group, his life, and especially his children, he would endure. Like a mantra in his head, repeated over and over, just to keep himself sane these past few weeks since their arrival.

While repeating that mantra in his head and thanking whatever god there was that Carl now often slept at his friends house, holding a small cube of ice (because waste not, even ice; he just couldn’t get in the habit of using more than he needs of something, or even as much as he needs, even though now they had plenty of it) to his cheek, trying to keep the swelling down, he was interrupted by a knock at the door, timid, but loud enough to be heard. He quickly stepped to answer it, hackles raised at having to answer the door so late at night.

He opened the intricate oak door a crack, “Carol?” The woman was noticeably angry, her thin grey brows downturned. Worry and anxiety was evident on her face as well. She didn’t look shocked in the least at his state, water dripping from the quickly melting ice off his face, arm poised delicately at his side. 

“You know, I’m right next door, Rick. Though these houses are very nice,” she pushed her way through the door, circling around to corner Rick against the door with her presence, “The walls still allow a lot of noise to be heard.”

She stood there, not too close, but the atmosphere was stifling, as if she was pushing him against the door, holding him there physically as she stared accusingly at him.

“Y-yeah? I-um-“

“How long, Rick?” She asked coldly.

“H-how long? What? How long what?” 

Carol just tsk-ed, the cold mask melting away to show pure concern.

“I know how it is. I want to help. But you have to be willing to let me help.” She stepped forward, arm outstretched, but at Rick’s flinched, she backed off.

“I… Don’t know what you’re talking about.” He didn’t realize at the time, but the incriminating circumstance of his physical state served as proof enough for Carol, combined with his dodgy attitude.

Carol just sighed.

“Do you need some help with that? I have some asprin, I think. And some alcohol to clean it.”

“Oh, this.” He touched his cheek, cringing at the sting. “No, it’s okay. I… Just had an accident. Forgot to turn on the lights. Couldn’t see, ran unto something.” He knew it sounded bad, and she obviously knew what it looked like, and was it _actually_ was, but he couldn’t afford for everything to fall apart. Not now, when the had just found a place.

“Okay, Rick.” She was glaring off to the side, her eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

They stood there for several seconds, the silence deafening, before Rick coughed awkwardly, and Carol moved to leave.

“Carol—“

“It’s okay. I’m here Rick. For you. For anything. Okay? Please,” she opened the door, wincing at the loud pop of the door knob, “Choose the right thing here, Rick. We’re here. We’re all here, for you.”

Rick stared at her blankly, breaths shaky, before nodding.

“T-thank… you.”

She stared at him, for a few moments more, her eyes untrusting, hopeful, sad, and pitying, before she nodded and left as quietly as she came.

 

 

 

She knew. And Rick knew she knew. And she never let him forget it.

 

 

 

 

Carol was happy to watch Judith. She reminded her of Sophia, which used to hurt, but now it was only a kindness. It was hard, staying with these people she loved so much; it was hard to love them and kill for them. She didn’t want to kill. But she couldn’t afford not to, because she loved them.

It was the same with Rick and his… Situation. She could see something, but… she wasn’t sure. All those little odd occurrences between Shane and Rick. She didn’t want to insist anything, especially when she didn’t have substantial proof, but… when a person has been through these things themselves, they just _know_.

When she heard shouts and muffled sobs that night, she knew. She couldn’t _do_ anything about it though. She couldn’t _kill_ , not anymore. And trying to convince Rick of anything would be futile. It was futile when she was in that situation, she wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ listen. Rick had to choose to free himself. Only then would she be able to help him.

And she did plan to help him when he sought it out. She was sure Glenn and Maggie were on Rick’s side already, and they didn’t even know about the abuse. Michonne, Abraham, and more. So when Rick was ready, she would be ready to help him, she would be ready to get the others to help him. But he had to choose.

She set Judith down in her chair, giving her a wooden spoon of beet cookie batter to taste.

Judith. She had made sure Shane wasn’t hurting her; her interrogation, as it practically was, of Rick telling her that Shane never hurt the baby, nor Carl. She might’ve known, knowing Rick. The man would never let his children be hurt, but the frequent babysitting instances she filled told her that Judith was okay, no physical injuries. She seemed happy, as well, so she concluded that the abuse was only happening to Rick. This makes the situation very delicate, and any attempt to resolve it herself may just lead to a worse outcome. It didn’t help that the people who weren’t in their circle of family, that is, the original Alexandrians, liked Shane, a lot. Followed him like the sheep they are. Any accusation against Shane had to come from Rick. With no proof other than Rick’s testimony, her hands were tied.

As she spread the batter onto a cooking sheet, she laments. She feels bad for thinking it, but if Shane ever turned his violence towards his children, Rick would surely overthrow him, probably kill him. Shane needed to be gone, but Rick’s kids didn’t need to suffer to make that happen, though it would surely be the catalyst to achieve Shane’s ejection.  

“Do you like it? Is it good, hon?” She sat next to Judith as she waited for the cookies to finish baking. Judith squealed in response, squishing the batter between her fingers before sticking them in her mouth.

No, her hands were tied on this. But this person, Negan. Who was he? She had barely seen nor spoken with him. From what she had seen and heard, he seemed too much like Shane. Brutal and perverse.

She didn’t appreciate the visits he made to Rick every time he came either. She had investigated several times, keeping an ear out towards Rick’s home every time the bat-wielding man entered, and rushing over to check on Rick each time Negan left. No signs of anything physical.

Once, Rick was even fast asleep as soon as she snuck in. This said to her that Negan was, perhaps, not a threat, at least, not yet. Knowing Rick, he would never fall asleep at the drop of a hat, and he would never fall asleep if he felt unsafe, especially with Judith in the vicinity.

So she would have to see how things play out in regards to Negan, but Shane was her number one target; every time he returned from his runs, she would be brandishing a weapon, keeping close, ready to strike as soon as Rick gave her the go-ahead.

A buzzer went off, shaking her from her thoughts. She stood, hurrying to the oven to remove the cookies. Commotion at the front door told her Rick was home.

Their conversation had been stilted at best since that night.

“She didn’t nap. I figured it was too early anyway.”

Rick only nodded uncomfortably.

“These look good. The last ones barely lasted a minute. Maybe I’ll get to try some this time.” He gestured to the pink-tinted cookies.

“Well, since you and Judy are the only ones here I imagine you will.” She had meant it to be light hearted, but the implication of Shane and the mention of Carl’s absence darken Rick’s face, eyes sad and fearful.

“I’m sorry, Rick, I—“

“Don’t be, Carol. Here,” he picked up the mixer, still coated with batter, “I’ll help you wash up.”

Now it was her turn to nod awkwardly.

They stood at the sink, Rick washing and Carol drying, both glancing over at Judith occasionally as she screeched and babbled happily, before they were interrupted by yet again a commotion at the front door.

Eugene burst in, brows upturned and anxious, breaths coming in pants.

“N-N-Negan is h-here. A-and… Carl is with him.”

The dishes in both Rick and Carol’s hands dropped, one to the floor and the other in the sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and thankso much for the feedback on my last chap. I read all of them, I cried over all of them, and then i wrote this. it means so much to me that you actually enjoy this. I always try to respond to comments, but i'm sorry that i didn't respond to hardly any on the last chapter. it made me feel very guilty. 
> 
> I will try to post another chapter soon. Idk where this is going, but let me know if you liked it/hated it/wanted to destroy it in a fire. thank you <3


	15. The (not so) Prodigal Son Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick finally gets some reprieve when Carl returns.
> 
> A guest decides to stay at the Grime's house, and he may or may not be entirely unwelcome.
> 
> Posted 1/4/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess whos back. back again. it's ya boy, smeag. back at it again with another chapter. This one is nice and long. 
> 
> Okay so I know you're all wanting Shane and Negan to fight, and the culmination of all this drama will occur soon. Please be patient. I am trying to build up a connection between Rick and Negan before any retribution happens. I feel this will make it more satisfying when the climax occurs. I had a lot of people just outright asking for Negan to beat the shit out of Shane, and while I would love to oblige you, I feel this slow burn serves the story better. The climax will happen though, don't worry. And it may or may not be what you are expecting.

“Carl!”

“Dad!”

He looked bigger, if that was possible. His shoulders wider and hair longer; in the weeks they had been separated, Carl had filled out, grown up, and matured more than Rick could remember. The sun, which was quickly disappearing behind the horizon, was glimmering off his hair, shining behind him like a halo.

The strength of his embrace surprised Rick, the boy’s strong arms pushing the air from his lungs momentarily. Rick’s own embrace seemed to pale in comparison of strength to his son’s, and after a moment he realized the world was not, in fact, shaking, just that _he_ was; chest wracked with sobbing shudders, tears flowing freely from his eyes as he was crushed into his son’s arms.

“C-Carl… Are you… o-okay?”

Carl pulled back to look at him, and Rick realized he was staring up into his face, whereas before Negan took him, he swore he was always peering down towards the boy.

“Of course. I’m okay. I-I’m more than okay, dad.” He looked it, too. It looked as if he was eating more now than he ever had, the low timbre of his once-boyish voice betraying just how much he’d changed in just a mere few months of absence, his pale skin and police hat betraying just how much the same he was.

“A-Are you okay? Did he… Dad, are you okay?”

“Yes, of course! Of course, Carl. Of course I’m okay. I-I was so worried. I was so worried, about you. Carl. I thought that—I thought that you were—I thought that—” He realized how choppy his speech was becoming, sobs taking over, relieved rambling taking precedence over coherency.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here now.” Carl pulled him back down into his chest, head tucked under the boy’s chin, hands rubbing absently at his shoulders.

“Where’s Judith?”

“She’s-” Rick turned as much as he could manage with his torso crushed against his son’s, glancing the short distance he had run from the house, realizing he left Judith along in her chair, albeit for a mere 60 seconds.

“—Inside.” And suddenly he took in his surroundings. Carol was standing a few feet behind him, tears in her eyes, Eugene was next to her, hand awkwardly on her shoulder.

In front of him, behind Carl, stood the man himself. Negan. There was always some sort of threat in the man, in his eyes or his stance or his choice weapon of a fucking baseball bat, a threat that had been fading, especially since that visit when he fell asleep on the couch and Negan had discovered Judith. But now, there was no trace of that lingering threat.

Carl pulled away from Rick then, and wrapped a long arm around him, guiding him away from Negan, toward the house, “C’mon, I wanna see my sister,” and Rick had seen a genuine smile on the man’s face before his head snapped forward to keep up with his son.

The footsteps behind him told him Negan was following.

 

 

Carol was relieved to see Carl. It was like the homecoming she never had for her daughter after they’d lost her. Carl was home, alive. And more than that, he seemed stronger, more independent, as though his time away had strengthened him in a way they never had the resources to allow. No doubt, they had more food, and Carol assumed the boy was under constant training. Almost as if Negan was preparing him for something.

Tears of relief filled her eyes as she watched the two men embrace. As they turned to enter the house, Carl reached out to hug her with one hand, his other still wrapped around his father.

Perhaps her plan to survey Negan was unnecessary… As she was about to follow the two into the house, she saw a smile spread over Negan’s face, one not threatening, as she had seen before. She wasn’t sure what to make of all this yet.

 

 

“Hey, Judy! I’m back!” Carl had scooped her up as soon as he entered, stopping her fidgeting and hugging her to his chest. She immediately squealed, hands coming up to touch his face and yank his hair in joy and surprise.

“Hey! I’m here! I missed you so much.” Carl kissed her head as she continued to coo. “Were you a good girl? Were you good for dad, Judy?” He kissed her again, bouncing her gently.

Rick sniffled beside them, too relieved to say anything. Both his kids were here, safe and alive and _happy._ It was an outcome he had slowly but surely lost hope in the longer Carl was gone. For a moment, all his problems seemed to fade. Shane, Negan, the hell they had been living in for the past few years, none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered right now was Carl and Judith.

At some point, Carl pulled him in without a word, and he wrapped his arms around both of them silently, tears still flowing freely as he embraced both of his children.

After an immeasurable amount of time, their embrace was broken up by someone clearing their throat.

Negan was standing in the middle of the room, his huge presence looking out of place in the quaint dining room, contrasted by Carol and Eugene standing opposite to him on the other side of the table.

“I hate to break this up,” he paused briefly, lips thinning as he looked between Rick, Carl, and Judith, a strange smile on his face Rick could not discern the meaning of, “but I think we need to discuss some things.”

Rick immediately tensed, breath coming sharp and shallow.

Negan’s smile disappeared at Rick’s reaction, sighing as his eyes continued to look between the three, occasionally peering at the other two adults in the room, who were just as silent.

“Tomorrow. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Rick relaxed minutely.

An awkward silence overtook the room once again, the only sound being Judith’s soft coos as she played with her brother’s hair, before it was broken once again by Negan.

“I’ll take the couch. Unless you’ve got a spare room?”

“W-what? You’re… What?” Rick said after his words registered.

“I said, we’ll talk tomorrow. I can see it’s not the time for this. You need to… regroup. Catch up… uhh, all that. So we’ll talk tomorrow.” His tone was skeptical, but his body language spoke finality and authority.

“O-okay.” Rick knew better than to fight Negan on this.

“We’ll-we’ll… be leaving now.” Eugene said uncomfortably.

“Eugene—“ Carol was about to tell him off for speaking _for_ her, but the tone of the room was too tense for that. “You go, I… need to speak to Rick for a moment.” She grabbed ahold of Rick’s uninjured arm, pulling him toward the stairwell.

“Are you going to be okay… with him here? Because if not, you _need_ to tell me, Rick.” She whispered mutedly, gripping both his shoulders gently, but with enough firmness to make sure he _knew_ she _needed_ the truth from him, now. His brows crooked up, his head nodding softly.

“It—I think—it’ll be okay. As long as… I mean, if Shane comes back and… and Negan’s here, that… that’s the only issue. I think… besides that, it will be okay. I need to hear what he has to say tomorrow. And plus,” he smiled nervously, “I don’t think I really have a choice.”

“Don’t say that, Rick. You do have a choice. Just say the word. Say the word, and he’s gone. I’d make sure of it, got it?”

“Y-yes. Yes, thank you. Thank you Carol. I _know_.” They stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds, before they both pulled each other in for a hug, separating after a minute, after which Rick headed back into the dining room, and Carol headed for the door, where Eugene was waiting, turned away from them. She turned to face him one last time, before she left out the front door, the cool air surrounding her as Eugene walked beside her silently.

Rick reentered the dining room, trying to set his face into a strong resolve, but not knowing if he had much success. Upon entering, the sight that greeted him was more confusing that anything. Carl was handing Judith to Negan, his hand never leaving her head, and Negan awkwardly trying to position her in his arms.

The sight was so shocking, Rick froze. Carl didn’t look in the least bit worried, in fact he had an amused smile on his face as he watched Negan hold Judith in an overly-cautious manner, eyes transfixed on her face. Judith, for her part, was reaching up, probably intent on playing with the man’s beard as she had done so many times with Rick. He always kept it cleanly shaved nowadays, the way Shane liked, but seeing her like this reminds him of how much she liked to play with it.

“Aren’t you sweet? Hey, cutie.” Negan’s voice was softer than he had ever heard it, but it was strangely familiar. Like he had heard it in a dream, weeks ago and under a sleepy fog. Watching the unexpectedly sweet scene play out before him left him feeling intrusive, strangely enough.

He approached them then, uncomfortable at feeling like a spy in his own house, and Negan’s attention was back on him in an instant, still cradling Judith to his chest and allowing her to pull and play with his facial hair.

“So… no spare room, then?” Negan asked with raised eye brows, “Or… maybe I could stay in your room, then, Rick?” It was asked in a purely innocent manner, but the wag of his brows left Rick flushing for reasons he didn’t understand. Carl must have picked up on something he hadn’t, though, because Negan’s words set him off.

“Oh come on!” He took Judith from him then, his face more annoyed than actually angry. “You’re sleeping on the floor, you fu—uh…” He stopped then, looking between Rick and Judith, “You… perv.” He finished lamely, the brow above his eye twitching in annoyance.

Negan just laughed boisterously, as if it was an inside joke between them that Rick was helpless to understand. The whole exchange reeked of familiarity and, oddly enough, friendship, between the two.

It threw Rick for a loop. All this time he feared for Carl’s life, but perhaps he had been wrong all along. The boy looked stronger than ever, and even through his castigation, Negan hadn’t gotten angry. The opposite, in fact. All this time he assumed Carl was in danger, and Negan _was that danger._ But now, that seemed to be entirely false.

Negan had not punished him for hiding Judith, had returned his son, and… cared for Rick. He hadn’t felt this safe in anyone’s presence since before the… Shane incident.

“There’s some blankets upstairs. And I’ll grab you a pillow.” He turned to leave, but Carl called him back.

“Dad! No, you take Judith and put her to bed. I’ll get Negan the stuff. Just put her to sleep, and then get some rest, okay?” He spoke with authority, which again threw Rick for a loop. He stood there, momentarily shell-shocked, blinking confusedly as Carl handed Judith to him. He turned Rick towards the stairs, warm hands on his shoulders, nudging him gently. “It’s okay; you’re tired. I’ve got this.”

“O-Okay, but I—“ Rick meant to protest, but he really had nothing to say in disagreement.

“Night, dad. Please get some sleep.” Carl hugged him from behind, arms wrapped around both him and Judith, before walking towards the closet where they kept the blankets.

Rick nodded dumbly, shock over the events of the day sweeping over him as he numbly made his way up the stairs.

He prepared Judith for bed in much the same way, kissing her absentmindedly, before making his way to his own bed. He was hesitant to fall asleep, the quiet deep voices of his son and Negan coming from the floor below lulling him to sleep nonetheless.

If Negan wanted to do something to him or his kids, he had the chance multiple times before. Carl seemed nonplussed about his presence, going so far as to trust him with his baby sister. Rick can’t recall a time when Carl had gotten on so well with someone else like he seemed to with Negan.

And Negan. The way he looked at Carl, it was everything Rick wished Shane to be. Instead, the two were fighting constantly. Rick had nearly forgotten the horrible attitudes Carl and Shane had when interacting with each other. But with Negan, the situation as vastly different. And when the man had held Judith, his face betrayed his adoration for the girl, as if the moment he held her he became dedicated to her.

He was kind. To him, to his children. Rick wanted to… hope. For what, he didn’t yet realize.

He just hoped Shane wouldn’t come home until after Negan left, and that Negan didn’t have anything… problematic in whatever he was planning on talking to Rick about tomorrow.

 

 

 

Negan decided it was time. The kid was stronger, reliant, and crafty. Negan had been teaching him everything he knew about leadership and survival. Sometimes it required difficult lessons, uncomfortable ones, about death and moving on. And other ties it was about fun ones, like power plays and displays of control. After telling Carl pretty much everything about his life, save for some… depressing details, he had hoped the kid would tell him more about his groups and his own life. At first, he never got more out of him but that story of his dad ripping out some guy’s throat with his bare-ass teeth, but more and more he would mention little details Negan hadn’t heard before.

Once every so often, he would stare at Negan, seemingly sizing him up, before asking, “What do you plan to do with us?” Negan would tell him, over and over, that he was trying to build something bigger. It was all for the better, and he needed men like Carl to obtain that betterment.

Eventually those questions turned into, “Would you… help us, if we needed it? Would you help me?”

And of course, he always answered, “Yes.” He could tell Carl was skeptical, but every day he spent at the sanctuary eroded his skepticism.

But, of course, every day he spent there just strengthened his desire to return home. And Negan had promised a week ago that he would allow Carl to return home in… a week. Well shit.

So here they are. The drive over was shit, by the way. Fucking walkers. But it was worth it just to see Rick run from his house, eyes alight and chest shaking. Seeing the man encased in the kid’s arms, his face melting into intense relief, was the highlight of Negan’s month—no, the highlight of his _year_.

He couldn’t help it if his lips split to reveal white teeth, the corners of his mouth pushed upward, seemingly of their own accord. It was just too damn cute.

The girl was still cute as all hell too. And if he thought the previous sight was cute, well this scene was downright adorable; Rick and Carl and Judith, all the Grimes brats entwined sweetly, the kids not bothered by their dad’s still-shaking breaths and overflowing tears. Goddamnit it was too damn much.

Negan couldn’t deny, this sight above all made him jealous. Some other lucky fucking prick had this, every fucking day, and yes, Negan didn’t deserve it, but that fucking asshole Shane didn’t either. Probably. Though he didn't have a real reason to hate the guy, he still did. Something was off about him, Negan just didn't know what. Besides, even if Shane was the holiest man on earth, there's no way he was deserving of a family like Rick's. No one on earth was.

Holding the little angel just hurt him all over again. He always wanted kids, and he found himself enjoying acting as a “father” to Carl, but a baby was just special. Small and sweet, it hurt that he never got this with Lucille. And he never would. But if he played his cards right, he could have something like it with these kids. He wanted something like that, with Rick and his kids.

He just had to make friends with Rick, stay friends with Carl, and become friends with the rest of Alexandria. Get them in on his plan for the future.

And… stay away from Shane, since he wasn’t going away and Negan couldn’t stand the guy, and keep away from the many Alexandrians who, for some fuck-all reason, were ever-allegiant to Shane.

Rick was distracting, his pretty blue eyes still tearful, and he must have said the wrong thing, because Carl took the baby from him and started going off on him. He mostly tuned it out; this happened probably over a hundred times a day back at the sanctuary, the kid was authoritative as hell, especially concerning his father.

“You… perv.” He said, though Negan could tell he wanted to say something else but wouldn’t in front of his father and sister.

Crude comments about his father always sparked this reaction from Carl. It was, apparently, a touchy subject for the kid. They had had many of these kinds of encounters over the time Carl had spent at the sanctuary. It never ceased to amuse Negan.

Carl quickly dismissed Rick, sending him curtly up to bed as if he was the father and Rick the son. Dear god, did he give this kid a superiority complex during their time training or what?

“Stop being a perverted dick, dipshit.” Ah, so he just wanted his daddy out of the room when he berated Negan with swear words. Handing him a blanket, he scoffed.

“I mean it. He’s been through enough today… He’s been through enough period.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be on my best behavior. And tomorrow, we’re gonna tell him. Okay?”

“Okay.”

He just hoped that dick Shane didn’t return.

“Hey, where is that prick anyway?” Carl was headed towards the stairs, absentmindedly scratching his head, before turning to Negan.

“Hmm? Oh…” He turned back around, facing away from Negan.

“He’s probably on a run.”

“Oh. Great. Well, goodnight kid, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, night.”

So the prick was out then. Good. Though Negan couldn’t do anything about him, he had no reason to, he still didn’t want to have to deal with him. He didn’t want to have to show that side of himself, not around Rick or Judith. He didn’t want to scare Rick anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u very much for reading, and please stay tuned for the next chapter. I read and enjoyed all ur comments, and I hope you liked this chap. 
> 
> Please let me know what u think, and of any errors, I wrote this at 2:00am. 
> 
> love u guys  
> -smeag


	16. News and Nice Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news Negan has been meaning to talk to Rick about finally comes. 
> 
> Rick and Negan get a bit hot together.
> 
> Posted 1/9/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It me, bois. It me  
> Bakc again with this shit. Finally got around to posting. I hope you all enjoy it and than you for thecomments on my last chap. I loved every one of them and they inspire me to continue with this, knowing so many people actually like the stuff i write. ya'll too sweet.

Rick awoke to cries from Judith’s room. He scrambled out of bed and made his way down the hall and towards her room, unbothered by his state of undress, only clad in oversized boxers that hanged off his skinny hipbones.

What he was met with alarmed him at first, Judith, cries diminishing into soft coos, held in the arms of none other than Negan, who was shushing her gently, a look of pure awe on his face as he stared, in a way that Rick could only categorize as delicately, down at her face.

It was all very strange. Rick stood stock-still in the middle of the doorway; if the larger man had seen him, he hadn’t shown any sign of acknowledgement, attention consumed by the girl in his arms. Only when Carl entered the hallway from his room did Rick snap out of his stupor, Negan following suit.

Carl must not have seen the gathering in and around Judith’s room, if the way he blearily crept the opposite way down the hall towards the bathroom was any indication, probably a result of his missing eye cutting out half his vision, that, or the fact that it was early morning and he was a teenager and the two rarely went together well.

Rick’s attention went back to the two in front of him, and he nearly jumped when his eyes met Negan’s, staring at him amusedly. The up-and-down those brown eyes made across his scantily-clad body gave Rick the urge to shiver, but he repressed it, choosing instead to break the silence awkwardly, voice hoarse.

“H-hey. Uh, I-I can take her.” He shuffled forward, hands outstretched, reaching for the girl who had not stopped mumbling and cooing.

“Sure thing, Rick.” Negan took one last look at her before kissing her atop the head, to which Rick’s eyes widened in shock, before handing her to him. Rick took her with a slight wince, her small weight exacerbating his ever-weakened arm.

Negan stood still for a few seconds, during which Rick noticed his state, boxers and white undershirt betraying his humanity, and denying the divinity everyone, including Rick, had seemed to attribute to him due to his power. Though, in what little amount the larger man was wearing, he seemed to be god-like in  _other_  ways, perfect physique and tall stature and rippling muscles making Rick blush as he walked to Judith’s changing table, turning away from the man so he wouldn’t see the redness that was blossoming on his cheeks, now hyper-aware of his own state of dress, or lack thereof.

Rick set to work changing Judith, expecting Negan to leave the room. As he dressed her in one of her favorite pink outfits, he turned around only to see the man sitting on the window bench, the picture of ease, watching him.

Rick attempted to ignore the man’s piercing stare as he put Judith back in her crib, handing her a stuffed toy and trying to keep the goosebumps at bay at feeling eyes linger on his bare skin from the gaze from the corner. He was glad now more than anything that it had been weeks since Shane's last visit and subsequent beating, glad to not have to be scrutinized for any bruises the man had left under his shirt and pants that had since faded.

He straightened up, looking to Negan expectantly. 

“So…”

“Let’s have that talk, then.” Negan shifting over to make room on the window seat, presumably for Rick.

“Now?!” Rick squawked, indignant at the prospect of sitting so close to Negan practically naked talking about… who knows what. Probably something important. Probably something to do with the future of Alexandria, or what Negan plans to do with Carl. God, he did  _not_  want to have such an important conversation  _in his fucking underwear._

Negan looked mildly disappointed at Rick’s outburst, eyes dragging across each inch of exposed skin with a look Rick couldn’t quite place. It was almost reminiscent of Shane, but, despite this, Rick found he didn’t feel his skin crawl disgustingly the same way he did when it was Shane. He just felt uncomfortably hot.

“Hmmm fine,” Negan said, rolling his eyes, “Get dressed and we’ll talk.” And with that he stood and left the room. Rick could hear him padding down the stairs. The fact that his complaint was actually listened to stunned him, so used to his refusal being ignored or punished by Shane. It felt… nice, to be heard and respected, even though he clearly acted against Negan’s desires.

Bereft of that gaze, Rick could feel himself finally able to think as he made his way to his room. He pulled on his clothes absentmindedly.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t realize Negan’s attraction to him, well, he could grasp the threatening aspect of it, whether it was intended or not, especially used as a tool against Shane, but he was under the impression that the passes the man made were just threats leveled at Shane, or even threats meant to keep he himself in line. But the events of last night, and now this morning, had Rick thinking maybe the attraction was genuine.

It wasn’t all that unwelcome, either. Rick had never seen himself as that attractive; Lori was gorgeous, but he’d come to accept her attraction to him as an extension of their personal connection, born from their mutual love. He didn’t think he was ugly, but he’d never had that allure that would’ve told him he was inexplicably attractive. His relationship with Shane was, he was sure, was nothing more than a power-play, born of Shane’s jealousy and internal issues.

But this. This was new. To know that Negan was attracted to him, but that he didn’t take anything from him; it shouldn’t make Rick feel so good inside, feel relief and a twinge of want, but it did.

He brushed his teeth and went to Judith’s room, but she was absent.

Walking down the stairs he heard a commotion from the kitchen. Judith was in her chair, hitting her toy against the table and swinging her legs sporadically under the table, her free hand buried in a bowl of mashed apple, fully content.

Said commotion was from the two men searching for eggs in the refrigerator, two presences taking up too much space between the fridge doorway.

Upon noticing Rick, Negan turned and faced him. His eyes again ran up and down Rick’s body approvingly, and Rick had to resist the shiver that ran up his spine at that look, heat curling in his gut.

Negan smiled, looking between Carl and Rick.

“Where the hell do you guys get fresh eggs anyways?” He said with a smirk. Rick was about to panic, if not for Carl slapping him playfully on the shoulder.

“Would you just—he doesn’t know that you know—ugh. Well,” he looked to Rick exasperatedly, “I might’ve told Negan about our relations with Hilltop. How Maggie and Michonne always bring eggs and stuff when they make trips.”

Oh no. What would this mean? Rick’s eyes widened at the unpredictable outcomes to Negan discovering such a thing.

“I’ll go get some from Carol.” Carl, unperturbed by his father’s uneasy expression, left out the front door, heading across the street towards Carol’s residence, and just like that, Rick was left alone with Negan. Again.

“So,” Rick’s eyes left the door at the word, resting on Negan, his face feeling hot, sweat building as he watched the man round on him like a tiger stalks its prey, smooth and calm, face serene but smirking.

“I’m gonna level with you here.” Rick backed up until he felt himself press against the counter, trapped, his hands coming to rest next to his hips on the counter.

“I like you, Rick. I like your kids. I like your cute-ass town. I like your little group.” Negan’s eyes were hooded, a wolfish smile sending a tendril of heat through Rick. The man’s hands came up to rest next to Rick’s on the counter, boxing him in, his front pressed tightly to Rick’s.

“I know you want better than this. And I can help. Join me. I need good guys like you on my side to build a better future.” Rick found himself gazing up into the man’s eyes, finding genuineness amongst the green flecks dancing in the morning sunlight streaming from the window.

“Carl can tell you. He’s been a real asset to me. And he’ll continue fight for the future. If you trust your son’s judgment, you’ll join me.” Negan’s face was so close Rick was beginning to get dizzy from the blood rushing all over his body, heart pumping furiously. It would only become apparent to him later that his rushing heart was not caused by fear. “I want to establish trade. Unite my communities. Make things better, safer than they’ve ever been since this shit all started.”

“W-why are you talking to _me_ about this?” Rick hoped his voice did not sound to Negan as weak as it sounded to himself. Negan’s eyes jumped to his lips, and back up to his blue eyes, to which Rick’s breath hitched.

Then suddenly, his presence withdrew entirely, stepping back, turning to stand next to Rick, leaning his back against the counter in the same way, the mood shifting from tense to content just like that. Rick could hear Judith’s babbles from the other room now that the blood stopped rushing through his ears.

“Because, Rick,” Negan’s head turned towards him, his face contorted into that wolfish grin yet again. “From what I’ve heard from your kid, you’re much more suited to be a leader than your guy. Your people, from what I’ve seen, respect you. And plus,” the smirk faded into sincerity, “I respect you.” Negan’s eyes never left Rick’s.

It was the kind of thing that made Rick lose his breath; the confirmation of being respected.

“So what do you say? Will you help me?”

Perhaps it was the high Rick was riding on from the closeness they had just shared, or maybe it was the fact that he was really beginning to trust Negan, but he found himself tentatively agreeing.

“I—I suppose I can… try it out.”

“Atta boy, Rick!”

“B-but there’s something you should know. People, most people, aren’t loyal to me. The Alexandrians are loyal to Shane.” At the admission, Rick’s gaze fell to the floor, remembering how trapped he felt at all times, unable to expose Shane for fear the majority of his neighbors would turn against him.

“Only my family, Michonne, Carol, Daryl, Maggie and Glenn, some others… They’d follow me. But not the others.”

Negan brushed this off.

“Are you kidding me? I know we can convince them, you and me, Rick. They’ll follow you. They don’t have to like _me_ , they just have to trust you. I bet I could convince your guy, even.” Rick’s breath hitched in fear, whether it was fear for Negan or fear for Shane, Rick’s wasn’t sure. Negan didn’t notice Rick’s reaction, his own annoyance at his own mentioning of Shane souring his talking mood. The sound of the front door slamming open then shut stunned both out of it.

As they heard footsteps make their way towards the kitchen, presumably Carl, Negan turned to Rick again, smiling to him gently.

“They’ll follow you, Rick. How couldn’t they?” The playful punch that followed caught Rick off guard.

It wasn’t too painful, Rick could attribute his flinch and hiss more to shock at the hit on his injured arm than to actual pain, but Negan noticed just as Carl entered the room, and Rick already knew this was going to be blown out of proportion.

“A-are you okay? Jesus, Rick, sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Let me see it.” Negan, for his part, looked genuinely concerned, and Carl, eggs in hand, rushed forward.

“Dad, are you okay? Is it your arm? Lift your sleeve.”

“I’m okay, it was just a surprise,” Judith made a sound of distress from the dining room, and Rick saw his way to escape the uncomfortable situation. “I’ll check on Judith.”

Free from both men's eyes, especially Negan’s, Rick felt himself relax as he rocked Judith, talking to her softly. He barely realized Negan hadn’t seemed to care about the “secret” relationship Alexandria had with Hilltop.

 

 

Negan woke to cries coming from upstairs. After realizing where he was, not at the sanctuary, but in fact, in Rick Grimes fancy home, he sat up from the couch, grumbling at the crick in his neck. Good thing Carl did _not_ enforce his threat to make Negan sleep on the floor, the couch was uncomfortable enough.

He debated what he should do. It probably wasn’t his place to comfort the girl, but he couldn’t help it, her cries both irritating him and pulling his heart strings. After a few seconds, he decided just to go for it, following the sounds up the stairs and towards the end of the hall, opening the door to see the girl in her crib, tears streaming down her face. He reached in and, as gently as he could, lifted her into his arms. She calmed down moments later, looking up at him sweetly.

God, he could get used to this. What an angel.

Rick appeared soon after, and goddamn, _he could get used to this._ It was nearly impossible not to look his fill, eyes treading up and down every inch of exposed skin. His hair was mussed from sleep, curls misshapen and messy. He was skinny, but muscular, light hair in all the right places, blush growing as Negan’s stare continued, redness traveling down to his chest. Very nice.

Rick asked for his daughter, and Negan found himself perplexed at the slight flinch on the man’s face as he lifted his daughter.

Rick set to changing and dressing her, and Negan made himself at home, wanting to soak up as much of Rick like this as he could. The mix of paternity and sexiness coming from Rick caring for his daughter while underdressed left Negan feeling homesick for his own domestic bliss. What he would do to have what Rick has. What he would do to have _Rick._

“So, let’s have that talk, then.” Goddamnit if he wasn’t going to get to see Rick like this for just a little longer. Rick’s reaction was expected though, and he was only mild disappointed that the man wanted to get some actual clothes on before he started talking.

He made his way downstairs to dress himself in yesterday’s clothes, after which he snooped around the kitchen for some food. Carl had once said Alexandria had often received a few eggs a week from Hilltop in exchange for something or other of Daryl’s hunt.

He was joined by Carl and the little angel after a few minutes of searching for food.

“Can you mash this for her?” Carl tossed him an apple, putting Judith in her chair and pushing her up to the table, before joining Negan in the kitchen and digging around the fridge. Negan made quick work of the apple, pouring the mush into a bowl and placing it in front of Judith.

“Here you are, sweetheart. Apple al la Negan.” He kissed her on the head before reentering the kitchen.

“I wonder where the eggs are. Dad never keeps the fridge organized.”

“I just looked, there aren’t any.”

Rick appeared in the doorway just then, and Negan couldn’t help having some fun, realizing Rick might be unaware of his knowledge of Alexandria’s alliance-of-sorts with Hilltop.

Carl left to get eggs, and suddenly, Negan was basically alone with Rick, again.

Of course, the thing with Hilltop didn’t really matter to Negan. So long as they didn’t feel the need to team up and fuck over the Sanctuary, this was exactly the thing Negan had plans for; trade between communities, among other things.

The pull was too strong for Negan, and he found himself getting closer and closer to the other man, his pretty blue eyes burning into Negan’s, the other man biting his lips deliciously, submissive stance only luring Negan further towards him.

God, he was beautiful. Negan had a challenging time paying any attention to his wives ever since Rick Grimes appeared in his life.

He attempted to convince Rick that people would follow him, but Rick didn’t seem too sure of himself. Each confused stare brought Negan closer and closer, face now unbearably close, breaths mingling in the air between them.

It was too much, too impossible to resist just grabbing the smaller man and taking a kiss. He stepped back and shifted next to Rick, not extinguishing the fire but quelling it for now.

“They’ll follow you, Rick. How couldn’t they?” It was rhetorical, but in a way, not. How could anyone resist following this man? From the moment Negan met him he had wanted him. And now that he’d gotten to know him a bit better, his desire to please the man, to have him, had only increased.

He only meant to punch him playfully, wanting to break up the serious moment, but Rick flinched so strongly, Negan knew he must have actually hurt him.

Carl came back, and the boy’s concern told Negan that his own concern was warranted.

But Rick just brushed him off and went to care for Judith.

 

 

After ten minutes of comforting Judith, cleaning her apple-drenched sleeves and hands, all the while Carl and Negan squabbled amusingly in the kitchen, there were all sat around the dining room table, toast and eggs divvied up and swallowed quickly. Negan reclined back in his chair, always making himself at home, Carl was absentmindedly fooling with the egg and toast crumbs left on his plate, and Rick was taking a wet towel to Judith’s still-soiled sleeves.

“So, about that talk,” Negan mentioned quietly.

“W-what? I thought… that… we had the talk?” Rick stumbled out, brows upturned.

“Yeah, well, that was part of it.”

“What? What did you guys talk about? While I was gone?” Carl seemed alarmed.

“I didn’t mention the big thing to him, keep your pants on, kid.”

“What? What big thing?” Rick was worried now.

“Don’t worry. It’s not _that_ big a deal.” Negan seemed unbothered by the matching blue eyes staring at him.

“What then?”

“Carl will be primarily at the Sanctuary. He is my right-hand man, after all.” Negan said casually, as if this wasn’t a huge wrench in Rick’s gears.

“W-what?” Rick didn’t know how to feel. On the one hand, his son and he would be apart. On the other, he was being put in charge of a lot, and the distance between Alexandria and the Sanctuary would mean that much more distance between Shane and his son. Every time Shane came home since Carl’s absence, Rick was thankful for that absence. His son was safe.

But could he bare to be apart from his son? At Rick’s anxious expression, Negan leaned forward, his face becoming serious and sincere.

“He can stay here sometimes. Whenever he wants. But this thing I’ve got plans for… it requires a lot of work. He can come and trade whenever I get that set up. And, and you could come to the Sanctuary whenever you want, Rick. Bring the baby, too.” Negan was trying everything to make this okay.

“He’ll be safe at the sanctuary, he’ll be helping me. I promise, Rick.”

Rick stared at his son, crystalline eyes searching Carl’s identical one, finding only determination.

“If that’s what he wants. I trust him.” He answered Negan, eyes never leaving Carl’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you enjoyed. I worked pretty hard on this, and I also didn;t write it at 2 am like I usually do, so the quality may have been better or maybe worse. Let me know. :) 
> 
> much lov,  
> smeag


	17. Some Action, Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl is stuck between a rock and a hard place. 
> 
> Rick and Negan's relationship changes. 
> 
> posted 1/12/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bac boiiis. i bet you're all wondering what will hapen this chapter. well i dont even know because i just wrote it really fast so it might be terrible but i'm trying my hardest so please enjoy.

Carl couldn’t keep straight what was going on in his head. He trusted Negan, sure. More than he trusted most people, and especially more than he trusted Shane, but… It was the fear of the unknown ramifications that left him silent.

The drive back to the Sanctuary was quiet; on Carl’s part because he was thinking. Leaving his father yet again made him feel sick, knowing Shane would be back eventually, and he wouldn’t be there to protect him. The work he had been doing was important, yes, but nothing was more important that his sister and his father. He needed to tell Negan.

But he wasn’t stupid. He knew the original Alexandrians wouldn’t be keen on any other leader than Shane. He had won their loyalty with his politics and brashness, his pension for mob-mentality that the Alexandrians were so prone to. Carl recalls how it grew, speeches and empty gestures that Shane often produced winning over the mindless crowds, already swayed towards him based on their former leader’s unwitting trust of the man. Carl since regarded Dianna as an unimaginably stupid individual, unable to see past the cracking mask Shane put up, believing him to be good for her community, not realizing he was probably the worst person she could have entrusted her people to.

Since Dianna’s passing, it was like the people of Alexandria became dependent on Shane, like at that moment when they discovered Dianna didn’t survive the invasion and subsequent walker infestation, the people were drained of all hope. Until Shane swooped in and manipulated them too. Manipulated them into holding out hope, for Shane. Carl’s hands tightened into fists just thinking about it. They wouldn’t care if Shane killed Rick, and if they did, he would just talk his way out of it.

So yes, there could be serious repercussions if Negan were to decide to take action against Shane, he’d probably kill him, and Carl wasn’t sure if Negan would want to expend any of his fighting resources to stop a civil war of sorts from breaking out in Alexandria when the people fought for Shane, which they inevitably would, Carl was sure.

It was like a cult. He had indoctrinated them, and now he was always out scavenging, basically cementing himself as a martyr in their minds. If Carl told Negan, would he be willing to put his own people on the line? Carl doubted it.

He couldn’t kid himself. What they had was nice, but it wasn’t risk-your-life-and-resources nice. Still, he couldn’t bear his father being in the position he was in now. Who knows what Shane had been doing to him.

But what if Rick and Judith were killed in the fights that were sure to break out after Negan killed Shane?

Carl stared out the window, thankful that the man beside him was quiet for once.

What could he do?

Carl doubted he knew the extent of it, but he couldn’t bear his thoughts to venture far enough to think on what the entirety of the situation could entail. Thinking anything like _that_ could happen to his father, it was unimaginable. Rick wouldn’t, couldn’t let something like that happen to him, and it was inconceivable that anything of that nature was happening. But the thoughts sometimes poked into his consciousness; these thoughts would fester, distracting him, prohibiting him from working. He would take too long breaks just to reassure himself that there was some way out of what he thought his father was subjected to.

But what could he do? He felt so tied. On the one hand, he wanted to see Shane die. Just for the little things he had done to his father since the night they left Hershel’s farm. For the inconsiderate behavior, the lack of respect, and the manipulative domination Shane would partake in surreptitiously; the ever-increasing displays of violence and perversion he reserved for Rick, and the fact that Shane was a shit-for-brains leader of their group. But on the other hand, if riots broke out at Alexandria if Negan saw fit to eliminate Shane, Carl didn’t know if the man would be willing to quell them by risking his own militia, or if he would just let it play out and swoop in after the fact and continue with his plans. The latter seemed like a smarter idea, but Carl couldn’t predict the unpredictable, as was Negan’s behavior.

Sure, Rick and his family could probably stand against the attack, but at what cost? He needed Negan to be willing to stabilize Alexandria.

These thoughts spinning in his head, he didn’t realize they had arrived at the Sanctuary until Negan stopped the car.

“Negan—“ He stopped the man, grabbing his arm before he could exit, “What do you think of Rick? Of my family?”

Though he was well aware of Negan’s physical attraction to his father, be it sincere or not, he had seen a little glimpse of something during their stay. Something… Kind.

Negan smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners, “I like ‘em.”

He leaned back, taking his hand off the car door latch, putting both hands behind his head to cradle it against the headrest. He stared out the windshield wistfully, and Carl couldn’t help but notice how genuine he seemed.

“I like ‘em a lot.” He huffed a little, still smiling, “C’mon, kiddo, let’s go.” And with that, he left Carl alone in the car.

Carl swallowed tightly, the only sounds were the gravel crunching under Negan’s feet, fading as he continued towards the living quarters, and the crickets in the surrounding brush, muffled by the car.

He seemed to genuinely like his family, but did he like them enough? Carl soon followed Negan, heading to his room silently, deciding to forgo dinner. He would have to do something soon. There was no harm in asking the man himself, was there? So long as he didn’t let it slip that Shane needed to be gone before he was certain Negan would be prepared to help stabilize Alexandria afterwards. And until then, he would just visit his father every day. Negan had said he could, anyway, and if Shane were to return, Carl’s presence would be enough to deter him from mistreating Rick, Carl was sure.

But still, a careful discussion would have to occur with Negan at some point.

 

 

“This route is fucked up right here, there’s no way around the road,” Negan got up bright and early, feeling reinvigorated after the visit to Alexandria. He went straight to the cafeteria, sitting with a few of his best guys who he’d assigned on the trade route plans, discussing it with them in between bites of egg. It wasn’t nearly as good as yesterday’s breakfast; same eggs, but different people, but just the pleasant memory was enough to keep him satisfied. “Try rerouting through here, then you can be closer to the Kingdom, and Hilltop wouldn’t have to drive as far out to get there.” He pointed on the crude map in front of him. New roads were a heavy undertaking, but if this worked, the indirect roads that were utilized now could be ignored in favor of new roads that would connect all communities more efficiently, cutting some groups’ travel times by as much as an hour and a half, reducing gas usage and exposure risks.

“That’s pretty good, and then there’s this area,” the man next to him, Rob, said, pointing to an area adjacent to the spot Negan had just gestured to, “Right here, we can pave and it’ll cut out this half-mile stretch right there.”

As absorbed as he was, he couldn’t help but look around for Carl. Unlike Negan, the kid never ate in his room, though Negan made sure he knew it was one of his many privileges to. He opted instead to eat in the cafeteria. Since Negan almost always ate in his rooms with one of his wives, he didn’t know where the kid usually sat.

His wives were becoming less and less of a pleasure, and more of a distraction. Though he appreciated them, he found himself avoiding them more and more. And so here he was in the cafeteria.

He turned towards the kiddie table just on a hunch, he hardly expected to see Carl leaving it, tossing his dishes on the cleaning rack and leaving the cafeteria towards the living quarters.

The table was full of annoying kids, cute, but obnoxious as all hell. Negan approached, unbelieving that Carl had been sitting with these kids every day, but when he saw Little Gordito, the kid Carl had a soft spot for since he got here, it all made sense.

“Hey,” He crouched down in front of the boy, “Did Carl tell you where he was headed to so fast?”

Gordito looked startled, his eyes widening in his chubby face.

“Mr. Grimes said he was going home to visit his daddy.” He answered reluctantly.

Negan stood suddenly. The kid was going back already? Negan had just a flicker of a thought that he was going back for good, but then he looked at the kid still sat at the table in front of him.

“Did he say goodbye? Did he give you a hug?”

The kid just shook his head.

So he wasn’t going to stay home… at least not for long, otherwise he surely would have given his little friend an actual goodbye… Right?

But why was he going back so soon after just having been there? Negan sprang forward, following the same way Carl had gone.

 

“You didn’t have to come, you know.” Carl only seems slightly annoyed, but Negan can also sense some reluctant relief in there as well.

“Yeah well, this is my nice car. Maybe I don’t feel safe with a one-eyed dumbass kid like you driving it alone all the way to Alexandria.” Maybe he just didn’t want to leave the kid alone, and maybe he wanted to see Rick and Judith again. Maybe he wanted this, but why tell the kid that? Fucking cheesy.

“M’not a dumbass, dumbass…” Carl mumbled under his breath, flicking his long hair out of his eye exasperatedly.

Negan just smirked.

“I’m going to be making this drive almost every day, so you better get comfortable with the idea of me driving there.” Negan saw determination in the half of his face he could see. So he had planned to come every day. It made sense. Negan wished he could make the drive every day. Just to check up on everything… And everyone… especially Rick…

“Well, maybe I’ll join you.” At Carl’s incredulous stare, he defended himself, “Well, not every day! But Alexandria is, you know, one of my most ornery communities. They need constant surveillance, especially with your dumbass leader gone all the time. That’s all. And—“

Negan put his seat back, leaning back into it and closing his eyes, hands behind his head, “I did say that I like your family, didn’t I? Maybe I want to see them.” Screw it. Who cares if he sounds like a cheesy little bitch right now?

Carl didn’t say anything, and the silence left Negan drifting off to sleep.

This trip would be the first of many over the next few weeks.

 

 

Rick was shocked, to say the least, when his son and Negan arrived for a visit the next day. Rick was only half-convinced that yesterday was real, but Carl showing up yet again confirmed it, in fact, was.

The visits only kept coming after that. Carl came almost every day, and at least twice a week, his stays ranging from as short as a half an hour to as long as an extended afternoon. And often times, Negan would be with him. Rick was beyond happy to have his son back with him after such a long time of absence, and Rick became more and more accustomed to Negan presence, surprisingly. He had to wonder if Carl’s work was suffering because of all these visits though.

“No, I mostly get all the mapwork done beforehand, and I usually only have to visit Hilltop, and since it’s closer here than from Sanctuary, it’s fine.” Carl was quick to reassure him. “If I have to go to the Kingdom, it’s just a few hours longer, and I just leave here earlier. It’s fine, dad. We’re just working on the paperwork and planning type stuff right now, so it’s fine.” It always filled Rick with a sense of pride, knowing his son was involved so intrinsically. More often than not, they talked about his work over lunch. Rick was happy to make something that wasn’t mashed baby food for once, though he had never been that great of a cook. And the company was a relief as well. A lot of his family was busy at Hilltop these days, and Carol and Daryl had been living at the Kingdom for a few weeks now, and he’d been busy trying to run things as best he could without Shane, so he’d had little-to-no company to sit and talk with.

Negan provided good company also, strangely enough. And it should be noted, their relationship was strange enough. After the first visit, the heat between them had only grown. It was new, it felt good, but Rick knew it was wrong. If things were different, if Shane was… not the way he was, maybe Rick could…

It was all hot looks and lingering brushes, hands swiftly grazing shoulders, hips, and wrists, eyes locked intensely. Negan never made a move beyond that, and neither did Rick. He just couldn’t.

It wasn’t just that he was with Shane, it was that he was… Used. Maybe it was a silly thing to think, but every time Rick looked in the mirror after a shower, he only saw a used body, tainted and bruised. Even now, it had been several weeks since Shane’s last return, several weeks since he had been beaten, his bruises faded and lacerations scarred over, he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror without saying “You’re used, you’re broken. No one would want you if they knew,” or some variation. He held back for these reasons. The fear of Shane finding out and what he would do if/when he did kept Rick up at night, and a mix of all these factors held Rick back from acting on any feelings for Negan that had been growing inside him. He often lamented the moments of his day that left him breathless, Negan doing little things that made Rick’s heart stop; every time he held Judith, looking at her with adoration, the two had grown closer each visit, there were times Negan looked to Rick with much the same expression, probing conversation never surpassing Rick’s level of comfort, but with each question, opening him up in a way that left him feeling exposed and vulnerable. And in some conversations, the same happened with Negan. He opened up too. Rick didn’t want to admit it, but he could feel himself falling.

But one day, after countless visits from the man nearly every day, Rick fell in.

They were talking about something inconsequential, Rick couldn’t even remember what. It was light-hearted, they were alone in the hallway, Carl had taken Judith out, and without Rick realizing, the conversation drew them closer, well, drew Negan closer, backing Rick up into the wall until he was trapped.

“Yeah, I didn’t know what happened after I caught it. At some point the whole team signed it, but the hit to the head left me dizzy.” Negan was grinning, leaning in, eyes hooded, gaze switching between Rick’s lips and his eyes.

Rick found _himself_ getting dizzy, brows upturned as he felt the heat coil in his gut at the situation he was in. He barely had the mind to think about the repercussions of this. It felt so good to indulge the tension that had been building between them, but it didn’t change the fact that Shane would find out. And if Negan found out what he was? What would happen to _them?_ Was there even a _them?_ Was this just sexual attraction Negan had towards him, no emotions attached? Because it was _not_ like that for Rick. He wanted more than anything to nurture these feelings for Negan, feelings that had begun from the moment he’d first visited him.

“Y-yeah, I didn’t go to baseball games, much.” He whispered, his breath coming out hot between them.

“Yeah? I went all the time. Didn’t matter which team,” Negan was so close, that insufferable grin still splitting his attractive face, “I’d watch ‘em all.”

They were immeasurably close, Negan’s hands against the wall, resting next to Rick’s head. The taller man leaned down even further, and Rick could nearly feel his beard against his chin.

“A-ah. I-I see—“ He was interrupted by a kiss.

He saw it from a mile away, but the first moment Negan’s lips touched his still surprised him, and he felt all rational thought leave his head. Shane, his insecurities, contemplations on what their relationship was _, everything_ fell away. And with nothing on his mind but Negan’s lips on his, he leaned into it, hands slowly reaching up to tangle into the taller man’s hair, small sounds between them that Rick was shocked to realize were coming from his own throat interspersed throughout the moment as he kissed back.

Oh god, it was nice. He couldn’t worry about the consequences now, head only filled with _Negan_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for the lovely comments on my last chap. I worked p hard on it and so to know you enjoyed it really inspired me to get this chap out. 
> 
> Recently i have been getting a lot of comments asking for the climax to just happen already and I'm really trying to get it to happen, but the way I write these chapters is just off the top of my head, and I just see where that takes me. Kind of like a stream of consciousness thing. so I can't necessarily just write it out when i feel like it's not time yet. I JUST CANT I"M SORRY! please be patient and I swear it will happen... eventually. 
> 
> much love and hope you enjoyed,  
> -smeag


	18. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Negan become more acquainted.
> 
> Shane returns.
> 
> Posted 1/17/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo I'm back. I tried really hard with this chap and I hope you guys like it. I'm trying to keep the main plot in mind and keep it moving along and stuff. Thank you everyone for you wonderful comments and suggestions on the last chap. I will try to incorporate some of them into future chapters.

It was time to come back home. After weeks, months, of following some misguided sense of martyrdom, Shane realized he’d have to come home with not nearly as much as he’d wanted.

“Shit.” He straightened up from his task of pulling walker parts out from where they had gotten stuck after he hit a few full-force at 70 miles an hour, their bones crunching and wedging under the wheel guards, grinding against the wheels when he tried to move forward.

While he wasn’t complete unaware of where he was, he’d been going in circles, and had gotten turned around a few times. He meant to get back sooner, but he was determined to stop at every place he happened across that looked like it might provide some supplies, unwilling to return home with the meager amount he had collected, especially because this was the longest he had been out and it was annoying to think he’d return home only to not impress.

“Goddamnit.” He’d been out too long, clearly. His face was scruffy beyond what was comfortable, and his hair had grown nearly past his ears, perpetually sweat-filled and itchy. More than just looks, Shane could feel himself slipping.

Being alone, he decided after the first few weeks, wasn’t for him. He liked to think he was great with people, and able to form wonderful relationships with meaning and life. He’d had that with Lori, and now, he had that with Rick.

“Oh god.” Rick. Just the thought had his blood boiling, either in desire or anger, he wasn’t sure. He wiped his filthy hands on his pants, and reentered the car. He needed to make it to some sort of carpark soon, or a gas station, or just some convenience store where he could siphon some gas.

Being alone had given him time to think. More time than he’s ever had. Even on his previous trips, he always made an effort to return after a while, before his incessant itch to right things had chased him back out again.

Rick always made him mad. Furious, even. Even when they were friends, Shane can remember little moments, little vignettes when he would stop laughing at whatever joke one of them had just told, both bored from sitting on patrol in their cop-car. He’d look over at Rick, the shorter man’s eyes still closed, small bursts of laughter shaking his frame. The sight filled him with anger.

Because if he was honest with himself, he wanted Rick. But more than that, he wanted to _be_ Rick.

Ever since he’d met the man, he was intrigued. It was unfair that Rick was so likeable. Part of him wanted to kill the guy, but another part of him wanted more than anything to please him. To have him. To be him.

And when he was shot, laid up in the hospital at the beginning of the end, Shane had a chance to do just that. He took Lori and Carl. Did his best to take Rick’s place. But not as a substitute, but rather, as a replacement. He tried so hard.

But Rick came back. That motherfucker always found a way to come back. And he just kept pushing Shane away. It could’ve all been his, but Rick came back, and it hurt.

It hurt so much he snapped.

And suddenly, he got his way. He got Rick, and effectively _became_ Rick, the leader, the shot-caller, only better. The Alexandrians followed him, and Rick and the rest of them followed him.

He’d gotten everything he’d ever wanted only to have it threatened. By Negan. The threat made him realize how much he didn’t want to lose what he had. It was only a few days before he came to the revelation that Rick’s intrinsic likeability had effected even him. Severely.

And he’d left him. Deep down he knew that their relationship was born from a dark place, but now, he could feel how strong it was. How much Rick had come to care for him, too. And he’d left him vulnerable to Negan. He would not allow his family to be taken away. He would not allow anyone to hurt Rick. He’d kill anyone who tried. He loved him.

He stopped suddenly, brakes squealing, and turned into a convenience store. He checked all the cars, but there was no sign of fuel.

With little-to-no hope, he got back in, and started forward again.

He was anxious to return.

 

 

“She’s too hot, I think.” Negan was holding a fussing Judith, her face was red with anger, but she hadn’t started screaming… yet. Rick was preparing dinner as best he could, ignoring, for the most part, the man behind him and the fuming child in his arms.

Several days had passed since the kiss. At first, it was awkward, with Rick avoiding Negan’s eyes the next time he came over. But when he and Carl were about to leave for the night, Rick had pulled Negan aside, and, red-faced and nervous, pecked him on the lips chastely. Afterwards, Negan was the one who was red-faced, even if it was only a slight thing and was accompanied by a smug grin.

Since then, there have been a total of three kisses shared between them, each only slightly less awkward than the previous.

It left Rick giddy and breathless each time.

Since that first kiss, Negan had been over each day, sometimes coming even when Carl couldn’t, as he was today.

“What even is this? It’s like a strait jacket for babies or something.” Negan said, still trying to hush Judith.

“It’s a onesie. And she’d just hungry and being ornery about it.” Rick brushed him off, a laugh nearly bubbling up as he did so. This domesticity… Rick could get used to.

“This doesn’t look comfortable. Hmm? Are you hot?” The taller man wondered off, swaying the girl in his arms around the kitchen and through the dining room.

“I thought kids stopped wearing onesies when they start standing up. You’re a big girl now. How’s about I find you some big girl clothes? Would you like that sweetheart?” Rick could hear the man as he wondered off.

It filled him with a tearful -sweet tingle when Negan got so involved with Judith. The man was already very close with Carl, and it seemed now he had stolen Judith’s heart too.

Rick smiled as he mixed some food for Judith.

Yes, he could get used to this.

They enjoyed a nice dinner together. As nice as it could be, what with Rick’s somewhat ineptitude in the kitchen.

Afterwards, after Negan had left, Rick wandered the wall from the inside, a part of his daily responsibilities he placed on himself in Shane’s absence. Most days, he had a hard time walking this route without getting glares from the neighborhood.

The Alexandrians weren’t exactly happy Rick was so buddy-buddy with “the enemy.” They never acted out, however, and Rick attributed this to the fact that Gabe, Aaron and Eric, Rosita and Abraham were still a very powerful and supportive presence, what with many of Rick’s family now occupied at Hilltop or the Kingdom.

 

The next time Negan visited, he brought with him a huge array of clothes. Little pink and blue dresses with frills and lace and cute little blue jeans and t-shirts. Rick was so stunned and tearfully grateful he forgot to even ask where Negan had gotten them.

 

After piling the outfits up in Judith’s room, too many to fit in her closet, Rick had caught Negan’s arm just before he left.

“Thank you.” He said sincerely, brows upturned and eyes shiny, hands coming up to rest around the taller man’s neck.

“Of course, Rick. Anything for your little angel.” Negan’s hands came to rest around Rick’s waist, the heat radiating from his palms comforting. “Anything for you.” The smirk his lips formed only served to ignite a grin on Rick’s face.

 

 

“No, no, no, goddamnit!” He was out of gas. He’d found the road back, it looked vaguely recognizable, but after sputtering and running on fumes for what seemed like hours, his car was now unusable unless he found some fuel, a task he had found no luck in.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” He pounded his fists against the steering wheel furiously.

He would have to walk back. He figured it was about a three hours’ drive from here, so he had a long walk ahead of him. He’d have to take what supplies he could carry, then circle back once he got home to get the rest and hope no one else would break into the trunk in the time it took him to do so.

“I’m coming, Rick. I’m coming.”

It was late-afternoon. He should probably spend the night in the car, then start walking first thing tomorrow. But he just couldn’t wait any longer.

“I’m coming. I’m coming!” It became a chant soon enough, said under his breath raspingly.

Several times throughout his walk he had to stop and rest, the weight of his pack and extra supplies burning his muscles. Only a few times did he encounter the dead, a straggler or two wandering the woods alone, drawn out by his noisy steps and furious chanting under his breath.

It must have been close to midnight when he finally saw the gate in the distance.

He must have looked worse than he thought, because Eugene up at the top of the gate startled when he saw him. Another was with him, Dave or something, who also looked shocked to see him, but underlying the shock, Shake could see relief. Good. He barely remembered the guy’s name, but he was one of Shane’s staunch supporters, he remembered. Always rallying behind him at any decision. He was almost a kiss-up, which would be annoying, if it wasn’t so advantageous for Shane.

“S-Shane! Uhh, Sir, you’re back!” The portly man stuttered as he opened the gate. Shane marched through, his eyes taking in briefly the town lit by the moon.

“Anything to report?” He said gruffly to the mulled-haired man.

“N-no s-sir! There’s nothing that I wish to discuss with you! Pardon me, p-please.” And with that, he ran off, bounding to the far side of town hurriedly.

Shane just stared perplexedly after him.

He put down his pack, rubbing his sore shoulders minutely before the sound of feet hitting pavement made him turn.

“Good to have you back, sir. There’s something you should know.” Dave said, his face smug.

 

 

 

“That was pretty fucking good, Rick. You’re getting better.” Negan was on his way out. Food devoured, dishes washed and dried, Judith asleep, and Rick’s lips sufficiently kiss-bruised, Negan saw fit to leave the man to his own devices for the night. Unless he should invite him to stay, but Negan made a point to never impose like that.

It was just plain rude and not to mention creepy. He never was one to creep, but after an essential visit to the Kingdom and a chat with one of Rick’s friends… well, now he had even more incentive to act in line, not that he would ever imagine otherwise, but… Jesus, Rick sure had some scary friends.

 

“You better watch yourself. Or I’m coming for you.”

Carol was scary as hell. Probably even scarier than Michonne, which was something Negan didn’t think possible. Where Michonne was dangerous, her dangerous beauty gave warning, but with Carol… She didn’t look dangerous at all. After Manny ran out of apples, Negan followed his guy to the Kingdom, just to make sure his fair-trade plans were being adhered to.

Carol was there, living like a bit of a recluse. Negan didn’t ask. Barely could get a word in edgewise.

Apparently, Carl had let it slip that Negan was spending a lot of time with Rick. Negan hoped he didn’t mention any of the… other things they did together than just spend time. Namely, the heavy kissing. But apparently, Carol didn’t even need to know that to tear him a new one.

“I’m not going to hurt him. I like the guy! You saw how I returned his kid.”

“Yeah, after you stole him away in the first place!”

She had a good point. But still, he was trying to clean up his act.

“Okay. Okay. If I fuck up, you can… hell, you can kill me!” As if he would actually intentionally hurt Rick.

Yeah, _not_ going to happen.

 

 

So here he was, ready to leave respectfully because he was a gentleman, but the added threat of Carol’s wrath was a nice little incentive.

It sure was a shame to leave, those blue eyes staring up at him, cheeks red and demeanor shy.

“I’m glad you liked it.” Rick smiled up at him, his short frame rested against the doorway, plaid sleeves rolled to elbows and a dish towel draped behind his shoulder, the picture-perfect domestic father. God, he was hot.

“If you let me know when you think you’ll be coming next time, I’d have more time to prepare the ingredients and all that.” He leaned up, cerulean eyes closing as he planted a kiss on Negan’s lips. “I could make sure it’s even better.” He said silkily. The dark night and full moon seemed to have evaporated the man’s shyness.

Rick Grimes would be the death of him.

He chuckled smoothly, his demeanor darkening to match Rick’s. “Hmm. I’ll be back next week.”

“Hmm. Next week? You’ll be busy these next few days?”

“I have a lot to do with this roadwork stuff. But yeah.” Negan took ahold of Rick’s hand, his thumb rubbing soothingly on the top of it.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Negan leaned down to kiss him once more, stopping and pulling away suddenly, “Maybe you and Judy could come to the Sanctuary for a bit. I’d show you around. You could see what kinda stuff Carl’s been busy with. What do you say?”

“Well…” Rick seemed to regain his timidity, blushing and looking down at their interlocked hands.

“How about just a maybe?” Negan didn’t want to pressure him into anything, but really, there was nothing to worry about. Surely Rick could venture away from Alexandria for one afternoon. What could happen in a few hours?

“Okay. Maybe.”

Satisfied, Negan kissed him chastely once more, loving the feel of Rick’s lips against his.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.” Rick smiled breathlessly, and Negan left, leaving the front porch, turning around to see Rick still standing there, his form framed by the light spilling out color into the dark, black night. He made his way towards the parking area where he left his car.

The man atop the gate, some Alexandrian he hadn’t bothered to learn the name of, stared at him as he left through the gate.

 

 

“He betrayed you. And people are talking, saying he and that prick are going to take control of the town.”

The words were unthinkable. But what reason would Dave have to lie? Shane stood stock still, the anger boiling its way throughout his skin, listening to the man in front of him.

“And your boy. That prick has essentially taken him too. He’ll be against you, no doubt.”

No.

“He’s been in your house. For hours at a time sometimes. They’re plotting against you and laughing behind your back at you while they do it.”

No.

“I’ve seen them together. They always look _… satisfied_ , when he leaves, if you catch my meaning.”

This can’t be happening. Shane could feel his brain melting, his chest shaking. It was only after a few minutes that he realized he was full-on _growling._

No. This cannot happen.

No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. please leave a kudos, and comment any thoughts, likes/dislikes with this story so far. I will try to update soon. Classes just started again and I have a very full schedule, so bear with me. I had a lot of free time this past half-month, but I may not be able to keep that upload scheme anymore. Regardless, I will do my best to update as soon as I can. 
> 
> thanks for reading <3  
> -smeag


	19. It Comes to a Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The culmination of Rick's torture, Carl's incessant concern, and Negan's cluelessness.
> 
> Posted 1/18/18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up pimps. Im back. Fuck. Enjoy.

“I’ll bring you something better next time.”

Daryl was looking down, ruddy hair ruffled and sweaty, demeanor small and shy but physical presence the exact opposite, seemingly embarrassed at the small offering of a rabbit from his hunt, the little creature the only thing he had to offer her at the moment.

“No, sweetie. This was wonderful. Thank you.” Carol couldn’t put any burden on the man. After leaving Alexandria, she had finally found some semblance of peace in the Kingdom, in her solitary house.

She had needed this. But it still didn’t help that she felt she’d abandoned her family. That she’d abandoned Rick and Judith. It was Rick who mentioned that she and Daryl spend time at the Kingdom. He’d said it would be better for the relations between Alexandria and the Kingdom. But their relationship with the Kingdom was just fine. It had occurred to her that maybe Rick had seen her surreptitious suffering, and made his suggestion based on it. It wouldn’t surprise her; the man would rather put himself in a vulnerable position, trading away his friends, if it meant they had a chance to heal.

She still worried about Rick, though. Carl sometimes visited her since the time she had taken residence here a few weeks ago, and the way he talked about his father told Carol that Rick was doing better, and that Shane had not returned. When he’d mentioned Negan, though, that had made Carol anxious.

She couldn’t kill anymore. She couldn’t deal with the life she was living, the life Alexandria thrived on. But she still would, if Rick needed it.

She told Negan as much when he’d come to visit the Kingdom, ambushing him and demanding his audience.

In the time she had spent here, solitary and peaceful, she could feel her mind mending. Her sanity returning. Her coldness melting, and her grief for… _everything_ , finally rearing its head. She was regaining something she’d lost along the way.

And she’d always be grateful and indebted to Rick; if he needed her, she’d come.

If he needed her.

 

 

“Shane has returned! Rick!” Eugene was sprinting as fast as he could, not caring that he’d just abandoned Dave at the gate when he was supposed to be taking over the man’s shift.

“Rick!” He tried to keep his voice down, but he could hear his voice rise as the panic set in. He rounded the corner, the light spilling out of Rick’s front door catching his eye, the man’s form haloed by the light coming from inside his house as he stood leaning against the door frame, seemingly lost in thought.

“Rick!” At his exclamation, the man looked down at him, his body straightening up, a serious look overtaking his face.

“Eugene! What’s wrong?”

Eugene was terrified of Shane. The man couldn’t recognize intelligence if it hit him in his sorry excuse for a head, and he carried an over-inflated sense of self. Eugene recognized that he also probably held himself in too high esteem, but at least he had the brains to back it up.

“Shane’s back!” Rick was alright, in his book. While he also couldn’t see Eugene’s obvious mental superiority, the man had at least some intelligence of his own, and when he acted without it, he acted with compassion and heroism. He was a lot like Abraham in that way.

“W-what?” Rick’s eyes widened, and he stepped back as if the information physically hurt him.

Eugene knew leadership by Rick would be far better compared to leadership under Shane. Plus, he’d seen the way Negan and Rick have looked at each other ever since Negan returned Carl. One could call the way Eugene acted “loyalty”, but he preferred to think of it as self-interest.

“He’s just arrived, and he—“

“RICK!”

They both turned to look into the night as Shane’s furious form barreled forward, illuminated by the pale moonlight.

Eugene scurried off.

 

 

Carl was pacing. Had been for what felt like hours. He barely left his rooms the whole day, not even to venture to Alexandria to see his family. He told Negan he was too busy to go.

“Ah, that’s my boy. Hard at work. Well… See ya!”

Carl presumed Negan was just going to go about his daily routine, not realizing he would _go to Alexandria himself,_ as Manny had mentioned when he snuck down to get lunch.

Things were changing. Carl saw it. Negan… clearly had feelings for his father. Carl wasn’t sure the nature of these feelings, and he didn’t particularly want to think about it, but things were coming to a head.

He had to tell him.

But he couldn’t.

But he had to.

Back and forth, he had been going on with himself, all day.

“Shit. Mmmm-no.” He was going to go bald with the amount he’d been pulling and tugging his hair.

“Oh god.” He was getting a headache, and worst of all, he was getting worked up. He could feel tears of frustration burning behind his eyeball, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of his situation, or because of the mere thought of his father’s situation.

He would have to trust Negan.

 

When the man finally arrived back, slamming the door to his own rooms loudly, Carl had jumped up suddenly, not caring that he had fallen asleep on the floor sometime while waiting, and stumbled out of his room and across the hall, not bothering to knock. It must have been around two in the morning, he blearily guessed.

“Negan.” He must have looked worse than he thought, because Negan nearly jumped when he saw him.

“Carl, what—“ Carl stumbled up to him, grabbing his shoulders, nearly matching him in height.

“I’ve got to tell you something.” He stared straight into Negan’s eyes, head pounding and heart palpitating.

“Jesus Christ kid, you don’t look so good.” Negan’s hand came up to brush away his sweaty hair, and Carl could feel the tears blur his vision.

“Negan—!”

“Okay! Sit down, here, tell me.” He guided Carl to the couch, and he was struck with how familiar the situation was, circumstances very different from the last time, but somehow the same: with Carl sat next to Negan on his couch, trying to save… Everything.

“I-I…” He knew what to say, but the words were getting caught in his throat, stuck behind the huge ball forming and tightening at each second, his eye filling farther, obscuring his sight almost entirely.

“Hey… What is it?” Negan leaned down, looking up at Carl, eyes now framed concernedly by his brows.

“I-I-I…” Carl could feel himself about to lose it, head spinning, thoughts now turning vicious at how weak he was acting.

“Hey!” Negan grabbed him by the face, his large hand gripping his jaw firmly. “You can tell me.”

“S-S-Shane!” He blurted out, breaths rasping painfully around the lump in his throat, tears spilling from his eye and down his face, falling onto Negan’s hand.

Negan let go slowly, and leaned back, staring at Carl with alarm now.

“What? Tell me!”

“H-h-he’s no good!” Carl was full-on sobbing now. He only had a second to be ashamed of it before he was pulled into an embrace, his form now crushed against Negan’s, face pressed into the man’s shoulder, muffling his sobs.

Negan didn’t say anything, so Carl continued.

“H-he hurts ‘im, and, and, he’s violent!” He managed, words broken up by sobs.

He gripped the back of Negan’s shirt desperately, begging him silently. His sobs ceased, and he breathlessly whispered out, at last:

“I think he raped my dad.”

 

Negan was furious. Carl felt it. He couldn’t see the man’s face, hidden as he was in his shoulder, but the elevated breathing and violent shaking told Carl enough.

After finally saying it, making not only himself fully vulnerable but also his father, Carl lost track of what happened next. At some point, Negan had left him, but not before crushing him to his side again, his hand pressing Carl so close, before leaving in a rush.

Carl was left on the couch, still in Negan’s room, staring blankly ahead. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but at some point, his tears dried and his sobs stopped.

He chased after Negan, stopping only to grab a gun and Negan’s favorite weapon from the man’s dresser drawer before running to the carpark, hoping to catch him. He knew Negan would go batshit, head to Alexandria, and do who-knows-what, and Carl had to be with him.

Outside, it was nearly daybreak, the sky still dark above, but fading into a soft yellow around the horizon in preparation for the sun’s arrival.

He came upon the carpark, breathless from running. There was no one.

“Shit.” He raced towards the shed on the other side of the lot, throwing the door open and searching for the keys. He hadn’t been allowed to drive the Subaru, but it was the fastest car they had. The keys were missing, and Carl realized Negan must have taken it for that very reason. He grabbed the next best ones and headed out, stopping only minutely for Gerard, one of the gate-guards, to lazily open the fence, the man’s half-asleep state making him unconcerned as to why Carl was leaving so early.

“Shit, shit, SHIT.” He slammed on the gas pedal, and ripped out away from the Sanctuary towards Alexandria.

 

 

Rick awoke slowly, sluggishly. He’s forgotten what it felt like to wake up in such pain. It took him a minute to remember what happened hours previous.

 

“Rick!”

“S-Shane!” Rick didn’t get a chance to react when he was punched in the face, the force of it swinging his head around and slamming it into the door frame. He could feel blood pouring from his nose.

Shane hardly ever hit his face anymore. It was always where no one could see it nowadays. The blow to the face left him dazed. He stumbled back, clutching weakly at his nose, his good arm supporting him u against the door frame.

Shane pushed him roughly into the house, tripping him. Rick fell over, crawling backwards, trying to escape.

“S-S-Shane! Stop! W-Why?!” The larger man slammed the front door behind him loudly, and Rick’s stomach flipped when Judith’s cries could be heard from upstairs.

“Sha—“

“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, RICK!” Shane got on top of him, hoisting his torso up violently by the collar of his shirt, before raining punches down on his face.

Rick felt his lip split, his vision became red, literally, red, and he realized a blood vessel must have popped in his eye. He was powerless to stop the barrage of punches, struggling to get away, but trapped under Shane’s hulking frame.

“I GAVE YOU FUCKING EVERYTHING!” At some point, the punches stopped. Rick was too dazed for a minute to see what happened next.

Shane unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down to expose Rick’s skinny legs, tearing them when they got caught on the way down.

Rick yelped, but Shane gripped his neck with his other hand, pushing him down and nearly cutting off his air supply.

“No, no, no, NO!” Rick mouthed, unable to scream.

Shane pulled himself out, sickeningly hard despite Rick’s suffering, or, as Rick gruesomely realized, hard _because_ of it.

When he pushed himself in, no lubrication or preparation to ease the way, it was actually the least shocking bit of what had happened so far; Rick felt ready to vomit at the thought.

Shane began pushing in and pulling out roughly, pitoning his hips hard enough to bruise.

Rick’s face was still bleeding, and he eventually lost consciousness.

In his mind, he was fine. But he wasn’t alone. He was sitting at a table in the middle of Alexandria, all his friends littered in the seats around it. Judith was on his lap, and Carl had a hand on his shoulder, leaning in and making funny faces at his sister. Negan was on his other side, one hand on Rick’s knee and the other entwined with Rick’s own hand.

Everyone was eating. Michonne, Maggie, Glenn, Abraham, Aaron and Eric, Daryl, Carol, everyone. Rick couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were laughing and smiling.

It was peaceful.

 

 

 

He didn’t want to wake up, the pain in his neck and face and shooting up his spine only making him wish for that dream even more.

A sharp kick to his leg jolted him, and he opened his eyes as best he could through the swollenness to see Shane towering over him. He was still in between the entrance-way and the living room where he had fallen last night. Immediately, he was worried about Judith. He couldn’t hear her crying anymore. The rays coming in through the windows told him it was probably very early in the morning. He could feel that his pants were haphazardly pulled back up, covering everything but still sliding down.

“Get up, you sack of shit. There’s someone here to see you.” Shane glared down at him, but what worried Rick the most, was the smug look underlying the harsh grin. At Shane’s head movement, Rick gingerly turned as best he could towards the living room.

Negan was unconsciously slumped over in one of the dining room chairs. An Alexandrian, Dave or something, was tying him up. Rick could see a trail of thick blood leading down the side of Negan’s head, and panic set in.

He could feel his adrenalin spiking, but the pain of everything kept him incapacitated on the floor. He heard Shane’s laughter.

“This piece of shit, and you? Really, Rick? What did I tell you?” Shane approached him, a grin twisting his face as he rounded on Rick like a snake on its prey.

“What did I keep fucking telling you?!” He came to stand next to Rick’s head.

Seconds of silence ticked by. All Rick could feel was his own heart beat in his ears, and his rasping, labored breaths tearing through his throat. Shane lifted his booted foot to rest on top of Rick’s chest, pressing down painfully until Rick could swear he felt his eyes bulging out from the pressure, managing to only weakly paw at Shane’s boot with his arm. Shane’s smile only widened, and he leaned down, sneering at Rick.

“I told you, _I own you_.” He whispered menacingly.

Rick heard laughter from beside him, and from between Shane’s legs he saw Dave move to lean against the window next to the front door, seemingly settling in to enjoy the show.

Rick didn’t know how long it continued, with each second passing, the boot getting heavier and heavier on his chest, until the front door burst open, and Rick’s heart clenched in panic at the sight of his son, brandishing Negan’s favorite weapon, Lucille.

 Carl charged in, focus only on the man in front of him, rearing up to swing Lucille into Shane’s skull, but he was tackled from behind by Dave, the bat rolling forward away from his grasp.

“You fucking bastard!” The boy shrieked, eye filled with pure hatred as he struggled beneath Dave’s form.

“I’ll kill you! I fucking swear!”

Shane barely spared a glance towards the boy, all attention on Rick.

“Put him with that other piece of shit.” He told Dave, motioning towards where Negan was still unconscious. Rick felt his sanity slipping.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, Ricky boy.” Shane lowered his voice, leaning down one again. “I’m gonna kill these two, and make you watch me do it.” Rick’s eyes widened, and he tried to renew his struggles, only for Shane to press ever-harder down on his chest. “And then, I’m gonna track down your friends, kill them, and we’ll restart.” Shane’s eyes glassed over, seemingly dazed now, caught up in his own sick fantasy. “You’ll raise Judith right, not like this one,” He pointed to a still struggling Carl, who Dave was now attempting to tie up just like Negan, “And you be a good little bitch for me, just like you were meant to be.”

A groan from the previously-unconscious man startled them both, and they turned to look at Negan, who was beginning to open his eyes.

“Son of a bitch.” He blinked a few times, before realizing he was tied up. “What the fuck?” He looked up, and realization dawned on him, his face clouding over furiously as he glared at Shane.

“Hey, looks like I win this round.” Shane smirked, his foot leaving Rick’s chest as he moved closer to Negan to taunt him. “Not that there’ll be any more rounds. It’s game over for you.”

Rick struggled, turning over and coughing as he got to his knees. Negan’s attention turned to him, and their eyes met. Rick had never seen such a deep expression on the man’s face as was on it now.

Shane was looking between the two of them, his face souring.

“He’s mine.” He grabbed Rick by the neck, hoisting him up and pushing him backwards until Rick hit the wall roughly, his head temporarily dizzied by the hit. His foot brushed against Lucille where she had rolled. “He’s always been mine.” Shane smirked over at Negan before claiming Rick’s lips roughly.

Rick would be consumed, dominated entirely as he was now. His life would essentially end. His son was about to be killed. Who knows what the fate of his daughter would be now. And Negan. He would die. His friends, his family, would die.

He cracked.

The scream didn’t faze him, nor did the coppery but familiar taste of blood. The gunshot that followed soon after should have worried him, but he was only focused on the bleeding man in front of him.

He spit the chunks of flesh out, it’s rubbery consistency should have made him feel sick, but all he felt was elation at the now lipless face stumbling back away from him, blood pouring from the torn flesh.

Shane was screaming, which only served to hurt his face more, his mouth stretching open with every blood-curdling howl. He tripped over something, and fell backwards. Rick looked down and saw Lucille.

He picked up the weapon, and approached Shane. He felt stronger and more confident than he had in a long time. Both hands wrapped solidly around the bat’s handle, his injured arm not even protesting.

“R-Rick! Pheasse!” Shane’s words were jumbled, half-formed due to his damaged face. He coughed with every word, blood finding its way down his throat.

“Shut up.” Rick hit him over the shoulder, satisfied that the barbed wires were getting caught in the shredded skin. It was almost like a dream.

“R-Rick!” Shane seemed caught between fury and fear.

The former only served to make Rick more exuberant.

Shane howled in pain as the bat came down on his shoulder again, and Rick twitched when he heard a crack, no doubt Shane’s collar bone breaking. Shane fell backwards, unable to move due to the immense pain, each breath agonizing.

“ Rick! Remember w‘hut I—AHH!” He screamed again as the bat came down on his other shoulder, his words tumbling from his lipless mouth clumsily.

“Ah! Ah! Remember w‘hut I told yh‘ou!” His expression was still furious, despite the fear and pain. Rick hit him again, savoring the way the bat felt as it pounded into flesh. The blood splattering painted his face.

“I fh‘ucking own yh‘ou!” Shane shouted, his voice so loud it cracked.

Rick leaned down, eye level with Shane.

“No, you don’t.” He said mirthlessly. Shane’s eyes widened, his mouth dropped, and in that moment, he finally realized his fate.

Rick straightened up and slammed the bat down on Shane’s head, cracking his skull. Shane seemed to sit stock-still for a moment, his eyes still locked onto Rick’s, before he fell to the floor lifelessly, his prone form draped across the carpet.

Rick must have passed out at some point afterwards.

 

 

Negan, upon arriving to Alexandria, hurried toward Rick’s house. He would be here when that prick showed up again, and he’d fucking kill him. After getting an odd look from the gate guy, he parked and furiously sprinted to Rick’s house.

He should have fucking known. He couldn’t decide who he was more mad at. Himself, for not realizing, or that prick, for actually daring to hurt Rick…

Definitely that prick.

The thought alone boggled his mind. That Shane would be abusing Rick, it seemed an impossibility. Rick was a fucking saint. Truly, Shane must really be a piece of steaming shit, then.

When he got his hands on him…

He had to calm down. He didn’t want to scare Rick. Especially if what Carl had said was true. Sexual abuse was one of the worst crimes someone could commit, in Negan’s book. But victims could be scared, hurt, even ashamed at the mention. He had to be delicate. With Rick.

He didn’t even bring extra clothes with him. No big deal, he’d just get one of his guys to bring him something. He was planning on staying until that asshole came back.

He walked up to the porch, so lost in thought he forgot to knock.

The sight that greeted him made him sick to his stomach. Rick lying unconscious on the floor, bruises everywhere, _blood_ everywhere, and _Shane_ standing menacingly above him.

He felt his adrenalin rush, preparing to bash the guy’s skull in. But everything went black.

 

He woke to see Rick in much the same state. The asshole who looked at him weird from the gate was next to him. Must’ve snuck behind him and knocked him out. The kid was next to him, being tied up.

Shit.

His eyes met Rick’s bloody bruised ones. There was so much pain there, it was unbearable. Negan could hardly stand to see such pain. Especially on Rick’s face. That face should only display the brightest of smiles. Anything else was just wrong.

Negan didn’t know how he was going to get out of this one. Rick was now back against the wall, that prick all over him.

One moment Negan was practically pissing his pants worrying about what he was going to do to kill this prick, the next moment, he was nearly pissing his pants for an entirely different reason.

Rick bit off his lips and some of his cheeks. It was gruesome, gory, and fucking amazing.

Carl had managed to get an arm lose and shoot the cocksucker that had tied them up, what with him being so stunned that his leader just got his face bit off.

Negan wasn’t even mad the kid had taken his gun.

And when Rick started beating the shit out of Shane with Lucille, he was ecstatic.

Fuck. Yes.

He’d never seen such brute strength, such savagery. And all from sweet Rick.

He’d by lying if he said it wasn’t hot as hell. But now wasn’t the time. Rick, exhausted from just beating a man to death, lost consciousness. All the pain and suffering was now more obvious than ever in his limp body.

As Carl untied the ropes binding Negan, Negan lamented on the situation. Being through so much, how could Rick ever heal? As he looked at Shane’s dead body, beaten to a pulp on the floor in front of him, he got the feeling that perhaps Rick would bounce back better than he ever imagined.

Negan was determined to get him there. If Rick would have him.

The first thing he did was move Rick to the couch, with Carl’s help, carefully so as to not jostle him. He cleaned Rick’s wounds as best he could, but there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t want to leave the man, but perhaps Dr. Carson was the best option. Did he bring his walkie? He could ask Dwight to fetch him…

 He asked Carl to check on his sister as he set about getting the bodies out of the house. He didn’t care what happened to these two assholes, hell, if it was up to him he’d have thrown them off a cliff, but maybe Rick cared, so he decided to wrap them and put them outside in the backyard, hidden from the prying eyes of the Alexandrians. If Rick wanted to have a burial, then he could. Negan would respect his decision, whatever it might be.

He cleaned up the blood, didn’t let Carl come down with his sister until he was done. She didn’t need to see that. The kid had had enough after being left alone in her crib to cry for several hours.

“I’m going to check the car. Gotta radio for Dr. Carson. I’ll be right back.”

He made his way towards the car. The full weight of what had just happened fell upon him. He wanted so badly to kill Shane himself, to make him suffer for what he did to Rick, but it was only fitting that he die by the hand of the man he had tortured, Negan supposed. Still, Rick had a lot of healing to do. Negan was nervous that Rick would push him away, but, if that was the case, so be it. Just as long as Rick healed.

The sun was high in the sky now. The day was new and beautiful. It gave him hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like? or not? I am so fuckng finished. UGHHH okay, hopefully I can post again soon. there will probably be only a few chapters more, but tbh I dont know. 
> 
> Please let me know how you liked this. I hope you don;t hate it. Perhaps I will do an alt chap where other events take place, because I know a lot of you didn't really foresee this climax. Well, a user called blackkbirdss suggested this and I thought it was a really good idea so I went with it. 
> 
> please let me know  
> -smeag


	20. The Aftermath; The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath; the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Apologies it took so long to post this. I realize this might not be what everyone wants, but I think it's time for me to finish this story as it has been too crazy to keep up with, and I have lost a lot of inspiration for this pairing, and this fandom to begin with. I was unable to write because of school, and this had to be pretty much ignored because of that. Rest assured that I never forgot about you guys though, and I wanted to finish this for you. I hope this is an acceptable end. Please enjoy.

At first, there was no reprieve available beyond the sincere words and apologetic looks from his family. It meant the world to Rick, to have them there, and yet, the hole he felt in his very soul could not be filled by words alone. No worldly remedy could reconstruct his emotional outlook after the events just days prior. He sat, motionless, on the couch as things went on around him. He neglected any conversation his friends attempted, and was unable to care for his children. Subconsciously, he knew they would be taken care of by the many hands so desperate to help him recover. His mind was frozen, stuck trapped between the terror of his rape, and the horror of the events that had to take place to free him from his oppressor.

At first, there was no reprieve. But eventually, there was.

Things got better, after a few days. He would never forget it all, but he was beginning to heal. After terrible tortures just kept coming, the end of which was brought about by an infinitely more disastrous event, Rick’s mind shut down to process. As he spent those days, motionless and shell-shocked, he was only slightly aware of who exactly was around him.

So when he finally mustered the strength to leave the recesses of his mind, he was slightly surprised to find Negan sat on the floor beside the couch next to his legs, Judith atop the man’s lap with a toy in hand. Looking back, he knew it was weird not to expect Negan, his savior, to be there, but the sight of him in that moment was shocking for Rick nonetheless.

“Negan?” It seemed the man hadn’t left since.

He turned his head so fast it was a wonder he didn’t give himself whiplash.

“Rick! You’re okay?!” He stood abruptly, only slightly bothering Judith, who was thoroughly absorbed in her toy, and sat on the couch gently, next to Rick, moving Judith again to sit on his lap and looking to Rick attentively. Negan stared at him inquisitively, before gently placing Judith onto Rick’s lap, at which Rick wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead with tears in his eyes. He looked to Negan gratefully as he embraced his daughter.

The man looked… Terrible, if Rick was honest. Dark circles under his eyes, and an aura of desperation to him that Rick hadn’t seen before. Rick could feel an uncomfortable heat build in his face and neck as Negan’s eyes searched his. The man looked ready to say something, a flood of words held back by a thin dam of hesitance, it seemed.

At the sound of commotion, Carl had entered the living room before Negan could say anything, the boy’s face showing his concern.

“Dad?” Rick turned to him.

“Carl.” Rick replied breathlessly. A moment passed between them before Carl rushed forward to hug his father tightly, his sister between the two.

Rick was crying now, his face pressed to the top of Carl’s head, and as absorbed as he was in reconnecting with his children, he didn’t fail to notice the hand that was hesitantly rubbing his back. He leaned closer to the source, and Negan, spurned by this, wrapped his arm around the trio fully.

Rick signed, leaning in closer to the other man, not okay yet, but okay with knowing he would be okay soon.

 

 

Three months later.

 

“Will you make sure Michonne and Maggie get these blueprints for that expanded roadway down east? And these ones are for Carol and Ezekiel.” Rick was happy to delegate menial tasks, as he had been for a while now, but he couldn’t wait to get these plans in action and get out on the road doing something.

“Yes sir.”

It was still somewhat jarring to be called “sir,” especially when it came from one of the saviors. Who were once his enemies, had now become his… comrades, of sorts.

He was making his way back to his rooms, wanting to grab a few things before he left to stay at Alexandria for a few days.

“Rick,” even Simon, a person Rick could never see himself having or gaining any respect for, had fallen into line after the first month.

“There was a problem at the factory this morning, and Eugene doesn’t know how to fucking keep the place in order when people start yammering on and don’t get back to work.”

“I’ll figure something out. Or you could. Know anyone?” Things were running smoothly, the problems they had were inconsequential at the worst. Now that no one was consumed with the paranoia and distrust of other communities that had previously plagued them all, things were much better.

“Yeah. Just wanted to check with you. I’ll take care of it.”

“Alright then. Be seeing you.”

“See you, man.”

Thoughts of… _those_ events had sometimes gotten to him; he would wake up shivering and choking on deep breaths as he tried to get himself under control. Things were okay though, now that he had someone. Now that his children were safe and sound.

As he entered his rooms, he rushed to grab the things he needed. Keys, a jacket, his gun… He thought he was alone, but Negan entered the room from the bathroom, his only attire a towel wrapped around his still-damp body.

“Hey, you’re going already? You weren’t gonna wait for me, baby?” Negan put on a face that looked wounded, but Rick knew he was only being dramatic. The pseudo-hurt plea combined with what Negan was wearing, or lack thereof, had Rick feeling hot all over.

“I thought you were going to drive up later with Judith because I have to talk to Morgan before he goes on his run and you’re slow as fuckin’ molasses getting ready.”

Negan sauntered up to him, Rick still trying to rush, the taller man’s hands coming to rest on Rick’s hips.

“No, you said that, and I said I would be ready. I’m already showered, aren’t I? Judy’s ready too. She wants to see her brother as soon as possible, and ‘slow as molasses’? Goddamn, you’re such a southern bell.” The last part was whispered headily against his ear, Negan pressing himself against Rick deliciously.

Rick shivered despite the cheesy line, turning around to face Negan with hooded eyes.

“I can’t be late. If I don’t show up, Morgan’s gonna have to wait till tomorrow to go on his run.” His own weak protest failed to convince even himself.

“Okay babe. So go.” Negan smirked cheekily, his voice no louder than a whisper and his face so close Rick could see the brown and green crystalline structures in his irises. Negan pulled back minutely, dropping his hands from Rick’s hips and ignoring him in favor of dropping his towel and heading to the dresser right next to Rick.

Rick stood in shock at the sheer audacity of this man, unable to form a retort to that as Negan pulled on a pair of boxers, a smug grin set on his face.

“I’ll bring up Judy while you have your boring meeting with Morgan and maybe tonight we can finish what we start—” Before he could finish, Rick had him pressed up against the dresser, his hands now on Negan’s hips.

“Just hurry up and get undressed.” He said before pressing his lips up to Negan’s.

“Hey, that’ll be a lot easier for me since I’m more than halfway there alre—” He said in between kisses before Rick cut him off with another passionate kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was so short. Thanks so much for reading. I'm really happy this was liked and read by all of you, and I hope you enjoyed my writing. It makes me so happy that my story was read and actually liked by someone, anyone, let alone the hundreds of people who have read it. Have an awesome one guys! <3
> 
> -smeag


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